eurotik Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 I made the mistake of deleting my ex girlfriend from facebook when we broke up out of spite. Doing that made me look childish and since i am in no contact mode I feel like i shot myself in the foot by deleting her and her not being able to see what i'm up to with pictures and stuff. Should i add her back? or should i get back into contact with her once im ready by just adding her to facebook? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
MooBear Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 No don't add her! Not having her on Facebook will help you stick to NC as there will be no daily reminders. She doesn't need to know what you are up to right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eurotik Posted June 24, 2012 Author Share Posted June 24, 2012 I'm wondering if I should reconnect with her by calling her or just adding her back in 5 weeks and letting her message me out of curiosity as to why i added her back Link to post Share on other sites
MooBear Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 That defeats the whole purpose of going no contact in the first place. Clearly you are missing your ex and are trying to find ways to justify contacting her. If you want to contact her, just do it, but it may not go as well as you hope. And you may end up right back at square one. No contact is really hard, and it takes a lot of determination but it is the best tool you have right now. Whether you choose to use it is totally up to you. FWIW I wouldn't add her back, or contact her at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
DMS Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 Based on your reply it sounds like you are trying no contact as a means to get your ex back. That is not the point of no contact. I personally deleted the ex once I started no contact after a couple deletes and readds right after our break up. I have personally found it helpful to be able to still keep up with my friends and not have to see info about her and the guy she left me for. Quite honestly I hope she is well and happy but it is none of my business what they are up to and if she was truly curious about what is going on with me she can use the message function or she has my number and could call or text. However being as the BU was her idea I really don't think she gives half a damn how I am. I say keep her deleted if it means that much to her she will let you know Link to post Share on other sites
eunpa Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 When you are doing no contact to try to 'get over' or resolver your feelings from a broken relationship, keeping them off your facebook is really important. Especially if you want to keep them out of your mind. The last thing you need is to see what she's doing. I have been fighting with facebook over this with a crush I had on a good friend last year. I still see him tagged in pictures with mutual friends so I had to block him as well to keep him out of my thoughts. If she wants to contact you, she will. Don't break down and let yourself add her back on facebook. Think about it: why do you want her to be able to see what you're up to? Think about that hard. If it's because you want her to miss you too, then don't do it! I've been there and it's harder to see they don't care what you're doing because they're busy living their own life. You should too. Also, you don't want the disappointment of her not confirming your friend request, either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eurotik Posted June 24, 2012 Author Share Posted June 24, 2012 I am pursuring this girl again in about 6 weeks. I'm in the process of changing and i will ensure i don't fail in getting her back and showing her the 2.0 version of myself. The only thing that i'm thinking is maybe i shouldn't have taken her off facebook. Link to post Share on other sites
eunpa Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 If you have a time frame for when you want to try to pursue her again, then wait until you're closer to when you're going to do it. Or wait until after things are going well offline, like if you're talking and you want to be FB friends again. People do friendslist purges....so...there's that excuse. Or you could always admit you were being childish. Honesty is always a good tool Link to post Share on other sites
DMS Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 You can't "ensure you will get her back" for a couple reasons. First and foremost you can't control what others feel about you no matter how much you think you have changed. Secondly even if she does agree to come back what happens a month or two down the when you or she falls back into the routine that helped contribute to the original breakup? Nah if you truly get her back it will be because she wants it and you agree that you do too. Otherwise you are only making this harder on yourself. I am not saying don't have hope but you can't force yourself on someone and expect it to work long term. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eurotik Posted June 24, 2012 Author Share Posted June 24, 2012 No forcing needed. Just get back into her life and show her i have changed. After all she fell for me once before. Just gotta show her I have changed and by no means bring anything up. Create attraction is the key. But I have to give it time. I'm confident and I won't give up on pursuing her without being desperate when I get back into contact with her. The whole facebook thing has me screwed up though lol Link to post Share on other sites
MooBear Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 No forcing needed. Just get back into her life and show her i have changed. After all she fell for me once before. Just gotta show her I have changed and by no means bring anything up. Create attraction is the key. But I have to give it time. I'm confident and I won't give up on pursuing her without being desperate when I get back into contact with her. The whole facebook thing has me screwed up though lol This exact post reminds me so much of one of my exes. He was determined that it would work because I loved him once and he had changed. And he really tried to show me he had changed. Constantly. He ended up with a restraining order Link to post Share on other sites
DMS Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 While that sounds good on paper what happens if she figures out that she is happier without you or you with out her? Also six weeks isn't a lot of time so any "change" is likely to be perceived as an act at best IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
