M30USA Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 Most people refer to a divorce/separation as having a dumper and a dumpee. I don't think who dumped who matters. To me it's more about who is at fault, or who was really the primary toxin of the relationship. It's funny, on that note, how all divorces now are "no fault divorces". That is such a lie. It's no wonder why people just split up and don't give any reflection to the idea that one person (or both) might have caused it. Nowadays it's just, "We weren't right for each other, blah blah blah..." In my case, I'm not sure who the dumper or dumpee is. My wife assaulted me and got taken to jail. I wouldn't let her back in the house because she refused to apologize. I'm sorry, I can't allow a relationship like that to continue without at a MINIMUM a sincere apology. Nope, in her case she blamed ME for the fact that she hit me. Figures. Anyway, she is the one who actually filed for divorce a week after the event. So I'm not sure who is the dumper or dumpee. But my point is this: she views relationship problems as being caused by BOTH people. This means that if she assaulted me, it's still equally my fault. I don't buy that. It doesn't jive with me. Why? Because the minute I do something to HER which isn't nice, it's immediately and unquesntionably my fault--and no one elses. So to me the term dumper and dumpee mean nothing. It's more about who was the better person. Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Those are only words. More about who procrastinated the least as it sounds like you were both finished. Why does it matter? Get over any "pride" in being the one who dumped who. Instead get on with living and moving on with your life. That is what is important - not who left who. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninja'sHusband Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 My wife and I literally flipped a coin in mediation to see who would be petitioner\respondent(I'm petitioner on paper). It's not simple. I think she's the one who wanted out really. She had an affair. I had to initiate the divorce because I couldn't trust her anymore, she just wasn't into the marriage but was too cowardly to end it. Of course after I initiate she's like "OK!" and wants to make out like she was leaving me for me being explosive...after she had an affair..yeahhh... Who left who? Depends on how you look at it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beenburned Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 M30USA, Not all states are "no fault" divorces. I live in one of the 13 states in the US that still recognizes adultery as a fault. And if proven, the assets are not divided 50/50 but 60/40. Including recooping any marital money spent on the affair partner. There are also states where you can sue the OW/MM for alienation of affection. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 I've never actually heard divorcing partners referred to as "Dumper" or "Dumpee". I don't think "Dumpee" is even a real word. Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted June 26, 2012 Author Share Posted June 26, 2012 I've never actually heard divorcing partners referred to as "Dumper" or "Dumpee". I don't think "Dumpee" is even a real word. I made it real. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GLDheart Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 I agree that the terms are misleading. I dumped my adulterous EX Fiancee and went no contact. By that it seems I am the dumper... However, she forced my hand. The last thing on earth I wanted was an end to my relationship. In that way, her actions are what ended us... so I feel like the dumpee. In the end, all that matters is that she made a mess out of my life that I am left to clean up. Link to post Share on other sites
Radagast Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 In the UK "no fault" divorces take 2-5 years minimum, so if you want a "quicky" divorce (1 year) it has to be a "fault" divorce. Two grounds are allowed: infidelity, and unreasonable behaviour. An unfaithful spouse cannot sue for divorce based on their own infidelity, so an unfaithful spouse wanting to be shot of his or her spouse would either need to file on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour, or persuade the spouse to file on the grounds of the infidelity, which could be difficult if that spouse wants to remain married. Which leaves the unfaithful spouse with the option of abandoning the spouse for a minimum of two years, at which point they can apply for a no fault divorce, but if the spouse still wants to be married they will be forced to wait five years before the divorce can be granted. Which does make a mockery of the whole "dumper / dumpee" thing. Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 (edited) I am currently going through a divorce in the UK and it was my understanding that all divorces are "no fault" but you need to have a valid reason for the breakdown of the marriage for the judge to approve the divorce. The quicker route is "unreasonable behavior" or "adultery", otherwise you would have to separate for 2 years and agree, 2 and half years for desertion or wait 5 years if you disagree...! UK Divorce Grounds Edited July 4, 2012 by jaymz Link to post Share on other sites
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