Why do some want kids?

[avon20]

Why do some people decide to have children? I am not knocking anyone's choices. I just want someone to help me understand what drives people to have children when they know full well it is the biggest responsibility anyone can take on in this life.

 

Why would anyone want to take on more responsibility in this life than what is necessary? Life is hard enough as it is already even if you are not married and have no kids and are only responsible for yourself.

 

I have already decided that I do not want kids and do not want to get married for the simple reason that I do not want the responsibility. That is the biggest reason I stopped having sex in 2002.

 

But life is still hard even after I made the decision to forget about getting into committed relationships with women. It is more than enough hard work just taking care of me and doing what I need to do to have my physical necessities in life met.

 

So why would anyone add more responsibility to their lives than necessary?

[january2011]

• It's in the script/expected
  
• It's the next logical step after marriage
  
• Parental/peer/societal pressure
  
• Hormones
  
• To please their partner
  
• They've dreamt about it ever since they were a kid themselves
  
• They want to be a mommy/daddy
  
• They want to carry on the family name/gene pool/etc
  
• They feel ready to love and take care of someone other than themselves
  
• They want to feel needed
  
• They want to feel that there is more to life
  

[xxoo]

Why would anyone want to take on more responsibility in this life than what is necessary?

 

We take on more responsibility when we purchase a home, move up levels at work, or even adopt a pet. Why do people do those things? We are motivated by perceived rewards. We like the freedom of having our own homes. We derive satisfaction and money from our work. We enjoy unconditional love from our pets

 

Parenting is a tremendous responsibility, yes. But it also has tremendous, incomparable rewards.

[sb129]

There's also the biological aspect. Mst of us are hard wired to want to reproduce to continue the species.

 

I have one child, and parenting is hard work. I love her to bits and she is a fun little person to have around most of the time. She's added a positive dimension to our marriage.

[FitChick]

Shouldn't this should be moved to the Marriage and Partnerships forum?

[fucpcg]

If you don't get it... you're right, don't have them. No need to understand the choice of those that do, you definitely shouldn't do it.

[mario_C]

Instinct?

 

Of course, I'm a man, so I don't get it. We're not supposed to.

[SarahRose]

I dont understand why people do these days when nobody actually wants to be a parent and raise children properly.

 

They have them and let the tv and internet raise them.

 

Nobody wants to make a hot meal any more. frozen food thrown on a plate which is about the same effort as filling up a dog dish.

[Mr Scorpio]

As someone who at least works with lots of children I would guess the reasons include:

 

1) They laugh at the stupidest jokes

2) They love being silly like I do

3) Watching them experience various pleasures and joys brings the parent similar joy

4) A sense of familiar continuity. Politics aside, the family is the foundation of our society.

5) A sense of community with multiple generations attending holiday get-togethers, weddings, etc.

[sb129]

I dont understand why people do these days when nobody actually wants to be a parent and raise children properly.

 

They have them and let the tv and internet raise them.

 

Nobody wants to make a hot meal any more. frozen food thrown on a plate which is about the same effort as filling up a dog dish.

 

 

Not in this house. Tv is 20mins a day if that, and no fast or junk or processed food is in our cupboards. Meals cooked from scratch every night.

 

We are pretty strict, we insist on a 7pm bedtime and an hours "rest" (reading/ napping or quiet time every day) and we go to the beach for a walk most days.

My daughter isn't perfect (neither are we), but we don't have too much of a problem with discipline, so we actually get to enjoy being parents.

[Radu]

Why do some people decide to have children? I am not knocking anyone's choices. I just want someone to help me understand what drives people to have children when they know full well it is the biggest responsibility anyone can take on in this life.

 

Why would anyone want to take on more responsibility in this life than what is necessary? Life is hard enough as it is already even if you are not married and have no kids and are only responsible for yourself.

 

I have already decided that I do not want kids and do not want to get married for the simple reason that I do not want the responsibility. That is the biggest reason I stopped having sex in 2002.

 

But life is still hard even after I made the decision to forget about getting into committed relationships with women. It is more than enough hard work just taking care of me and doing what I need to do to have my physical necessities in life met.

 

So why would anyone add more responsibility to their lives than necessary?

 

I don't think you stopped having sex 10yrs ago to avoid kids.

 

There are a ton of ways to avoid them, from BC to operations.

Be honest with yourself.

[avon20]

I do not think one can compare buying a home to raising kids. Having a roof over your head is all a matter of personal survival and necessary for protection from weather elements. Having kids is not a necessity. You won't be stranded out in the heat or cold if you do not have them. I do not think you can compare physical needs with children.

 

As far as my desire to understand what goes through people's minds when they decide to have children I cannot shake my curiosity. Just because I do not want any of my own does not stop me from being curious about others who do. It is no different then trying to understand why someone chose to go to the military or become a doctor or lawyer even if I did not choose those career paths. I see nothing wrong with trying to understand where people are coming from.

