Disclosure

[Furious]

The definition of hypocrisy:

 

Is the state of pretending to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc...that one does not actually have. Hypocrisy involves deception and is thus a kind of lie.

 

 

Seren did not lie, would not participate in deception and she is genuine in her deeds and word.

 

To call her a hypocrite is ridiculous.

[GLDheart]

It really does show the "fog" of an affair. Your friend was so wrapped up in herself she didn't even give thought to how telling you would make you feel. She just wanted to share her excitement... YAY, Weee! Oh and BONUS, she KNEW about your history with betrayal. I'd say she's the moron for telling you.

 

You were definately put in a tough situation. You were asked to protect one friend at the expense of the other. You made a call based upon your beliefs. The people saying you "stuck your nose" where it didn't belong would sing a different tune if it was reversed and your BFF was the one being cheated on.

 

I also know you made this (in your opinion UN-selfishly) knowing you would face backlash. The old saying "don't shoot the messenger" exists for a reason.

[SidLyon]

Ooohhhh.... reading this thread, makes me feel awful as I'm in a similar position to Seren before she told.

 

Whatever happens I will "lose again" to infidelity...

 

I'm so sorry Seren. "Shoot the messenger" proponents are alive and well everywhere.

[Realist3]

One chooses to be the messenger. I know it is a difficult decision in a situation like this. But still the decision was made to impose your morals into the situation. Beg out and say you can't. But to rat someone out is a betrayal.

[whichwayisup]

One chooses to be the messenger. I know it is a difficult decision in a situation like this. But still the decision was made to impose your morals into the situation. Beg out and say you can't. But to rat someone out is a betrayal.

 

Hmm, she's the rat? Yet her close friend isn't? The close friend IS the rat for cheating on her husband, she's the rat for asking her friend (who she KNEW experienced a lot of pain and heartache being betrayed and having to deal with her husbands affair so HER friend should have known better to 'use' her ask her to lie for her. WTF.)

 

If she didn't tell, this would be bad too. She would have betrayed the husband as she'd be lying to him FOR her friend. She couldn't do that. She told her friend upfront, either you tell, or I WILL. Her friend could have confessed and dealt with the fallout..instead she choose to save her own ass, continue the A and make a fool of her husband by cheating on him.

 

Seren is friends with both of them. Maybe it would be different if she had never met the husband, she wouldn't have told him, but that isn't the case here.

[Furious]

One chooses to be the messenger. I know it is a difficult decision in a situation like this. But still the decision was made to impose your morals into the situation. Beg out and say you can't. But to rat someone out is a betrayal.

 

Seren did not choose to be informed by her so-called friend about the affair and she did not choose to be asked to be a co-conspirator and did not choose to be an alibi to deception.

[no_more_tries]

You know what the betrayal is in this situation? Betrayal is omitting information, or flat out lying and letting another person make honest decisions as if they have all the information. The husband deserved the truth. When the wife brought Seren into the picture, Seren had every right to adhere to truth over omission and lying. The disclosure of the truth by Seren does nothing to harm or mend the marriage. It put both people on equal playing ground, and what they do now is up to them.

 

There should be more like you Seren.

[SidLyon]

One chooses to be the messenger. I know it is a difficult decision in a situation like this. But still the decision was made to impose your morals into the situation. Beg out and say you can't. But to rat someone out is a betrayal.

 

I "chose" (your words) to be the messenger when I told my H's family and the OW's family of their infidelity. I got the shoot the messenger treatment then as well.

 

None of your arguments above applied to me or any BS - it was my marriage and my morals were already part of the equation. I was the one betrayed and my H did the betrayal.

 

You have it around the wrong way. The AP's are the betrayers, not Seren.

[Furious]

It is astounding how some are more offended by the betrayer being betrayed than the betrayed spouse.

[2sure]

What if Seren had seen her friends husband cheating with another woman. Would she be imposing her values if she told her friend?

 

Seren made her decision based on what she felt was best. She has loved this woman all of her life . It was a difficult decision .

 

I get the BFF thing and it's big. But watching her BFF make a train wreck out of her spouse and family....she chose not to.

[Emme]

I'm trying to figure out why you interjected in your ex-friends marriage. You could have chosen a more less destructive route and you didn't. A friend would have given her time to realize her mistake and even helped her to see her wrong doing. An ultimatum means nothing to an addict.