DMS Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 And he really tried to show me he had changed. Constantly. He ended up with a restraining order Sorry about the situation Moo but this made me chuckle a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eurotik Posted June 24, 2012 Author Share Posted June 24, 2012 that restraining order bit made me chuckle too lol. Well see, I have no doubt in my head that she is happier without me by the ways i was during the relationship. I know she feels better off without me. But i'm going to go back into her life as a friend. Improved, in the next 2 months i am going to improve myself physically, I am going on a trip for a couple of weeks as well and mentally i need to figure out why things i ended and throw away those bad habits I had during the relationship. Then i will contact her, be friends with her and show her through that the other person i am. Never ask for her back but get her to want me back. Link to post Share on other sites
DMS Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 Is it just me or does a key part of your plan hinge on you predicting how someone else will respond to you? You just said she feels better off without you... I am no expert but just because you can act changed does not guarantee you anything as you can not control her feelings towards you. If we could control others feelings this board would be nearly empty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eurotik Posted June 24, 2012 Author Share Posted June 24, 2012 Are you telling me that if i don't contact her for 6 weeks and then do contact her to see how she is doing, that she won't be responsive to that? That after all the NC is all and done with that I won't be able to shed a different light on me and get her to come out with me for some casual shopping? I'm not looking to force her into anything. I am confident I can get her to want me again for being that person she originally started dating. It's not like 6 weeks from now she won't be curious to what I am doing and won't be curious to see me. That will be my chance to shine and show her subtly I am not that hot garbage i was with her and hopefully evoke feelings in her while I play the part of a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
MooBear Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 Sorry about the situation Moo but this made me chuckle a bit. All good - he was never scary, just stupid and annoying haha Link to post Share on other sites
DMS Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 What I am telling you is that you are looking at NC the wrong way. It is not meant to be a get my ex back tool, but a tool to fix you and to heal from the previous relationship ending. You never can predict how someone will respond to you especially an ex. What you don't seem to realize is that during that time you are not contacting her she may well decide she wants nothing to do with you. I understand you are confidant but just assuming you can waltz your way back into someone's life is both arrogant and exactly what I mean by forcing yourself on someone. Link to post Share on other sites
MooBear Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 Is it just me or does a key part of your plan hinge on you predicting how someone else will respond to you? You just said she feels better off without you... I am no expert but just because you can act changed does not guarantee you anything as you can not control her feelings towards you. If we could control others feelings this board would be nearly empty. Are you telling me that if i don't contact her for 6 weeks and then do contact her to see how she is doing, that she won't be responsive to that? That after all the NC is all and done with that I won't be able to shed a different light on me and get her to come out with me for some casual shopping? I'm not looking to force her into anything. I am confident I can get her to want me again for being that person she originally started dating. It's not like 6 weeks from now she won't be curious to what I am doing and won't be curious to see me. That will be my chance to shine and show her subtly I am not that hot garbage i was with her and hopefully evoke feelings in her while I play the part of a friend. From my experience - he was on NC with me for 3 months. Yeah I was curious as to how he was going, but that was it. He said he wanted to be friends and I was fine with that so we caught up for lunch one day and he gave me the "hard sell" - about how he had quit smoking, and been cleaning his house regularly, had stopped going to the strip clubs etc etc etc. I was impressed but still didn't change how I felt, which was not much. I was over him. He tried for 6 months to get me to change my mind! So, it is not guaranteed to work. And it may get very awkward! Also, my big issue was that he made a big deal of saying he'd done all this stuff for me. That's not changing...that's acting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eurotik Posted June 24, 2012 Author Share Posted June 24, 2012 If he had come back and not claimed he had changed but showed you with his actions you would have probably taken it lightly. If he had come into your life again and not made it clear he wants you again but showed you by being caring and non pushy along with his changed he probably would have had you. Not only that but if he had shown less interest and been cool about things, through time you probably would have changed your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
MooBear Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 Hmm I don't think so. It wouldn't have mattered what he had done or said, honestly. When I saw him I wasn't even attracted to him anymore. The only thing I felt was pity cause he was trying so hard. As long as your ex hasn't reached that stage, you may be ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eurotik Posted June 24, 2012 Author Share Posted June 24, 2012 or maybe if you had seen him with other women after you saw he changed. Link to post Share on other sites
MooBear Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 or maybe if you had seen him with other women after you saw he changed. He tried that. But he would "accidentally" run into me wherever I was out with a different girl each time and they were really unattractive! If you're going to try to make her jealous - make sure the other girl is better looking!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author eurotik Posted June 24, 2012 Author Share Posted June 24, 2012 moobear, your situations sound really interesting lol do you have facebook? i don't know how to send private messages on this thing.. Link to post Share on other sites
MooBear Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 moobear, your situations sound really interesting lol do you have facebook? i don't know how to send private messages on this thing.. I do but I have posted too much stuff on here to give anyone my real name I think to send messages you have to pay a fee? Link to post Share on other sites
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