 

There are people who ask me why I do not want children as a way of trying to understand where I am coming from. What shocks me is that the girl I have been talking to everyday and who has become my best friend has asked me why I do not want children. She claims she does not want any kids herself but she still asks me why I don't want children of my own. Now I am curious why she would ask me that question even though we are on the same page about not wanting kids. Maybe she has a different reason than I do for not wanting kids? Then again she already has 2 daughters and both are grown now.

 

And as far as me getting an operation to avoid having kids? That would not be necessary. It would be a waste of time and money since I am not sexually active anyway and have not been in 10 years. I am 32 years old and I get more satisfaction from masturbation and occasional porn than I ever did from sexual intimacy with a woman. So unless a person gets more satisfaction from sex and can't control their sexual urges with a woman then I do not see any need to get a vasectomy done.

 

What drives me to be responsible about owning a home is survival and safety from elements. I do not want to worry about where I flee to shelter everytime a storm comes. I am not so driven to take on responsibilities with issues that do not pertain to survival.

 

I have no instinct to reproduce and continue the human race. Not everyone has that instinct. Furthermore I do not really care if the human species dies off in 200 years.

[avon20]

The universe does not revolve around humans so if we die off after 200 years then it just means our place in the universe has run its course. I think we overestimate our importance in the universe when we think it is all about us and about continuing our species. We are just a tiny fraction of it all. The universe will function just fine long after humans are gone.

[avon20]

I don't think you stopped having sex 10yrs ago to avoid kids.

 

There are a ton of ways to avoid them, from BC to operations.

Be honest with yourself.

 

Birth control methods still have risk. I am not willing to take that risk especially when I cannot even orgasm with a woman.

[Radu]

I do not think one can compare buying a home to raising kids. Having a roof over your head is all a matter of personal survival and necessary for protection from weather elements. Having kids is not a necessity. You won't be stranded out in the heat or cold if you do not have them. I do not think you can compare physical needs with children.

 

The need to procreate is still a physical need.

 

As far as my desire to understand what goes through people's minds when they decide to have children I cannot shake my curiosity. Just because I do not want any of my own does not stop me from being curious about others who do. It is no different then trying to understand why someone chose to go to the military or become a doctor or lawyer even if I did not choose those career paths. I see nothing wrong with trying to understand where people are coming from.

 

Most kids are not 'decisions' when it came to the act of procreation.

Most kids are accidents. The parents knew they wanted to have kids, but they didn't actually plan for it and when it happened, they were happy.

They may have wanted kids out of societal pressure, biological need [biological clock affects guys too], or just plain selfish needs like wanting someone to look up to them.

 

There are people who ask me why I do not want children as a way of trying to understand where I am coming from. What shocks me is that the girl I have been talking to everyday and who has become my best friend has asked me why I do not want children. She claims she does not want any kids herself but she still asks me why I don't want children of my own. Now I am curious why she would ask me that question even though we are on the same page about not wanting kids. Maybe she has a different reason than I do for not wanting kids? Then again she already has 2 daughters and both are grown now.

 

Because the kids she has right now will always be fixtures in her life, she comes as a package with them.

She is probably worried that you hate kids.

 

And as far as me getting an operation to avoid having kids? That would not be necessary. It would be a waste of time and money since I am not sexually active anyway and have not been in 10 years. I am 32 years old and I get more satisfaction from masturbation and occasional porn than I ever did from sexual intimacy with a woman. So unless a person gets more satisfaction from sex and can't control their sexual urges with a woman then I do not see any need to get a vasectomy done.

 

This makes me believe you are projecting all of this, and that there might be something wrong with you.

If you stopped having sex at 22 you are either low sex-drive, or asexual [you still masturbate], or in the closet, and are trying to rationalize this through 'not wanting kids'.

Sex is great, and it's more than about procreation. You could have gotten a vasectomy and gone wild, why didn't you ?

 

What drives me to be responsible about owning a home is survival and safety from elements. I do not want to worry about where I flee to shelter everytime a storm comes. I am not so driven to take on responsibilities with issues that do not pertain to survival.

 

I have no instinct to reproduce and continue the human race. Not everyone has that instinct. Furthermore I do not really care if the human species dies off in 200 years.

 

Yes, some ppl don't have it ... quite a lot actually, you are certainly not a minority of 1.

Could it be that you are gay ?

[avon20]

The children my best friend has are already grown. They are in their early 20s. So it isn't like I am going to have much responsibility to her kids if I become their stepfather. If her children were still in their teens then that would be a different story. But as each year goes by in their 20s my responsibility to them will get less and less.

 

 

How is procreation a physical need? You won't get sick or die if you do not have kids. Yes I know the human race can't continue but why should I care what happens to the rest of the human race after I am dead? Whether I reproduce or not I am not going to be here 100 years from now.

 

Sex might be great for many but not for me. I have ruled out the possibility of being gay since I do not look at gay porn. I only look at women. I am not asexual otherwise I would nor masturbate.

