I'm pregnant bf still won't leave wife... Feeling lost.

[joyce14brown]

I'm 7 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I have been with him 2 years and I was pregnant two years ago. It ended with him not seeing me saying I had to have an ab if I wanted to move forward with our relationship... He still sees me. He says he loves me and supports me. But he doesn't want the baby and he's stayed with her. It's been 2 years she knows nothing about us no one does. And I feel fed up. Idk what I'm going to do. But I've invested so much in him. He even said he's working on separating that he'd be there for me if I ever got pregnant again. In that time I really felt like we bonded but I feel like I was last time....

[todreaminblue]

I'm 7 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I have been with him 2 years and I was pregnant two years ago. It ended with him not seeing me saying I had to have an ab if I wanted to move forward with our relationship... He still sees me. He says he loves me and supports me. But he doesn't want the baby and he's stayed with her. It's been 2 years she knows nothing about us no one does. And I feel fed up. Idk what I'm going to do. But I've invested so much in him. He even said he's working on separating that he'd be there for me if I ever got pregnant again. In that time I really felt like we bonded but I feel like I was last time....

 

 

He is hiding it well which means he is still having sex with his wife probably it must be hard for you not telling anyone and being pregnant to a married man.....I feel for you and honestly you are set for heartache again.I was the wife in my situation five years ago and I found out about four months into the affair and he left me.The only way this situation will be resolved for you is for the wife to eventually find out and give him an ultimatum or for you to give one.You should feel fed up he is not thoughtful or caring about you or his wife just his needs .....the abortion he wanted you to have should have been the deal breaker two years ago.Please tell somebody who loves you for real the situation you are in get some support, do what is best for you I dont even know the guy and I can say he is not good for you.Think about you and your baby try consider the wife who has no idea I am sure you know it isnt fair for her to be blind he is telling her one thing and tellign you another.... put your chin up and stand up and say enough because your decisions will affect what happens to baby you are carrying and your sanity......good luck and hugs to ya.....deb

Edited June 24, 2012 by todreaminblue

[Ducky23]

I was in the same situation last year. I went through with the abortion for multiple reasons, not just because of my MM, but it was a mutual decision. He was open to all options, including me keeping the baby. Hindsight is 20/20 and now I wish I had kept it. I'm a mother of 3 already, and I know that I plan on having more children later on, that I want more. Regardless of the A and the knowledge of anyone else, the number one question you should be asking yourself is: Do YOU want this baby? Are YOU ready to be a parent? You know that time is closing quickly being at 7 weeks already. And you know that a name will have to go on that baby's birth certificate. Being a single mom sucks sometimes, but I honestly believe it has been a blessing for me.

I think it's time for some major changes. If you feel like you're ready to be a parent and you have the home and the love to offer a new baby and be a responsible parent, then I say keep the baby. Regardless of his decision. Don't let his 'role' or non-role be what makes your decision for you. Even when I was married, I went through my pregnancies alone. With the right support it's not the hardest thing in the world to handle. As for the A, the truth will come out if you decide to continue with the pregnancy and keep the baby. It is your own body and your own life and nobody should have the right to tell you what to do with it or how to live it. You didn't get pregnant on your own and if he knows about it he's either counting his eggs and freaking out because they aren't adding up or he's counting on you listening to him again and giving up another child. If you keep the baby, make sure that you don't expect him to be around. Expect to do it on your own. And make your decisions based on that expectation. The pregnancy might be what tips the balance and makes him leave his wife. Or forces him to confess and she'll have to make her own decision. She will find out. There's no hiding that. Good luck in your decision making and I hope you make the right choice for YOU.

[MissBee]

Investing in a bad situation doesn't make it any less bad. Unfortunately, sometimes we invest in a bad relationship and insist on waiting for the miraculous day when we will get some kind of return...and all that happens is you waste time and wear yourself out. We have to know when to throw the towel in, no matter how much has been "invested".

 

IMO, the relationship should have ended once he gave you the ultimatum that you should have an abortion or else the relationship would end..smh. That is cruel, manipulative and self-serving. He knew you were crazy about him and would do as he asked because you were enamored with him. He is pulling all the strings and it is for his own self interest, as he clearly is planning to stay married and doesn't want to have a baby to explain to his wife. You keep allowing him to impregnate you...why? He doesn't love you or support you, a man who loves and supports you would NOT demand you abort or he ends things. He is a BULLY, plain and simple. There is nothing loving or supportive about what he's doing.

