Oh wicked and spiteful Fate!

[Drewl]

This is a mostly rhetorical question.

 

Any girl I ever fall for always just considers us "friends" while most girls I just consider friends fall for me and sometimes even use the "L" word. I am young (22) and a romantic but just cannot return the feelings these girls have for me.

 

Now here is the question, am I cursed, or is it a deep seeded psychological love suicide I am attempting. I sort of think the latter because it seems like I am always chasing girls that I think that I have no chance with and then my heart is broken. Sort of like shooting myself in the foot. Then again I could be cursed, maybe I jilted the wrong girl (black magic, voodoo?)

 

Well if anyone has any feedback or anecdotes, please respond.

[Tony T]

Yeah, go've got it right...totally right.

 

Several things could be happening here. Since you have this thing figured out, you may be going for the ones you know who will shoot you down because you really have a fear of intimacy or long term relationships. Therefore, you go after those you know you probably won't get in order to protect yourself. If one of them starts showing a fondness for you, most likely you back off because you are terrified.

 

This problem may be something from your childhood, a self esteem issue of some sort, etc. Those with abandonment issues tend to go after the unattainable so they will never be exposed to the possibility of being abandoned. It gets pretty complicated but you are certainly onto it.

 

As a rule of thumb, people generally end up with those who are similar in appearance ranking...statistically, studies show that's how it usually works out. There are just some who are only attracted to the most gorgeous and beautiful. Some say it's an astrology thing...I don't really know. For those, either they get their heart chopped up so many times they get the message...or they luck out and find a very attractive person who cares about them for who they are and all is fine.

 

As far as your friends go, I will tell you. Falling in love with a friend is the best way to do it, if you can pull it off. I know you think of them as only platonic friends and find it difficult but you may consider trying to look at a few another way...reconsider. A friend turned lover is someone who accepts you, loves you and cares about you just like you are. They have seen you in the most unpretentious ways, you haven't put on a show for them, they've seen you at your worst, they know your problems and your quirks and they still care. You can't buy that kind of love with all the gold in the world. Just a suggestion.

 

If you want to continue going for the beauty queens, great. Have your fun. Maybe you'll luck out. But if your goal is to avoid a relationship, you're certainly doing it right.

 

If you really are wanting someone and are only attracted to the unattainables, make them attainable through strategies such as being a challenge, playing hard to get, not calling them so much, not being so nice. You probably have a tendency to go for them with too much vigor. Use the same strategy you do with your lady platonic friends. Ease on in there through the back door. Get them wanting you.

 

You can do it. But like the car-chasing dog who finally catches up with the car, will you know what to do with her once you catch her???

[kalik]

I think we naturally want what we cannot have. We chase what we can never catch.

 

I think we've all been there before, and sometimes there just isn't that spark. But sooner or later, someone will feel the exact same way that you feel towards them. It's just a matter of time. And it always happens when you're not looking for it.

 

kalik

[Mitch]

Well if anyone has any feedback or anecdotes, please respond.

Hey, I'm an anyone! Better respond...

I sort of think the latter [DSPLS] because it seems like I always chasing girls that I think that I have no chance with and then my heart is broken. Sort of like shooting myself in the foot. Then again I could be cursed, maybe I jilted the wrong girl (black magic, voodoo?)

Occam's razor my friend, Occam's razor.

 

If there isn't some showstopper type common denominator with the women you go after (like they're all married, you're trying to pick them up in a lesbian bar, etc.) it could be that you act dramatically different when you're chasing them vs. the ones you don't have the feelings for.

 

That old adage that "women can smell fear" is true of anybody. Anxiety is contagious. And when you're after the women that you're desperately trying to impress, well... that's the paradox.

 

Or, and I think Tony alluded to this, maybe it IS a case of "I couldn't be interested in any girl who'd want me for a boyfriend." A derivative of Groucho Marx's "I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would take me as a member."

 

If true, you will be heavily disappointed by definition.

 

So the key is to come down a bit when chasing the women you're after. Is it easy? Hah! Hell no! But it's worth it.

 

Good luck.