 

If your moral code did not comply with her actions. You end the friendship. You don't listen to juicy details. The instant she asked you to be involved you should have ended ties with her. That's what you should have done.

 

If you felt you couldn't live a waking moment without her husband knowing the truth, fine. You could have chosen to tell him anonymously. You didn't choose that route. Why. The extra credit was not needed.

 

You don't get to play puppet master or god with someone's life and walk away. None of us do. In my opinion you handle the situation the wrong way. That's why you feel the way you do. As a friend you should always be there to help, guide and support, not destroy.

 

You are to blame for their marriage ending. Own it.

 

 

 

Had she told me she loved the OM, I might have understood better, but the, my life was boring and I wanted some fun, just peed me off even more.

 

Priceless.

[whichwayisup]

I'm trying to figure out why you interjected in your ex-friends marriage. You could have chosen a more less destructive route and you didn't. A friend would have given her time to realize her mistake and even helped her to see her wrong doing. An ultimatum means nothing to an addict.

 

If your moral code did not comply with her actions. You end the friendship. You don't listen to juicy details. The instant she asked you to be involved you should have ended ties with her. That's what you should have done.

 

If you felt you couldn't live a waking moment without her husband knowing the truth, fine. You could have chosen to tell him anonymously. You didn't choose that route. Why. The extra credit was not needed.

 

You don't get to play puppet master or god with someone's life and walk away. None of us do. In my opinion you handle the situation the wrong way. That's why you feel the way you do. As a friend you should always be there to help, guide and support, not destroy.

 

You are to blame for their marriage ending. Own it.

 

 

 

 

 

Priceless.

 

Wow, holy harsh. And rude too. How is this helping Seren? There are nicer ways to have replied to her and still make your point.

 

She is not to blame for the marriage ending. Besides, we don't know if that marriage will end. Maybe the husband will allow his wife another chance to make things right.

[Furious]

This is ridiculous....it offends the OM/OW and the WS, when someone intervenes on behalf of the Betrayed Spouse.

 

For some...it appears you have challenged the status quo...the BS must be irrelevant and be in the dark....priceless!!!!

[whichwayisup]

Anyway, let's get Seren's thread back on topic, ignore the ones who are being rude and not helpful.

 

Seren, I do think your friend will come to you when the dust has settled. you know she's in a fog and not thinking clearly, she's got some issues inside of her that she needs to face, as well as facing her husband and the fallout of this.

She could realize (once fog lifts and she is ready to own her choices) what position she put you in and want to mend fences with you. She was a good friend to you up until this.. Hopefully in time when the hurt gets less you two will be able to talk and see if the friendship is salvagable.

[Emme]

Wow, holy harsh. And rude too. How is this helping Seren? There are nicer ways to have replied to her and still make your point.

 

She is not to blame for the marriage ending. Besides, we don't know if that marriage will end. Maybe the husband will allow his wife another chance to make things right.

 

 

Not harsh. Honest. My words reflect the point that I am making. Remember what I told you about personal problem/issues. It's how one chooses to perceive what's written.

 

I think its best that all views are put on the table. Every perspective should be stated. Everyone is entitled to their views.

 

I am not only helping Seren but also possibly others that might be faced with this issue. She's made her decision and now she has to own it. Who cares if King Charles Cavalier and Mr.Pug and talking about what she did. What's done it done. It cannot be undone.

 

When you make a decision to play god you make sure you know your motives. What's gearing you to tell the tale that in my opinion is not yours to tell. Seren is lucky this situation ended the way it did... A man who's lost his status due this economical disaster and has to depend on his wife's income is already dealing with loads of issues. To add the fact that his d*ck is not sufficient enough to please her ... She's lucky he didn't go down in the basement and but a bullet in his head. It happens. That's the reality. Make sure when you play god your ready for what's to come.

[whichwayisup]

When you make a decision to play god you make sure you know your motives

 

And her friend played 'God' by making the decision to cheat on her husband.

 

Agree to disagree as you see things one way and I see things another way.

[Emme]

This is ridiculous....it offends the OM/OW and the WS, when someone intervenes on behalf of the Betrayed Spouse.

 

For some...it appears you have challenged the status quo...the BS must be irrelevant and be in the dark....priceless!!!!