 

There is no point getting a vasectomy operation when I do not enjoy sex that much in the first place. And since I masturbate 6 times a day I do not have a low sex drive. Some people actually prefer masturbation over the real deal believe it or not. Maybe you will never understand this just like I may never understand why people decide to have children. It is sad that we cannot gain a better understanding of our differences as human beings.

[Radu]

It's not a question of responsability that she has towards them.

They will always be in her life, and if you can't figure this one out and what it means, than i'm sorry.

She will always be a parent, even when they have families and kids of their own.

The difference between a 10 and a 25 yr old child is their level of independence and maturity [in some].

 

Sex is a physical need, sex is the act of procreation morphed in an activity that is pleasurable.

When there is also the possibility of procreation added to sex, and when you do it with someone you truly care for, it is something mind blowing.

It is an expression of selfless love that has a primal need as a constant.

 

What porn you watch doesn't have that much bearing on what your sexuality is.

I have a girl friend who watches gay porn [male], and gets off on seeing the look on the guy's face when he gets penetrated by the other guy.

Completely straight, but she gets off on this.

I don't think you are asexual either.

 

I'm not sure masturbating 6 times a day is a healthy thing to do, sounds like you completely replaced sex with masturbation and porn.

The question is, why ?

What are you afraid off ?

 

I understood this a long time ago [porn and masturbation thing], virgin till 25 here.

I also understand the baby thing, up to about 2yrs ago i was in that camp too both because i believed in it and later because i just wanted to mess with ppl.

[DuchessKaye]

I have to admit that I'm one of the people who is desperately wanting to have kids or at least a kid. What can I say? I love children... Why do I even work my arse off, saving and investing if I don't have anyone to pass them to? I would surely go for adoption, I'll adopt 3 children if I reach 30 and I'm not married and has no kids yet. And I am serious about this...

[xxoo]

What drives me to be responsible about owning a home is survival and safety from elements. I do not want to worry about where I flee to shelter everytime a storm comes. I am not so driven to take on responsibilities with issues that do not pertain to survival.

 

You could rent to meet survival needs with a lot less overall worries and responsibility, unless you have some specific anxiety about renting.

 

But if you only take on responsibilities that in your perception pertain to survival, realize that is something unusual about you. No biggie, but most of us take on responsibilities because we get enjoyment from the rewards, beyond just survival.

 

Short answer: We have children because we enjoy having them.

[Ross MwcFan]

Why do some people decide to have children? I am not knocking anyone's choices. I just want someone to help me understand what drives people to have children when they know full well it is the biggest responsibility anyone can take on in this life.

 

Why would anyone want to take on more responsibility in this life than what is necessary? Life is hard enough as it is already even if you are not married and have no kids and are only responsible for yourself.

 

I have already decided that I do not want kids and do not want to get married for the simple reason that I do not want the responsibility. That is the biggest reason I stopped having sex in 2002.

 

But life is still hard even after I made the decision to forget about getting into committed relationships with women. It is more than enough hard work just taking care of me and doing what I need to do to have my physical necessities in life met.

 

So why would anyone add more responsibility to their lives than necessary?

 

One word, masochist.

[Ross MwcFan]

Not in this house. Tv is 20mins a day if that, and no fast or junk or processed food is in our cupboards. Meals cooked from scratch every night.

 

We are pretty strict, we insist on a 7pm bedtime and an hours "rest" (reading/ napping or quiet time every day) and we go to the beach for a walk most days.

My daughter isn't perfect (neither are we), but we don't have too much of a problem with discipline, so we actually get to enjoy being parents.

 

Only 20 mins a day? That's really extreme.

 

So what are they allowed to do when they're not in school or watching TV, only out doorsy stuff?

Edited June 25, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[xxoo]

Only 20 mins a day? That's really extreme.

 

So what are they allowed to do when they're not in school or watching TV, only out doorsy stuff?

 

Not extreme. Most young kids will choose attention from a parent over tv, every time.

 

They can play outdoors or play with toys inside. Or, we read together, cook together, and even clean together! Little kids love to "help".

[Ross MwcFan]

Not extreme. Most young kids will choose attention from a parent over tv, every time.

 

They can play outdoors or play with toys inside. Or, we read together, cook together, and even clean together! Little kids love to "help".

 

Are they only allowed a really small amount of time to play with toys?

 

What if they found being outdoors, cooking, cleaning, reading, whatever to be really boring, and living like this was making them depressed, but they really enjoyed watching TV, and playing video games.

 

Would you allow them to watch a lot more time to watch TV and play video games?

[xxoo]

Are they only allowed a really small amount of time to play with toys?

 

What if they found being outdoors, cooking, cleaning, reading, whatever to be really boring, and living like this was making them depressed, but they really enjoyed watching TV, and playing video games.

 

Would you allow them to watch a lot more time to watch TV and play video games?

 

This is off-topic. I'd be happy to explain more on a new thread.

[Ross MwcFan]

This is off-topic. I'd be happy to explain more on a new thread.

 

Okay, just made one.