A Q for strict parents who only allow their kids a tiny amount of time to watch TV

[Ross MwcFan]

Are your kids also only allowed a really small amount of time to play with toys?

 

What if they found being outdoors, cooking, cleaning, reading, whatever to be really boring, and living like this was making them depressed, but they really enjoyed watching TV, and playing video games.

 

Would you allow them to watch a lot more time to watch TV and play video games?

[josie54]

Are your kids also only allowed a really small amount of time to play with toys?

 

What if they found being outdoors, cooking, cleaning, reading, whatever to be really boring, and living like this was making them depressed, but they really enjoyed watching TV, and playing video games.

 

Would you allow them to watch a lot more time to watch TV and play video games?

 

 

The person for whom you posted this hasn't responded, but I'll add my perspective to the topic. I am not a parent, but I have many friends who are parents and who limit their kids' television watching. If those kids found every other activity besides watching television and playing video games boring, I'm sure my friends would most likely cut television watching and video game playing to zero until their children learned to spread their activities out accordingly. If it was really severe, they'd probably take them to a psychologist.

 

Cooking and cleaning are boring to most, but necessary skills for living. I learned to cook meals and clean the house from the time I was six years old (not excessively so, just what was age-appropriate). I went to my mother's workplace as a teenager and was paid for small jobs. I'm very grateful for that because I was working and self-sufficient straight out of high school and college.

 

Few parents would limit a child's time playing with toys, because playing with dolls, trucks, blocks, crayons, balls, etc., contributes to developing life skills, creativity, knowledge, and coordination.

 

If a parent caters to a child who only likes sitting in front of a screen by allowing them to do so, they will be raising and supporting that child for life. That's true because the kid would never learn to take care of a house, socialize with others, become creative problem solvers, or take on responsibility for their own lives. It borders on child abuse.

[xxoo]

Are your kids also only allowed a really small amount of time to play with toys?

 

What if they found being outdoors, cooking, cleaning, reading, whatever to be really boring, and living like this was making them depressed, but they really enjoyed watching TV, and playing video games.

 

Would you allow them to watch a lot more time to watch TV and play video games?

 

I've never limited time playing independently with toys, unless we need to do something else. Playing imaginatively is great for their development.

 

Kids love attention and time with parents. They'll tire of being left alone with toys, or left alone outdoors, and will be bored doing "chores".....but tend to enjoy almost anything at all that involves time spent with a parent (including doing the same "chores" they didn't want to do alone).

 

When tv and video games simply aren't options (we went YEARS without owning video games), they find other things to do. Many of those things are healthier for their minds and bodies than tv and video games.

 

I simply have never heard of young kids (under 10) becoming depressed because of too little screen time, esp if they have parents who spend lots of time with them, and lots of time outdoors.

[Ross MwcFan]

I think things should be more balanced, I think they should be made/encouraged to cook, clean, etc, and you should explain to them why these things are important, so they don't think you're just making them do these things to be cruel. But they should also be allowed a fair chunk of their time to do the things they enjoy doing, like watching TV, surfing the net, playing video games, whatever.

 

I think it's too much to make them be productive for almost all of the time they're awake.

 

I think only making them do things they don't like, and hardly allowing them any time to do the things they enjoy, or to laze around, is probably going to make them feel very unhappy in life, and could make them grow up to totally resent those things that you make them do.

 

When I was a kid, I wasn't encouraged to be productive at all. And I even wanted to do things like cooking, mowing the lawn, ironing, painting, whatever, because they seemed enjoyable. But my mum never actually allowed me to do any of these things.

 

She never let me make my own mistakes.

 

Everything was always done for me.

 

And I think that has lead me to still be like a scared kid not knowing how to deal with the world or how to do things for myself, even though I'm 36.

 

But most of my time wasn't spent doing fun things either, because I hardly had any toys, and I wasn't into stuff like sports either.

 

I would play with friends, watch some TV (there was only 4 channels back then, and most of the stuff on the TV was boring anyway, not like now), and play video games. But you can only do those things for so long before you end up bored and want something else fun to do.

