how to make online dating more effective

[Disillusioned]

Hoo boy... the talking heads are going to keep OLD alive long after it dies on its feet.

 

A couple of weeks ago I checked out a popular OLDS for the first time in 2 years. Not only did more of the women's profiles have a "pick me, dammit" tone to them, but a lot more of the women's pics show them to be heavier and not as attractive as the crowd from a couple of years ago. I took the hint: the low-hanging fruit has already been picked.

 

If I was ever going to put up a profile on an OLDS, I'd get the girl first and have plenty of pics taken of us enjoying life together, and then put them on there to show how much fun other people could be having if they'd get off the computer and go out and do something real.

[irc333]

You gave up too easily on Mee

tup as I am an avid me member on mine. Sure you'll have that

 

I was tired of online dating and decided to join a local meetup.com hiking group, because I'm a hiker. Sure you'll have that once in a blue moon wierdo....but sp what? Most of the people in my outdoor meetup were pretty cool. So don't let that experience bother you. In fact Meetup is a better option than onlinevdating simply because you're interacting with people.

 

Also women you meet in person will less likely to turn you down

 

The majority of people in those groups were social misfit and stalker types (one was booted for going out of his way to watch a female hiker relieve herself in the woods - I kid you not).

 

I left that group, went back to online dating, and found my man - but it took 18 months of persistent optimism and belief that he was out there. In the meantime, I took the opportunity to gather entertaining first-meet stories that still make my girlfriends howl with laughter. For the record, I had been divorced, and on my own for five years, with a great job and my **** together, and only asked for the same. The stories, to wit:

 

1. I live in my mother's basement, because my ex has taken all of my money. Is that a problem?

2. I have Tourette's, and sniff and nod and make funny noises while talking, but failed to disclose this to you before meeting. Is that a problem?

3. My junk hasn't worked in a decade, even with Viagra. Is that a problem?

4. I live in the basement of my former home, because my ex and I decided this would be best for the kids. Is that a problem?

5. I took the bus here because I've been convicted of multiple DUIs and can't insure my car - oh, and I'm still in AA. Is that a problem?

6. I found out last week that my wife has been cheating on me with my brother-in-law over the past four years, and now the whole family is messed up. Is that a problem?

7. All women are money-grubbing bitches. I know this because I have three ex-wives. Is that a problem?

 

Yep, these were all problems. And these were all just the tip of the iceberg when it came to finding good men on the internet. Caveat emptor.

[Thegreatestthing]

You don't have to be the guy I'm into now is a hippy,and I'm much more attracted to him then the usual established smartly dressed guys that ask me out.i didn't realise I was just looking for a hippy guy as I never meet them as I don't dress like a hippy.

Not to sound too sarcastic but all I have to do is be a professional Yuppie type with money and a nice body and women will find me attractive?!?! Gee, I didn't know that!

The fact is, there is a reason these guys[and girls] are spending this time online. If they could go out and be a "professional" socialite they probably would have done it by now.

[kolleamm]

Honestly I've skipped online dating altogether and just been focusing on meeting women in real life and I can honestly tell you that I've been having 100 times more success. You just have to be creative about how to meet them in real life. I find online to be too demanding and the women on those sites practically rule them. Online dating has done nothing but damage my self esteem and I would really recommend to everyone else that they don't take the easy way out and actually try the real life dating world as hard as you may think it is.

[kolleamm]

Very good points. This is precisely why I wouldn't do OLD again. The type of women who I meet and date in the real world wouldn't touch me with a 10 foot pole online. I have to say it was starting to affect my confidence a bit too. It took me a while to figure out it was the dating sites that were the problem, not me.

 

Exactly, the same thing I realized as well, the sites are the problem not me. All the years I've spent mindlessly messaging women online I could've been out enjoying my life and having fun searching for the one as we'll rather than just looking at a photo and a list of requirements I need to meet in order to satisfy her ego. I guess it's never too late.

[irc333]

Exactly, the same thing I realized as well, the sites are the problem not me. All the years I've spent mindlessly messaging women online I could've been out enjoying my life and having fun searching for the one as we'll rather than just looking at a photo and a list of requirements I need to meet in order to satisfy her ego. I guess it's never too late.

 

What's kind of sad is, some of these women are preferring ONLINE dating over real life interactions.

 

In another thread I had discussed how some women (or men) in Meetups tend to only attend events based on WHO will be there instead of enjoying the activity in an organic fashion.

 

That's why you see 100's of members signed up for the groups, but only a handful of regulars are actually in attendance.

 

They look at the RSVP list, go "ew", decide not to go and spend their Sat. nights on Match.com or POF going through the endless emails from men and propagating a "shopping catalog" mentality.

 

Why have a short, bald guy try to talk to you at the refreshment table or at a Summertime pool party and lack the ability to ignore them in person, when it's so much easier to pretend they don't exist in the cyber world of online dating? lol

[Disillusioned]

How to make online dating more effective?

1. Require people who join to either show up in person at the regional office, or submit to a full background check.

2. Total transparency... the site can't have any stolen photos, ghostwriters making up fake profiles, etc etc.

3. If a member doesn't start messaging other members within 10 days, they get kicked off the site and have to wait 10 days to re-join.

4. If a member doesn't reply to 3 messages in a row, same thing---a 10-day kick-out.

5. To message another member you think you might like, you need to make a 30- to 60-second introductory vid of yourself and submit it. This process would of course be moderated by the OLDS to make sure you're not some horny illiterate caveman.

 

Yeah, the above requirements would scare a lot of people off, but many of those who get scared off would be flakes and horny cavemen that nobody wants to meet anyways.

[kolleamm]

How to make online dating more effective?

1. Require people who join to either show up in person at the regional office, or submit to a full background check.

2. Total transparency... the site can't have any stolen photos, ghostwriters making up fake profiles, etc etc.

3. If a member doesn't start messaging other members within 10 days, they get kicked off the site and have to wait 10 days to re-join.

4. If a member doesn't reply to 3 messages in a row, same thing---a 10-day kick-out.

5. To message another member you think you might like, you need to make a 30- to 60-second introductory vid of yourself and submit it. This process would of course be moderated by the OLDS to make sure you're not some horny illiterate caveman.

 

Yeah, the above requirements would scare a lot of people off, but many of those who get scared off would be flakes and horny cavemen that nobody wants to meet anyways.

 

I'm liking the whole video intro idea. Seriously do people on dating sites not realize that eventually your gonna gave to see what they look like? That's when you know their hiding something. I really did have my hopes up for OLD but it didn't exactly turn out into what I thought it would just a bunch of people flaking km each other and getting attention at another's expense.

[irc333]

Yeah, on the POF forums, there are dudes there that say, "I have no problem getting dates, so you MUST be doing something wrong!"

 

And they act all smug about it and talk to you as if you're some kind of idiot for not knowing HOW to attract strangers on the internet.

 

Sorry, but there's only SO much one can do.

[Disillusioned]

I'm liking the whole video intro idea. Seriously do people on dating sites not realize that eventually your gonna gave to see what they look like? That's when you know their hiding something. I really did have my hopes up for OLD but it didn't exactly turn out into what I thought it would just a bunch of people flaking km each other and getting attention at another's expense.

 

About 25-30 years ago, video dating was the big thing, right behind professional matchmakers. Basically you'd go to their office, fork over $3k-$5k, they'd ask you questions and make a video of you answering them, and get dumped 36 times.

 

One good thing OLD did do was pretty much put the old video dating services out of business... but TTBOMK there's no OLDS that has you submit a video of yourself instead of photos. Storage space costs money.