Shattered dreams

[m0m0]

we had a relationship before he got married that time. i dont know that he have another girlfriend while we`re in a relationship, he told me a week after we had a relationship that his exgirlfriend got pregnant.. he assured me that he wont leave me.. and hw`ll never marry his exgirlfriend.. he said the broke up 2 months ago.. he let me decide , will we stay in the relationship or i`ll let him go,..

i said.. i deciced not to let him go.. months have past.. one day, some one talked to me and ask me questions about my boyfriend getting married, i was shocked that time.. i dont know how to answer those questions.. i confronted him .. and he denied it.. but later he said.. it was just for the baby sake, a fake wedding for the sake of the baby and the exgirlfriend`s reputation..

 

i was so hurt.. a week later... i saw the wedding pictures.. it was a church wedding... it hurt so much...

 

2 weeks later.. we talked, he say his sorry and still say that he just do it for the reputation sake... he dont love his exgirlfriend now his wife already...

he always say that... he cant just run away because he might get killed by the relatives of his wife...

last year , that was august they lost their baby...

 

i try to avoid him but i cant i really love him...

its been 11 months now when he got married..

said he wanted to go out of the marriage..

 

he wanted to be with me..

he loves me more than his wife..

i felt that he really love me too...

but dont know how to get out of his marriage..

 

 

sometimes i want to leave him..

i dont wanna be the other woman...

i never thought i would be one of it..

 

i wish i have a guts to get out of this situation...

but i love him so much....

 

how can i avoid someone i see 6 days a week..

when we`re happy it feels like heaven but when hurt strikes,,,,

it hurts like hell,,.....

[MissBee]

Momo,

 

Your now married ex boyfriend (?) is full of garbage.

 

He is a liar first and foremost. How can you be in a relationship with one person, impregnate another, then secretly marry with a whole church wedding and not inform your girlfriend, whom you supposedly love? At no point during the planning of this wedding, did he see it fit to inform you? Baloney! I think you know this is ridiculous too and is inexcusable. He has no respect for you or his wife and he is a huge liar and coward. Even if he HAD to marry her, he should have at least told you and gave you a choice about it. If the marriage is fake and only for the baby, he didn't have to even have a ceremony, just go to a courthouse. His marriage may be fake but to everyone looking, your relationship with him is what is fake. You're in the dark as he marries and has kids with someone else and you find out from other people who ask if you knew your boyfriend got married...how humiliating is that?! No one should be in a "relationship" where there partner is conducting a whole other life and making whole other life steps without their knowledge, and where they have to hear about it through the grapevine. That's crazy!

 

So many OW are willing to live on the words of love...and no matter what the MM does ( in your case, he wasn't even married before, but got married while you were together) so long as he claims he doesn't love his wife, it is okay with them. Whether he loves her or not is of no consequence, as he sure isn't showing you love, respect, acting with integrity etc. Whether or not he loves her doesn't matter as he married her and is having kids with her and you had no clue about the former. So love or no love, he is taking huge life steps with another woman, that he should be taking with you if he supposedly loves you! He sounds like a boat load of excuses...none add up. I know you love him, but I suggest breaking it off and letting him live his life. If he is going to get killed by his wife's relative's for divorcing, then what will they do if they find out he is having an affair??? Please extricate yourself from this drama and rearrange your schedule if you can so you don't need to see him six days a week. It sounds like the "good" in your relationship is qualitatively less than the bad. He is NOT the last or best man one earth, you'll hurt but you WILL get over him and there is hope for a better situation than this current debacle.

Edited June 24, 2012 by MissBee

[Emme]

Oh hun I'm so sorry. His lies are lies. Nothing more. I will say that if he loved you he would have told you. He would have told you that on his own instead of you finding out by another third party. He could have said that he feels he has to marry this woman. If he loved you he would have done that. Then the decision to still be with him was yours to make.

 

I don't see you waiting for him, being so in love you settle for a empty life. There will come a time where he will get her pregnant again. Don't think this is was just a necessary step to keep up appearances. Culturally I don't know how much pressure would be put on him to stay... but either way why give up your life for him. He lied to you from the start. Don't ever forget. He lied in the beginning. He was with you and maybe with her. He knew she was pregnant and said nothing to you.