[Ross MwcFan]

I've never limited time playing independently with toys, unless we need to do something else. Playing imaginatively is great for their development.

 

Kids love attention and time with parents. They'll tire of being left alone with toys, or left alone outdoors, and will be bored doing "chores".....but tend to enjoy almost anything at all that involves time spent with a parent (including doing the same "chores" they didn't want to do alone).

 

When tv and video games simply aren't options (we went YEARS without owning video games), they find other things to do. Many of those things are healthier for their minds and bodies than tv and video games.

 

I simply have never heard of young kids (under 10) becoming depressed because of too little screen time, esp if they have parents who spend lots of time with them, and lots of time outdoors.

 

You're probably right, I was just imaging when I was a kid if I was made to spend most of my time doing boring chores, playing sports, playing games with the familiy, reading books, all of which I would've found really boring, and only being allowed a tiny amount of time to do stuff that I find 'fun' like watching TV, and playing video games, playing with toys, or whatever.

 

I know it would've made me feel miserable, and I was wondering, would most parents realise this and cut me some slack, or would they still continue to force me to live their idea of a 'healthy' lifestyle?

Edited June 25, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[justpassingthrough]

I know it would've made me feel miserable, and I was wondering, would most parents realise this and cut me some slack, or would they still continue to force me to live their idea of a 'healthy' lifestyle?

 

I was one of those rotten parents and forced my children into a "healthy lifestyle."

 

We always had a television, but it was for the purpose of watching whatever they were able to borrow from the library.

 

During their wretched childhood, my children read books and listened to music. They also had friends, participated in sports and clubs, worked part-time after school, and generally had lives of their own. There were never any drug/alcohol/legal problems, they enjoyed school, and - bonus! - nobody got pregnant.

 

Don't get me wrong because it wasn't without bumps, however I believe it was the best decision, as a parent, I could have made. My reasoning was that we can control what comes into our homes through the doors and windows, so we should be able to control what comes in through an electronic device.

 

And it's not that they weren't allowed to watch television. We just didn't have it (cable, satellite, etc.) in our home. They certainly did see it, at school and in their friends' homes.

 

Anyway, you know what? What I did to them was so mean and rotten, doggone it they are now both avid readers, appreciate art in all of its forms, are healthy and happy adults in stable, loving relationships, and they're both DOCTORS - probably because reading a textbook was never a chore.

 

If I had it to do all over again, I would do it the exact same way.

[fucpcg]

Your question is about as reasonable as saying "what if your child gets depressed and bored because you took away his marijuana". TV is full of junk which leads to brainwashed adults who sit and watch all day, and kids who will turn out the same. Why do you think attorneys bombard the crap a$$ daytime talk shows with ads saying "we get money for you!" to all the future frivolous lawsuit filers? I could go on for pages, but... I've said enough.

[denise_xo]

I don't have children, but in my experience with other people's children, a lot of kids enjoy doing what we think of as 'chores'. I've had kids come wanting to do the dishes with me, do yard work with me, and so on - and it was not because their parents had told them to do so. Like xxoo said, I think they just wanted to spend some quality time with adults, and doing 'adult chores' also made them feel good about themselves.

 

I don't want children, but in a hypothetical situation I would follow justpassingthrough. There is ample evidence that being physically active is good for children, that learning to read early will help you in school and later when you start work, and that too much screen time has a lot of potentially negative side effects. Based on that, I think it's pretty easy to make some basic choices about how kids should spend their time. Like xxoo said, toys and play are important parts of children's development. However, from a child's point of view, doing the dishes can be a game. I think you need to bear in mind that children experience this in a different way than an adult.

[sb129]

I'm the strict parent that prompted the thread.

 

My nearly three year old daughter gets to watch one 20 minute episode of Diego a day. The rest of the time she reads or is read to or plays with other toys like dolls, Lego, puzzles etc, or we go to the park/ beach or a friends house.

 

A child that young should be exploring and learning about the world around them instead of watching tv all day. Too much tv suppresses creativity and development, and is bad for your physical health.

 

If we let her watch more tv, her behavior gets noticeably worse.

