Asking Dad's permision

[pink_sugar]

I think an alternative to this, is perhaps sitting down with her parents and saying you plan to marry their daughter and would like their blessing. It seems less sexist this way and more modern.

[Radu]

I wonder how the ladies of this thread that were against their guy asking their dad's permission would feel if he were to ask for a dowry.

 

This is still done here in the villages, but it's mostly symbolic, like a hand woven quilt.

[rainfall]

I wonder how the ladies of this thread that were against their guy asking their dad's permission would feel if he were to ask for a dowry.

 

 

I am 100% against my SO asking my dads permission and I would be 100% a dowry as well. I am an adult and I don't need to have anyone's permission to do anything. I DO take other people's feelings into consideration when I do things, but in the end what I decide to do is my choice, and having my SO ask for my dad's permission would insult me.

[RickyLovesLucy]

I am 100% against my SO asking my dads permission and I would be 100% a dowry as well. I am an adult and I don't need to have anyone's permission to do anything. I DO take other people's feelings into consideration when I do things, but in the end what I decide to do is my choice, and having my SO ask for my dad's permission would insult me.

For women who are against your father being asked for permission to marry you: are you also against your father giving you away at the altar? It seems like a similar tradition.

[samsungxoxo]

For women who are against your father being asked for permission to marry you: are you also against your father giving you away at the altar? It seems like a similar tradition.

I don't belong to my father (so yes instead thinking him as thoughtful I would be upset if he ask my father first instead of me) and in addition I'm an atheist so there won't be church nor any of that traditonal celebration but at the registrars office or a court building.

[pink_sugar]

For women who are against your father being asked for permission to marry you: are you also against your father giving you away at the altar? It seems like a similar tradition.

 

Good point. I had my stepfather walk me down the aisle instead of my father because he didn't agree with my marriage, let alone want to be at my wedding. It just wasn't appropriate since he didn't and still doesn't agree with my marriage. For awhile I regretted not having him do it, but the more I think about it, the "giving away of the bride" is pretty outdated and no different than your husband asking your father for your hand in marriage. Now people have their mothers walk them down the aisle, another close relative or even just walk together. I also think that if you've been living together for a good period of time, it's a bit silly to have anyone "give you away" just as it is silly to have a big bachelor/bachelorette blowout celebrating your singlehood when you've been living together 7 years. At that point, just go out and have a few drinks with some friends, but the big blowout is silly at that point.

Edited August 15, 2012 by pink_sugar

[RickyLovesLucy]

I don't belong to my father (so yes instead thinking him as thoughtful I would be upset if he ask my father first instead of me) and in addition I'm an atheist so there won't be church nor any of that traditonal celebration but at the registrars office or a court building.

 

You don't like either tradition. That's consistent. I'm curious to see what others write.

 

Slightly OT, but some atheists get married in church (although it does seems odd.) To me, there is a certain lack of romance from just stopping by an office to get the papers signed, as though one is just getting a car loan. Obviously, not everyone sees it that way.

[pink_sugar]

You don't like either tradition. That's consistent. I'm curious to see what others write.

 

Slightly OT, but some atheists get married in church (although it does seems odd.) To me, there is a certain lack of romance from just stopping by an office to get the papers signed, as though one is just getting a car loan. Obviously, not everyone sees it that way.

 

Yeah I think it is a bit weird for atheists to get married in a church (unless at least one of you is religious). But I can see people getting married in a nondenominational church if they aren't particularly religious but have some sort of Christian values and beliefs.

[samsungxoxo]

You don't like either tradition. That's consistent. I'm curious to see what others write.

 

Slightly OT, but some atheists get married in church (although it does seems odd.) To me, there is a certain lack of romance from just stopping by an office to get the papers signed, as though one is just getting a car loan. Obviously, not everyone sees it that way.

I don't see the point of the big traditional celebration. To me marriage is an agreement when couple hold responsibilities, are mature towards the next step, understand and love each other. I don't need a priest telling me ''Do you honor Mr ___ and will be faithful until death'' nor the whole god thing.

 

I would rather prefer a short family reunion at the court building (my father will still be there so there is no difference).

[Almond_Joy]

Hey all, new to forum

 

My Girlfriend and I have been dating for 14 months and I'm currently in the process of saving up for an Engagement ring. Now before I ask her I'm planning on her asking Dad (and Mum, I assume I'll do it at the same time) for permission, I'm not religious or anything but to me it seems the right thing to do.

 

I've spoke to a few people and they told me that they just told there parents when they actually engaged instead of actually asking the Dad(or parent/guardian)

 

I guess its a personal thing but i'd find it disrespectful if the guy who wanted to marry my daughter didn't tell me about it before hand, maybe i'm old fashioned (I'm 24 ) in the sense?

 

Anyway I was just wondering did you ask "permission" before you got married? be interesting to here peoples opinions on this.

 

I would think it a nice gesture if my bf told my parents his intentions before proposing. TOLD THEM, not asked for their blessing/approval. The only person my bf should be asking for approval from in a marriage proposal is me .

 

Congrats on your decision, btw.

[RickyLovesLucy]

Good point. I had my stepfather walk me down the aisle instead of my father because he didn't agree with my marriage, let alone want to be at my wedding. It just wasn't appropriate since he didn't and still doesn't agree with my marriage. For awhile I regretted not having him do it, but the more I think about it, the "giving away of the bride" is pretty outdated and no different than your husband asking your father for your hand in marriage. Now people have their mothers walk them down the aisle, another close relative or even just walk together. I also think that if you've been living together for a good period of time, it's a bit silly to have anyone "give you away" just as it is silly to have a big bachelor/bachelorette blowout celebrating your singlehood when you've been living together 7 years. At that point, just go out and have a few drinks with some friends, but the big blowout is silly at that point.

Didn't agree with your marriage. That is really unfortunate. I know someone in a similar situation who told their parents "we're getting married. You can come and celebrate with us or stay home and mope. It's your decision". They went and celebrated.

 

As a dad I'm looking forward to the "giving away" thing someday. I'd love the "asking for your child's hand" thing too, although I see it as strictly ceremonial.

 

Also, I could never see the sense in the bachelor/ette party thing even if the couple haven't been living together. But I'm weird that way.

[pink_sugar]

Yeah, we actually didn't have any bachelor/ette parties either and we only lived together slightly under a year. Didn't make a difference to me at all, never been into the partying or drinking scheme. I also didn't have a bridal shower or anything, but a lot of people say it seems silly when you already live together and have the things you need that you would otherwise get at a shower.

[denise_xo]

For women who are against your father being asked for permission to marry you: are you also against your father giving you away at the altar? It seems like a similar tradition.

 

Yes. I didn't have a church wedding, but if I did I would want to walk down the aisle with my partner. Not into the 'father giving me away' thing at all.

[FordFocus]

Interesting to hear the different views in this thread, very informative and i guess it all comes down to personal preference and maybe a bit from where you from.

 

As for me, I asked her dad today and i really was nervous, but i'm glad i did it, it went well and her parents were fine with it and couldn't be happy for us.

 

I plan to ask her next weekend!