ihateslowjams Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 (edited) ok, I'm really confused. My ex gf broke it off with me, but she's mad at me? i don't get it... I've been in NC for 2 weeks, but we BU 3 weeks ago. I recently had to text her about that cell phone plan we shared to separate herself from it. However, she has yet to reply. Also, i can sense the hostility (you kinda just know when your SO is angry/sad/happy after being with them for so long) So why does she hold hostility towards me if she's the one who broke it off? She mentioned she thought about breaking it off for the past 6 months... so shouldn't she have indifference already if that was the case? those past 6 months, she slowly became less intimate/affectionate towards me until it was completely gone a few weeks before the BU. Is it normal for the dumper to believe they have a reason to be angry at the dumpee if the dumpee is willing to work through every issue to keep the relationship? Edited June 24, 2012 by ihateslowjams Link to post Share on other sites
no_more_tries Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 I honestly think they have to create/feed off of anger to prevent themselves from seeing just how unkind their actions have been. As long as they stay mad at us, then they don't have to look at themselves. That's the impression I get anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Totally agree especially if they already have a huge chip on their shoulder. They want to push down ant feelings of guilt as much as possible. They don't want to think about if it's a mistake or not. If they were a real jerk they don't want everyone to see them that way. So they'll lie and turn everything on you. They'll lie even more if you were cheated on for someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ihateslowjams Posted June 25, 2012 Author Share Posted June 25, 2012 damn... she called the cellphone provider and couldn't provide the account password. so the cell phone company called me and did a 3 way with her... she was happy and out and about during this call... i just became miserable hearing that... i feel like crap... 14 days NC broken and it wasn't even my doing... this BLOWS Link to post Share on other sites
GLDheart Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 ... i feel like crap... 14 days NC broken and it wasn't even my doing... this BLOWS I feel your pain. Just be glad it's a cell plan your sharing and not a child. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Some people also have no empathy/ don't care for anyone but themselves. They might also get off on hurting people like my ex does. Link to post Share on other sites
kallen84 Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 Sry for the pain i deal with it every day as the above said be glad you dont share a kid i share 2 kids plus a step with my ex,and she is always mad at me for no reason i think calls me just to hurt me now he number is on the reject list on my droid. Link to post Share on other sites
g450 Posted June 28, 2012 Share Posted June 28, 2012 I honestly think they have to create/feed off of anger to prevent themselves from seeing just how unkind their actions have been. As long as they stay mad at us, then they don't have to look at themselves. That's the impression I get anyway. That's exactly right. My XW was a total bitch to me before, during and after the divorce. Even years later. I was totally perplexed by that because I gave her every damn thing she wanted. So why the **** are you not happy? I came here and learned why. That's why you leave them alone. So they can stew in their own defecation and lies. Sticking around them so you can be the target of their own inner hatred is the last thing you want to do. Make her eat her own **** sandwitch. That is why everyone here tells you to go NC. Let her deal with her own issues and sooner or later she will start missing you. But to be honest, missing you doesnt mean wanting you back. I would say 99% of the time its over with. Most folks only come here to heal and find a way to deal with the inevitable. Link to post Share on other sites
xenomorph Posted June 29, 2012 Share Posted June 29, 2012 Yeah, thanks to LS and general research, I finally came to understand why my H was and still is being a total jerk: guilt. major major guilt. The last email he sent me pretty much proved it. I'm past worrying if I F up NC or not. I removed the "band aid" to see where I was in the healing process and found that I'm doing a lot better than I thought. I'm actually happy, even though thoughts of him can sometimes get me down, it's not long enough to intrude on my life anymore. I can forgive him and I can move on without ill will towards him. He can't. He's bitter, angry, and blaming his bad attitude towards me on me (HA). He's the one who wanted a divorce. He's the one who cheated and lied about it. He's the one who bailed before filing. He's the one who acted irresponsibly instead of taking care of the divorce and leaving me to clean up after his mess. He's the one justifying his terrible actions. He doesn't seem very happy. I think his biggest fear is being exposed, which he knows I can do so he's keeping me as far away from he and his friends as possible. 5000 miles is a pretty good distance, haha I hope he gets over himself and learns what happiness really is. Until then, F him and the horse he rode off on. It took a few months, but I'm better off without his miserableness dragging me down. Link to post Share on other sites
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