She loves books so I don't feel like we are depriving her of anything.

[cerridwen]

I was one of those rotten parents and forced my children into a "healthy lifestyle."

 

We always had a television, but it was for the purpose of watching whatever they were able to borrow from the library.

 

During their wretched childhood, my children read books and listened to music. They also had friends, participated in sports and clubs, worked part-time after school, and generally had lives of their own. There were never any drug/alcohol/legal problems, they enjoyed school, and - bonus! - nobody got pregnant.

 

Don't get me wrong because it wasn't without bumps, however I believe it was the best decision, as a parent, I could have made. My reasoning was that we can control what comes into our homes through the doors and windows, so we should be able to control what comes in through an electronic device.

 

And it's not that they weren't allowed to watch television. We just didn't have it (cable, satellite, etc.) in our home. They certainly did see it, at school and in their friends' homes.

 

Anyway, you know what? What I did to them was so mean and rotten, doggone it they are now both avid readers, appreciate art in all of its forms, are healthy and happy adults in stable, loving relationships, and they're both DOCTORS - probably because reading a textbook was never a chore.

 

If I had it to do all over again, I would do it the exact same way.

 

Mom?

 

^^This sounds exactly like my childhood, except we didn't have television at all.

 

Instead, we read anything we could get our grubby little hands on.

As an 8 year-old, I had subscriptions to Audubon and National Geographic which easily made me the weirdest kid in the neighborhood (but also the most informed on the subject of Chinese rose beetles).

 

To answer your questions, Ross:

 

My kids won't be raised on a diet of video games and television so, no, I won't allow large amounts of time for consuming them.

There are too many other more stimulating and productive things to do in the world.

 

Exploring the outdoors, cooking, reading could make them depressed? How can that be when they'll learn to enjoy such things from an early age?

 

You're looking at it through the lens of someone who wasn't encouraged to explore nature, sports, the arts, so of course they seem boring to you.

But it's never too late to introduce things into your life.

The world expands the more one ventures forward to discover it.

Don't be surprised if you wind up enjoying some new things, then passing them on to your kids.

[Ross MwcFan]

Your question is about as reasonable as saying "what if your child gets depressed and bored because you took away his marijuana". TV is full of junk which leads to brainwashed adults who sit and watch all day, and kids who will turn out the same. Why do you think attorneys bombard the crap a$$ daytime talk shows with ads saying "we get money for you!" to all the future frivolous lawsuit filers? I could go on for pages, but... I've said enough.

 

So if I was your parent and stopped you from playing sports, going out much, and made you spend most of your time watching TV, if that made you depressed that would be okay?

 

People who have had their weed taken away would get better, someone who isn't alowed to live their life in the way they enjoy and are forced to live a life that they don't enjoy wouldn't get better.

[Ross MwcFan]

I think people have got the wrong end of the stick as far as what I'm saying is concerned.

 

For the record, I'm not saying that kids should be allowed to watch TV and play video games all day. I just think only letting them have 20 minutes to do these things is quite extreme, that's not even enough time to watch one full episode of nearly anything.

[denise_xo]

So if I was your parent and stopped you from playing sports, going out much, and made you spend most of your time watching TV, if that made you depressed that would be okay?

 

People who have had their weed taken away would get better, someone who isn't alowed to live their life in the way they enjoy and are forced to live a life that they don't enjoy wouldn't get better.

 

Kids are not adults. Most children would probably happily eat two kilos of chocolate a day if you let them make their own choices, and they would probably scream and be angry if you tried to take the chocolate away from them. That doesn't make giving them two kilos of chocolate a day the right thing to do, and it doesn't mean that they are not capable of enjoying healthier food. It also doesn't mean that the parent is forcing the child to do something they don't enjoy - it means that they are looking after their health, which is what parents should be doing.

 

I think people have got the wrong end of the stick as far as what I'm saying is concerned.

 

For the record, I'm not saying that kids should be allowed to watch TV and play video games all day. I just think only letting them have 20 minutes to do these things is quite extreme, that's not even enough time to watch one full episode of nearly anything.