 

You've had him for months now. He's made the obligation to be with the mother of his child for 18 years. Sometime relationships end and you have to be optimistic and see the good not the bad. That child now has his father. Look at it that way. You can always find another love. Someone who won't lie to keep you. Someone who will love you and give you their all.

 

I wish you well. I know it hurts but in the end try to see the silver lining. :bunny:HUG:bunny:

[EmptyHeartGirl]

 

So many OW are willing to live on the words of love...and no matter what the MM does ( in your case, he wasn't even married before, but got married while you were together) so long as he claims he doesn't love his wife, it is okay with them.

 

This is so true! and something I am realizing about myself and how I got caught up in my affair.

 

m0m0, you need to concentrate on his actions and not his words!

 

Someone who "loves" you does not do things to hurt you...Let's think about what he has done to hurt you: have a girlfriend while he was with you, got her pregnant, and MARRIED her!...Those should all be dealbreakers!

 

It's so easy for these losers to say "i love you" it costs them nothing, and whether or not you believe them, they still go home and get in bed with their wife...they have nothing to lose and everything to gain by saying it.

 

We get caught up in it because we want to hear it so badly because we need to validate what we are doing...he loves me so it's ok that I am doing this....What has he done to show you he loves you outside of telling you?...I have a feeling nothing, please don't get caught in it.

 

Tell him that you respect his decision of marrying her, but he needs to respect YOUR decision to move on. Let him know you are too good to be anyone's second choice and that outside of a friendly greeting when you see him (you mentioned you had to see him 6 times a week) you will not be communicating with him again. Tell him best of luck with his marriage and family.

 

Regardless of the WHY he married her, he MARRIED her, and he needs to deal with his decision, don't let him bring you down.

 

Start looking towards your future with someone who is going to LOVE YOU, RESPECT YOU, and CHERISH every moment with you and ONLY YOU.

 

I hope you can see that "love" should not be this complicated, take back control! and kick the loser to the curb...I wish you the best!

[MissBee]

This is so true! and something I am realizing about myself and how I got caught up in my affair.

 

m0m0, you need to concentrate on his actions and not his words!

 

Someone who "loves" you does not do things to hurt you...Let's think about what he has done to hurt you: have a girlfriend while he was with you, got her pregnant, and MARRIED her!...Those should all be dealbreakers!

 

It's so easy for these losers to say "i love you" it costs them nothing, and whether or not you believe them, they still go home and get in bed with their wife...they have nothing to lose and everything to gain by saying it.

 

We get caught up in it because we want to hear it so badly because we need to validate what we are doing...he loves me so it's ok that I am doing this....What has he done to show you he loves you outside of telling you?...I have a feeling nothing, please don't get caught in it.

 

Tell him that you respect his decision of marrying her, but he needs to respect YOUR decision to move on. Let him know you are too good to be anyone's second choice and that outside of a friendly greeting when you see him (you mentioned you had to see him 6 times a week) you will not be communicating with him again. Tell him best of luck with his marriage and family.

 

Regardless of the WHY he married her, he MARRIED her, and he needs to deal with his decision, don't let him bring you down.

 

Start looking towards your future with someone who is going to LOVE YOU, RESPECT YOU, and CHERISH every moment with you and ONLY YOU.

 

I hope you can see that "love" should not be this complicated, take back control! and kick the loser to the curb...I wish you the best!

 

Ditto to everything.

 

Love should not be complicated, most of all, you shouldn't be the one clearly getting the short end of the stick. Healthy relationships involve healthy compromise....unhealthy ones involve one-sided "compromise", bending and twisting your values, being a martyr, lots of tears, tolerating BS etc.

 

Someone can indeed say I love you all day long...but when they consistently do things to hurt you, chances are those are just empty words. There were so many deal breakers and so many things negating his words of love...I'd run as fast as I could and leave him to his life. It WILL hurt to detach and get over him...but you're also hurting by being with him and will continue to hurt as he continues to lie and pretend. Don't waste your time.