 

Does he know about your current pregnancy? Sorry to say, but if he doesn't, he most likely will react just as he did before. He is using you IMO, and once it gets inconvenient and threatens his self-interest, i.e. you becoming pregnant...he freaks out and shows his TRUE colors. You need to let him know if he doesn't know, see how he reacts, and make a wise decision for yourself and your baby after that. If he acts like he did before...you need to take that as him not actually loving or supporting you and that he is not "separating" or ever leaving and plan what you will do for YOURSELF and your child accordingly. You have good reason to be fed up and I think you know deep down exactly what the situation is, but are hoping against hope that somehow all the time you've invested will all be worth it....but sorry, it doesn't at all seem to be likely. I agree with the poster who says you need to get support from friends and family to deal with this versus solely relying on the MM. Your family and friends will most likely have your best interest at heart more than he does (his interests seem to lie in covering his own tail), so I suggest you reach out to them as well.

Edited June 24, 2012 by MissBee

[YellowShark]

Ya know I read these types of threads and marvel at the cavalier attitudes. First your having affairs, then your having unprotected sex while having an affair, then on top of all that bad decision-making you are aborting babies like it's taking out the garbage or something.

 

Wow. Some of you women need serious mental help. That's not an insult it is a fact. Maybe try to not have affairs with married men, maybe try to practice safe sex, maybe stop having abortions like it was popping frikkin' tick tacs. That's the answer to all your problems.

 

Go ahead and flame me but what I am saying is 100% true.

[noelle303]

IMO, the relationship should have ended once he gave you the ultimatum that you should have an abortion or else the relationship would end..smh. That is cruel, manipulative and self-serving. He knew you were crazy about him and would do as he asked because you were enamored with him. He is pulling all the strings and it is for his own self interest, as he clearly is planning to stay married and doesn't want to have a baby to explain to his wife. You keep allowing him to impregnate you...why? He doesn't love you or support you, a man who loves and supports you would NOT demand you abort or he ends things. He is a BULLY, plain and simple. There is nothing loving or supportive about what he's doing.

 

 

100% agreed. He manipulated you and coerced you into doing what was best for HIM. I know it well, my xMM tried to do the exact same thing.

 

I don't know whether or not you've told him about this pregnancy, but please make sure that this time you put your own interest ahead of everything else and make a decision based on that.

 

From my own experience, as a mother to a 16 month old that I have with xMM, he wasn't someone to rely on in this situation. I don't know about your MM but based on past performance...

 

Look, it is a big shock and keeping this baby will turn his life upside down. He might have said that he would separate, he might have even actually thought about it and considered it but when reality hits he is probably going to be terrified. You need to be prepared for that and you need to face the fact that he will be basing his feeling on your pregnancy on how it will affect his life. Divorces are not easy and they are even less easy under these sort of circumstances.

 

The thing is that based on his reaction, at least you will be certain where you stand on his list of priorities in life and how honest he really was. I know that when I got pregnant and all hell broke lose it was actually a real eye-opening experience, the happy bubble had burst.

 

How do you feel about this pregnancy? Would you ever consider single motherhood?

[Summer Breeze]

I don't believe in abortion so my advice is have the baby. Either keep it or put it up for adoption. I couldn't give a baby up but everyone is different. If you keep it see a lawyer and be prepared. Your baby doesn't deserve to go with less than it should have. Talk to the lawyer about child support and discuss things that MM will throw your way--paternity, you tricking him. Whatever else he may do to make it horrible for you. I'd have the lawyer write a letter noting him as the father and your willingness to do a paternity test (at his expense). I'd have him go into child support and your expectations of his role in the childs life. I know this will be horrible for his W but at the end of the day the child is now what should matter to you. Do not do it as a way to get one over on him or to out the A. Make sure this baby is what you want and that you are completely committed to it.

 

Right now his feelings and mean nothing. Expect the worst because he'll give you that and more.

 

Take care of yourself in this. Talk to someone as soon as you can. You have some really tough decisions in front of you.

[Alice2012]

You keep allowing him to impregnate you...why?

 

And this is the $64,000 question.

 

He told you after (or before) the previous terminated pregnancy that he would "be there" for you if you ever got pregnant again. He obviously said that in order to pacify you, but you interpreted it as a way to get him.

 

And so you intentionally got pregnant thinking what?

That this time around getting pregnant would make him leave his wife?

 

Very reckless and irresponsible. You need to get professional help to figure out why you would do this to yourself, this man's wife . . . and an innocent child.