 

What exactly is a three year old missing if she is watching TV for twenty minutes a day instead of an hour and a half?

[justpassingthrough]

I just think only letting them have 20 minutes to do these things is quite extreme, that's not even enough time to watch one full episode of nearly anything.

 

Any 30 minute television show includes about 10 minutes of commercials.

 

So, not only do you have 20 minutes of an electronic device telling a child how to feel, as well as developing their moral compass, you have 10 more minutes of that same electronic device telling them how mom and/or dad should spend money as well as entice them into watching even more television by way of promoting other, future, programming, and that, sir, is a 30 minute television "episode."

 

I fail to see how children have a right to that, or how parents have a duty to provide it.

[xxoo]

I think people have got the wrong end of the stick as far as what I'm saying is concerned.

 

For the record, I'm not saying that kids should be allowed to watch TV and play video games all day. I just think only letting them have 20 minutes to do these things is quite extreme, that's not even enough time to watch one full episode of nearly anything.

 

20 minutes is a full episode after you take out the commercials

 

Another thing that happens is children learn new, more effective ways to relax and unwind. Many parents find that their children do not unwind effectively watching tv, or playing video games, and instead get more hyped up and uncontrollable.

[pteromom]

 

For the record, I'm not saying that kids should be allowed to watch TV and play video games all day. I just think only letting them have 20 minutes to do these things is quite extreme, that's not even enough time to watch one full episode of nearly anything.

 

There is a difference between a THREE year old getting 20 minutes and a 12 year old getting 20 minutes.

 

I think you are right, Ross, when you said it is about balance. I know I am happiest when I have a balanced life, full of fun as well as accomplishing things, so that's why I try to provide for my child too.

 

I don't have time limits though, because I am not a person who lives by a clock. When it feels like too much video games, we go do something else. We have some days we have NO screen time, and a weekend day once in a while where we are just zombies in front of the TV all day.

[sb129]

20 minutes is a full episode after you take out the commercials

 

Another thing that happens is children learn new, more effective ways to relax and unwind. Many parents find that their children do not unwind effectively watching tv, or playing video games, and instead get more hyped up and uncontrollable.

 

 

Exactly.

 

We pre-record Diego so our daughter doesn't watch commercials. One episode is enough for her age.

 

The 20mins is before dinner, and it gives me extra time to get dinner on the table.

 

There was a study done in the uk a few years ago where for one week 8 year old kids had to given up all screens (tv, computer, video games) and go to bed at the same time of 8pm every day. Their performance at school was measured and they did really well and were generally well behaved.

The following week they were allowed free rein to watch tv etc whenever they wanted and to go to bed whenever they wanted.

The school performance was severely affected and so was their behavior.

[sb129]

We also have an iPad and she is allowed to play with that sometimes.

 

balance is the key word here.

I figure that she's going to be spending a huge part of her life in front of a screen anyway, we may as well limit it while we can, and show her there is more to life than TV and computers.

 

There have been some benefits though. Diego is very educational- she is alwaysa spouting off animal facts that came in useful when we went on holiday recently...

[Ross MwcFan]

Kids are not adults. Most children would probably happily eat two kilos of chocolate a day if you let them make their own choices, and they would probably scream and be angry if you tried to take the chocolate away from them. That doesn't make giving them two kilos of chocolate a day the right thing to do, and it doesn't mean that they are not capable of enjoying healthier food. It also doesn't mean that the parent is forcing the child to do something they don't enjoy - it means that they are looking after their health, which is what parents should be doing.

 

 

 

What exactly is a three year old missing if she is watching TV for twenty minutes a day instead of an hour and a half?

 

I didn't realise she was 3. But cartoons and kids stuff.

[Ross MwcFan]

There is a difference between a THREE year old getting 20 minutes and a 12 year old getting 20 minutes.

 

I think you are right, Ross, when you said it is about balance. I know I am happiest when I have a balanced life, full of fun as well as accomplishing things, so that's why I try to provide for my child too.

