Why sensitivity is a strength

[Seductive]

Has anyone ever called you "too sensitive" as if it was a bad thing? A poster named Eddie Edirol once accused me of being so, but I pity him for never being able to have the ability to empathize with someone. Here's an article that explains the gift of being highly sensitive.

 

Being Too Sensitive | Expressive Counseling

 

 

People who say "You're too sensitive" tend to be cold, angry, bitter and repulsive to the opposite sex in the dating world. They end up having relationship problems, because they themselves don't know how to respect the other person's emotions. They end up being perceived as "mean" by others. Nobody likes a mean person. An "overly sensitive" person may take things too personally, BUT they have the ability to feel someone else's pain. They also have the ability to be cautious of their actions and manners to make sure they're not hurting the other person' feelings.

 

People with sensitive traits are able to bring compassion, warmth, and art into the world. I don't think there's such a thing as "too sensitive", to be honest. Children today are in need of a sensitive and caring adult. Not someone that's going to tell them "Shut up and stop being so sensitive!"

[january2011]

If by being too sensitive, you allow yourself to react to an internet stranger's words in a way that negatively and strongly impacts your emotional and mental health (when you were perfectly fine before the interaction) then, in my opinion, you're being too sensitive and it's a weakness.

 

Having said that, as you pointed out, there's nothing inherently wrong with being too sensitive or too anything for that matter, if you don't allow the attribute to negatively and strongly impact your wellbeing.

[carhill]

I looked into Dr. Aaron's perspective while in MC and found I scored quite high on the HSP index.

 

The difficult thing to communicate to my then wife was how a person so equipped experiences the world in general, not just interpersonal relationships. Touch, sight, smell, hearing, in general all the stimulus of living, is naturally received by the brain in a different way. Therapy helped me process the stimulus differently to prevent becoming overwhelmed. That said, it is problematical when high index and low index, relative to sensitivity, people get together simply because of the vastly different ways of experiencing the world and inter-relating with each other. I recall our MC, after clarifying this issue, openly wondering how it was we even got together in the first place. It became evident over time that we were each masking this portion of our elemental selves to 'function' in the relationship. A fundamental incompatibility.

 

I view sensitivity, at least as defined in the realm of HSP, as a human characteristic. More generically, relative to treating others with sensitivity and kindness and compassion and empathy, using the word sensitivity to describe those aspects, I think it's a positive human characteristic from the social interaction standpoint. I can say that such has definitely made developing loving friendships a relatively simple and fluid process throughout life. Relationships, of the intimate sort, more problematical, mainly due to how such aspects are viewed in a man relative to his masculinity and potency. My take-away, so far, is that women definitely do like a sensitive man, but generally as a friend. Perhaps they might want him as a lover and husband, but the attraction doesn't match up with the want. I think a man who has a 'sensitive side' is probably a healthier middle ground in such matters. YMMV>

[SpiralOut]

Sensitivity can be both a strength and a weakness, just like anything really. Everyone has certain traits that can either help or hinder them. That doesn't mean that it's a bad thing to be sensitive, just that you should be aware of how it's affecting you, to make sure that it's not hurting you more than it should.

[M30USA]

Compassion? Yes, a great strength.

 

Sensitivity? As long as it's directed towards others and for the benefit of others. If you are "sensitive to the needs of others", then it's great. But if, by being sensitive, other people "walk on eggshells" around you, then I don't see how that can be good.

 

This dichotomy explains why it's possible for a seemingly rough man to have more compassion than a sensitive woman. It's all about how it affects others.

[carhill]

As most people have an ego, where is the balance point of self and others? IMO, too much in either direction is unhealthy. Also, it would seem problematical to be sensitive to the needs of others whilst being relatively insensitive to one's own needs. There would have to be a fundamental disconnect within one's psyche. I'm sure there are examples of such people; selfless individuals who give totally and take/need nothing but IME that's quite outlier to common human experience.

 

So, where is the demarcation between strength and weakness, or liability? How do we define it, specifically?

 

For myself, one demarcation is where I feel used when sensitivity (directed towards others) was/is taken for granted and without appreciation or reciprocity in any realm. There is a point where selfless sensitivity ends. If the feelings are acknowledged and the choice is made to continue, any subsequent feelings and/or results are entirely my responsibility, where I own any unhealthiness created by the choice made. Defining and having healthy boundaries is a strength too. Together with sensitivity, such can be a positive life experience.

[Seductive]

Yes, it's not helpful to let an internet stranger's words negatively impact you, but it's okay to acknowledge bad behavior when you see it. I think there's a difference between "walking on eggshells" and simply having the tact of how to act in a healthy relationship. If you call someone names or push their boundaries, and then tell them "I feel like I'm walking on eggshells when you get upset at me for calling you a stupid wh*re." -Something isn't right there.