Edited June 24, 2012 by Alice2012

[darkmoon]

go for an open adoption, best of both worlds, i think that this MM seems like he would not pay maintenance (but you could ask) in spite of being one half of the two who made the baby, it's his as much as yours and tbh he liked making the baby (did it alot) this problem is not all a mother-to-be's fault

 

i hope you feel ok now OP xx

life won't always be this hellish

Edited June 24, 2012 by darkmoon

[YellowShark]

Alice and Summer hit it on the nose. These poor innocent children being brought up without fathers, or aborted.. Why? Because of selfish adults are creating these stupid avoidable messes. Don't have an affair, and if you are dumb enough to do so then at least use a damn condom.

 

Stop making babies the victims of your terrible decision-making.

[noelle303]

Alice and Summer hit it on the nose. These poor innocent children being brought up without fathers, or aborted.. Why? Because of selfish adults are creating these stupid avoidable messes. Don't have an affair, and if you are dumb enough to do so then at least use a damn condom.

 

Stop making babies the victims of your terrible decision-making.

 

 

What is this? Is this your advice or something? Because it is a pretty crappy one. You show up here, all holier than thou saying things which are of absolutely no use. Talk about closing the gate after the horse already bolted.

 

You can judge me, you can have any opinion of me and the OP you prefer, frankly I don't care. But why do YOU come on a OW/OM forum and go around telling people ''don't have affairs'', about 90% of people on here ALREADY HAVE ONE. And the girl didn't ask whether or not she should get pregnant with a MM. In case you missed it in the OP she already IS pregnant! Your preaching is useless now.

 

If this forum and the people on here get on your nerves, don't freakin come on here!

[Alice2012]

In case you missed it in the OP she already IS pregnant! Your preaching is useless now.

 

 

How on earth can you say it's useless? If the OP gets the help she needs, she can avoid yet another repeat pregnancy in the future. You can't dance around what's the OP is doing.

 

She doesn't need to trick men in order to get this man or any other man to "love" her. She has A LOT of soul searching to do and needs professional help to figure out why she repeatedly puts herself in this situation, including an innocent child.

 

The OP claims in her initial post that she "feels lost." Examining and changing her behavior has EVERYTHING to do with her future, especially now that she's having a child.

 

The readers here should ignore the deeper issues going on with this girl and throw her a virtual baby shower instead of helping her help herself?

Edited June 24, 2012 by Alice2012

[YellowShark]

What is this? Is this your advice or something? Because it is a pretty crappy one. You show up here, all holier than thou saying things which are of absolutely no use. Talk about closing the gate after the horse already bolted.

 

You can judge me, you can have any opinion of me and the OP you prefer, frankly I don't care. But why do YOU come on a OW/OM forum and go around telling people ''don't have affairs'', about 90% of people on here ALREADY HAVE ONE. And the girl didn't ask whether or not she should get pregnant with a MM. In case you missed it in the OP she already IS pregnant! Your preaching is useless now.

 

If this forum and the people on here get on your nerves, don't freakin come on here!

 

The horse "bolted" because Joyce had A) an affair with a married man, and B) is now on the SECOND baby with him. And you lash out at me? Hahahaha!

 

Joyce needs to take some ownership for her ridiculously bad decision making. I am only saying what needs to be said. It makes me sick that she is on the second child with the same married guy and again thinking of aborting.

 

Joyce needs therapy because getting knocked up TWICE by the same married man is insane. Sorry if you don't agree.

Edited June 24, 2012 by YellowShark

[joyce14brown]

I ddnt have unprotected sex and I'm 20 so of course I didn't try to get pregnant. Yes I want to keep it... He knows everything he monetarily supports me and he isn't ingoring me but he still hasn't left her just made excuses and keeps asking if I'm sure I want to keep it... But yea I used an iud this time around and had an expulsion... It's like though he still wants everything to stay the same. I really don't get how he expects this to work... Also he said he'd do thing differently he has but not how he said he would...

 

also if you're angry at me for being the other women well that's what this section is...

[Alice2012]

but he still hasn't left her just made excuses and keeps asking if I'm sure I want to keep it

 

He keeps asking you if you're sure because he wants you to abort.

 

Get it out of your head that he's going to leave his wife. It's not going to happen.

 

If you've never been looking to get pregnant and don't have unprotected sex, how did you get pregnant the last time?

[joyce14brown]

The horse "bolted" because Joyce had A) an affair with a married man, and B) is now on the SECOND baby with him. And you lash out at me? Hahahaha!