 

I don't have time limits though, because I am not a person who lives by a clock. When it feels like too much video games, we go do something else. We have some days we have NO screen time, and a weekend day once in a while where we are just zombies in front of the TV all day.

 

I think you've got exactly the right attitude.

[Ross MwcFan]

fucpcg, if I was your parent I wouldn't allow you to ever lift any weights again, I would make you give up bodybuilding, because of the risk of injury that's involved. You can get perfectly fit by repeatedly doing star jumps. And if you felt really depressed about it, then that wouldn't be any different from a weed smoker feeling depressed because he's had his weed taken away. It would basically be you with the problem.

 

And btw, TV shows are only junk in your opinion.

Edited June 25, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[josie54]

I guess then if fucpcg had his bodybuilding taken away from him and he was made to do something else that he found boring like for example, running on a treadmill for the rest of his life, and he felt really depressed about it, then that wouldn't be any different from a weed smoker feeling depressed because he's had his weed taken away. It would basically be fucpcg with the problem.

 

And btw, TV shows are only junk in your opinion.

 

Your comparison doesn't work because neither bodybuilding or running on a treadmill is bad for fucpcg's development. However, if he were a smoker and had his smoking taken away from him, then yes, he might be depressed, but he would be better off in the long run. So if you replace "bodybuilding" with "smoking" or "overeating" or "driving recklessly," and "running on a treadmill" with "not doing those harmful things", then the comparison is spot on. Not to mention that FucPcg is an adult, I assume. We're talking about children here, who are still developing and learning. Their health, happiness, and productivity as adults will depend on what they spend most of their time doing in childhood.

 

Screen time is passive, at a time of development when child's mind needs to be ACTIVE. I'm an adult, and when I watch too much television I gain weight and lose motivation to do other more productive things. When a child watches too much television, he/she fails to develop brain cells--that's a HUGE negative, and one that any parent would do well to avoid. The child will have a lifetime to watch television--but hopefully, if the parent does the job right, he or she will much prefer to read, dance, create, learn, travel, or volunteer to sitting and staring at a screen for hours on end.

 

And as for what a child finds "boring".....If a child doesn't like to play the piano--if she finds it boring--then, after a trial period to make sure the child doesn't like it, then yes, making that child play the piano for years on end would be bad. That's not what anyone is saying. But television IS bad for children--sure, a little isn't going to do much harm. But it's also not going to do them much good.

 

So there's no harm in limiting or not allowing television in the home. There are many, many other things they can do for entertainment that they won't find "boring" and many more active ways to learn about the world that doesn't involve staring into a screen. It's up to the parent to decide.

[fortyninethousand322]

Kids should probably be encouraged to spend time outside and doing active things when younger (maybe up to age 7 or 8 or so, maybe older I guess) just so they can get introduced to new experiences and new things. But at some point they should be given autonomy over their free time. After chores and homework is done they should be able to do what they want (within reason) whether that's TV/video games or shooting hoops or going for a run whatever.

[fucpcg]

So if I was your parent and stopped you from playing sports, going out much, and made you spend most of your time watching TV, if that made you depressed that would be okay?

 

People who have had their weed taken away would get better, someone who isn't alowed to live their life in the way they enjoy and are forced to live a life that they don't enjoy wouldn't get better.

 

Dude you don't get it, and I'm not going to explain it to you.

[xxoo]

Kids should probably be encouraged to spend time outside and doing active things when younger (maybe up to age 7 or 8 or so, maybe older I guess) just so they can get introduced to new experiences and new things. But at some point they should be given autonomy over their free time. After chores and homework is done they should be able to do what they want (within reason) whether that's TV/video games or shooting hoops or going for a run whatever.

 

I agree. The goal is to raise independent people, capable of managing their own time and activities, and they absolutely need progressively more freedom to learn that.

 

But in the younger years, when we have the most control and they need more guidance, that is our opportunity to teach and model the healthiest habits that we can.

 

I'd still step in at age 8 if my child was choosing hours of screen time a day. Stepping in is as easy (and as difficult) as putting aside my own work and hobbies, and saying "Want to play cards with me?" The answer is always "YES!"