 

Some posters on here seem to have a "put up and shut up" attitude. What they don't realize is that we all have the power to teach people how to treat us. If we don't like something, we have the right to speak up about it and not tolerate it.

 

I don't like the word "weakness", because a person may start to believe that they're truly weak and helpless if you keep telling them that they're weak.

[Taramere]

Has anyone ever called you "too sensitive" as if it was a bad thing? A poster named Eddie Edirol once accused me of being so, but I pity him for never being able to have the ability to empathize with someone. Here's an article that explains the gift of being highly sensitive.

 

Being Too Sensitive | Expressive Counseling

 

 

People who say "You're too sensitive" tend to be cold, angry, bitter and repulsive to the opposite sex in the dating world. They end up having relationship problems, because they themselves don't know how to respect the other person's emotions. They end up being perceived as "mean" by others. Nobody likes a mean person.

 

Hmmm. Perhaps I have a different understanding of what sensitive means....but to me, a comment like that wouldn't be one I'd readily perceive as being a sensitive one. It speaks more of a desire to berate and wound. If sensitivity takes you to the point where you want to punish those you perceive as less sensitive with direct or indirect "nobody likes you" message, then you probably are too sensitive.

 

PS. From the limited amount of dealings I've had with the poster called Eddie Edirol, he's struck me as a pretty cool guy rather than a "cold, angry, bitter and repulsive one."

[Seductive]

Hmmm. Perhaps I have a different understanding of what sensitive means....but to me, a comment like that wouldn't be one I'd readily perceive as being a sensitive one. It speaks more of a desire to berate and wound. If sensitivity takes you to the point where you want to punish those you perceive as less sensitive with direct or indirect "nobody likes you" message, then you probably are too sensitive.

 

PS. From the limited amount of dealings I've had with the poster called Eddie Edirol, he's struck me as a pretty cool guy rather than a "cold, angry, bitter and repulsive one."

 

 

Thank you for sharing your insight. I wanted to edit the original post, because I re-read things and didn't like how I chose my wording.

 

But, I do think Eddie Edirol has drastically changed his demeanor than how he was before. Several posters and have complained about him and reported him, so that's what probably propelled him to clean up his act.

 

 

I will think about what you said. Have a lovely day, dear.

Edited June 24, 2012 by Seductive

[darcgun]

that's just the belief of a psychologist. Besides, ethical psychologists should not be saying who is "superior" and who is not.

 

Sensitivity is a vice, not a virtue. If one is easily offended, and especially from things in which offence is not intended, then who is to blame?

[Seductive]

You must have been hurt by a psychologist or maybe felt upset at someone calling you insensitive? I'm sorry to hear that and hope you feel better. Sending warm wishes your way!

[Mr Scorpio]

IMO, sensitivity is a positive for creative careers and at times for raising children. Beyond that, in my experience, it has been a weakness. Perhaps I confuse sensitivity with sentimentality. Perhaps it is because I've suffered from dysthmia to full-blown major depression. But to me, sensitivity is more of a weakness than a strength.

 

Being at the opposite end of the spectrum, I envy "tough guys" who can turn a blind eye to being rejected by a woman, a loss in life, etc.

[UpDownAllAround]

IMO, sensitivity is a positive for creative careers and at times for raising children. Beyond that, in my experience, it has been a weakness. Perhaps I confuse sensitivity with sentimentality. Perhaps it is because I've suffered from dysthmia to full-blown major depression. But to me, sensitivity is more of a weakness than a strength.

 

Being at the opposite end of the spectrum, I envy "tough guys" who can turn a blind eye to being rejected by a woman, a loss in life, etc.

 

I envy those "tough guys" as well. Damn rejection. Gets me every time.

 

Then again I wouldn't have the creative talents I do so I guess it's a trade off.

[Seductive]

Mr.Scorpio,

 

If you don't mind me saying, I think society has conditioned us to feel that sensitivity is a weakness. American society has also conditioned us to feel that being feminine and dainty is a weakness! Yes, I know I'm being un- PC and am awaiting the gender equality army to challenge me. I come from an Eastern immigrant family, so it's interesting to see how American values differ from Eastern philosophy.

 

For instance, I've been told by other white American women that I need to "toughen up", act like a ball-buster, or even act like a demanding b*tch. They think that my choice of walking away from conflict or using a calm and tender voice to de-escalate aggression is weak or being a push-over. I disagree, because acting like a hostile animal isn't going to do me any good. If acting like a rude, demanding and aggressive is what makes you a "strong woman", I don't want to be a part of that. I feel happier keeping a soft nature and knowing that men appreciate a sweet woman.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I've always been called over sensitive. I think what they really mean is that I take things too seriously.

 

Unfortunately my sensitivity is more self-sensitivity than sensitivity for others. That doesn't mean I'm not sensitive to others because I am, but I'm more about protecting my own perceived vulnerabilities.

 

I think there are a lot of good things about being sensitive. We tend to be arty, creative types. But lots of cons too!