 

Joyce needs to take some ownership for her ridiculously bad decision making. I am only saying what needs to be said. It makes me sick that she is on the second child with the same married guy and again thinking of aborting.

 

Joyce needs therapy because getting knocked up TWICE by the same married man is insane. Sorry if you don't agree.

 

when did I say I was considering abortion? I've never even had an abortion to begin with. I fundamentally believe it's wrong that's not something I'd do unless I were raped or in last case's situation. I mced. That's nature not me...

[Alice2012]

I ddnt have unprotected sex and I'm 20 so of course I didn't try to get pregnant. Yes I want to keep it... He knows everything he monetarily supports me and he isn't ingoring me but he still hasn't left her just made excuses and keeps asking if I'm sure I want to keep it... But yea I used an iud this time around and had an expulsion... It's like though he still wants everything to stay the same. I really don't get how he expects this to work... Also he said he'd do thing differently he has but not how he said he would...

 

also if you're angry at me for being the other women well that's what this section is...

 

How old is the MM?

[YellowShark]

I ddnt have unprotected sex and I'm 20 so of course I didn't try to get pregnant.

 

So if I read correctly you got pregnant at 18 with this guy and now you are pregnant again at 20. Wow. How old is this peodofile you are in love with?

[Alice2012]

I've never even had an abortion to begin with.

 

But you did or didn't have one two years ago?

[Alice2012]

 

also if you're angry at me for being the other women well that's what this section is...

 

What sort of advice do you want?

The man is not leaving his wife. You need to prepare yourself for single motherhood and end the affair.

 

Does your family know? What are your plans?

Edited June 24, 2012 by Alice2012

[joyce14brown]

I was like 14 weeks pregnant of course I didn't have an actual abortion I just said he wanted me to get rid of it. I ended up mcing.... Same as this time I know that he has no say he just said things would be different and I feel disappointed really

 

 

he's not that old actually... Plus I'm an adult. I'm just young. He's 28...

 

 

I just used condoms back then it didn't work out I was bound to have a break one time or another.

 

he's not as unsupportive but really feel unappreciated... And like this isn't going anywhere good tbh...

[noelle303]

How on earth can you say it's useless? If the OP gets the help she needs, she can avoid yet another repeat pregnancy in the future. You can't dance around what's the OP is doing.

 

She doesn't need to trick men in order to get this man or any other man to "love" her. She has A LOT of soul searching to do and needs professional help to figure out why she repeatedly puts herself in this situation, including an innocent child.

 

The OP claims in her initial post that she "feels lost." Examining and changing her behavior has EVERYTHING to do with her future, especially now that she's having a child.

 

The readers here should ignore the deeper issues going on with this girl and throw her a virtual baby shower instead of helping her help herself?

 

 

I'm sorry, you came to this conclusion based on WHAT? You're writing about it like you are so sure that that is what happened like you actually know the situation so well.

 

The woman accidentally got pregnant. It happened. The baby is inside her now and she needs to figure out her future not focus on what she should have done.

 

I mean...you guys have every right to judge OWs but then don't come to a section where from the very name of it you can conclude that there will probably be one or two.

[Alice2012]

I'm sorry, you came to this conclusion based on WHAT? You're writing about it like you are so sure that that is what happened like you actually know the situation so well.

 

The woman accidentally got pregnant. It happened. The baby is inside her now and she needs to figure out her future not focus on what she should have done.

 

I mean...you guys have every right to judge OWs but then don't come to a section where from the very name of it you can conclude that there will probably be one or two.

 

The OP used condoms that didn't "work" and neither did the IUD???

 

Based on everything she's written about this relationship and her feelings (particularly her obvious delusions about him leaving his wife), I'm not buying the accidental pregnancy claims.

Edited June 24, 2012 by Alice2012

[The_Middleman]

Sounds like Joyce is experiencing major league Karma.

[noelle303]

The OP used condoms that didn't "work" and neither did the IUD.

I'm not really buying the accidental pregnancy claims. You can if you want, but I don't.

 

You don't have to. That is your right. But the thing is that you do not know the woman, neither do I and you can't make assumptions on her life like it is a known fact to you.

She is here and she will be given advice based on the information she provides us.

 

I'm very sorry, I'm not here to start an argument but it irks me to see Yellow Shark, who by the way I remember from my own thread when I was in the same situation, saying the same things ''well if you hadn't had an affair, well if you had used a condom, well if you hadn't been this stupid...etc''. Thank you Captain Obvious. It doesn't provide anything constructive other than stuff everyone already knows and it makes people defensive.