 

The point that I am making with my term Priceless is this, Seren's take is "Had she told me she loved the OM, I might have understood better"... Is that to mean the tale would not have been told. It's Priceless to me... love truly does conquer all I guess.

[Furious]

Not harsh. Honest. My words reflect the point that I am making. Remember what I told you about personal problem/issues. It's how one chooses to perceive what's written.

 

I think its best that all views are put on the table. Every perspective should be stated. Everyone is entitled to their views.

 

I am not only helping Seren but also possibly others that might be faced with this issue. She's made her decision and now she has to own it. Who cares if King Charles Cavalier and Mr.Pug and talking about what she did. What's done it done. It cannot be undone.

When you make a decision to play god you make sure you know your motives. What's gearing you to tell the tale that in my opinion is not yours to tell. Seren is lucky this situation ended the way it did... A man who's lost his status due this economical disaster and has to depend on his wife's income is already

dealing with loads of issues. To add the fact that his d*ck is not sufficient

enough to please her ... She's lucky he didn't go down in the basement and but a bullet in his head. It happens. That's the reality. Make sure when you play god your ready for what's to come.

 

 

I see you believe the WS is only allowed to play God with the Betrayed Spouse.

[2sunny]

I'm trying to figure out why you interjected in your ex-friends marriage. You could have chosen a more less destructive route and you didn't. A friend would have given her time to realize her mistake and even helped her to see her wrong doing. An ultimatum means nothing to an addict.

 

If your moral code did not comply with her actions. You end the friendship. You don't listen to juicy details. The instant she asked you to be involved you should have ended ties with her. That's what you should have done.

 

If you felt you couldn't live a waking moment without her husband knowing the truth, fine. You could have chosen to tell him anonymously. You didn't choose that route. Why. The extra credit was not needed.

 

You don't get to play puppet master or god with someone's life and walk away. None of us do. In my opinion you handle the situation the wrong way. That's why you feel the way you do. As a friend you should always be there to help, guide and support, not destroy.

 

You are to blame for their marriage ending. Own it.

 

 

 

 

 

Priceless.

 

Seren gave her friend the warning that she needed to tell the H - that it was the right thing - and the consequence she would take IF her "friend" didn't tell him herself.

 

Her friend had the choice and time to tell her truth.

[Emme]

And her friend played 'God' by making the decision to cheat on her husband.

 

Agree to disagree as you see things one way and I see things another way.

 

Yes her friend did play god. With her and her families life. Hope she's ready to pay the price.

[2sunny]

The point that I am making with my term Priceless is this, Seren's take is "Had she told me she loved the OM, I might have understood better"... Is that to mean the tale would not have been told. It's Priceless to me... love truly does conquer all I guess.

 

I took it to mean that her friend didn't even have deep feelings for her OM - and was willingly hurting her H with participating with her OM.

 

Harm to H even though she didn't care that much for the OM.

[Emme]

Seren gave her friend the warning that she needed to tell the H - that it was the right thing - and the consequence she would take IF her "friend" didn't tell him herself.

 

Her friend had the choice and time to tell her truth.

 

I read what she stated. My response to that was you giving an ultimatum to an addict doesn't work. If she wishes to list the other steps she took before she gave the ultimatum I'm sure it would help others who are in her position to see what works and doesn't work. The ultimatum she could have also given her was loosing her friendship. There is a process when one chooses to help.

[Emme]

I took it to mean that her friend didn't even have deep feelings for her OM - and was willingly hurting her H with participating with her OM.

 

Harm to H even though she didn't care that much for the OM.

 

There's nothing to understand better. Her friend is a cheater. Period.

[2sunny]

I read what she stated. My response to that was you giving an ultimatum to an addict doesn't work. If she wishes to list the other steps she took before she gave the ultimatum I'm sure it would help others who are in her position to see what works and doesn't work. The ultimatum she could have also given her was loosing her friendship. There is a process when one chooses to help.

 

Her friends husband has a right to know what is real. Since the friend didn't tell - its only right that the H have knowledge of what was going on in his marriage.

 

Has nothing to do with the W asking for help... She CHEATED. There are consequences when a person cheats - she could have told herself - but she didn't.

[Emme]

I see you believe the WS is only allowed to play God with the Betrayed Spouse.

 

No, you see that I don't think people get to play puppet master or god with other peoples lives and walk away unscathed. As I said none of us do.