A Q for strict parents who only allow their kids a tiny amount of time to watch TV

[xxoo]

There was a time when I didn't have a computer, and the TV only had 4 channels and 99% of the time the TV shows were crap.

 

I just sat there completely bored all the time.

 

Did you have friends? When I was a child, I spent most of my free time outdoors, roaming the neighborhood with friends. We were bored sometimes, but boredom is motivation to problem solve--get creative, find something to do.

[Ross MwcFan]

Then I would consider that a tragedy, that you wouldn't or couldn't take advantage of being in one of the most wonderful countries in the world and having access to everything it has to offer - and ignoring it all. That's a personal issue.

 

What are you gonna say on your deathbed? I wish I could have seen a few more tv shows? I wish I could have gotten to that next level on the game? That's sad.

 

In your opinion it's sad.

 

I'm not really sure what I'll think when I'm on my deathbed. I'd probably think that I wish I could've experienced being with a girl.

[denise_xo]

There wasn't anything else to do.

 

So you couldn't read a book? Go for a walk? Listen to music or radio? Draw? Paint? Play in the forest or in a near by park (if you were a child)? Play a game of cards? Go for a run? Play football? Join a sports club? Get a job (if you were over 14)? Go hiking? Go for a walk by the river or in the forest? Go swimming in the summer? Join a local youth club? Do some voluntary work? Help an old woman in your neighborhood?

 

Are you literally suggesting that there was NOTHING else you could possibly do???? Sorry, I don't buy that at all. Perhaps you couldn't think of anything else to do. But there wasn't anything else to do? Unless you were sitting on Mars, that's simply not true.

[Ross MwcFan]

I think this also goes against your entire argument. If my child felt the way that you did, it would be exactly because I had allowed that child to become too dependent on TV or a computer, and not involved him or her enough in alternative activities. So you have presented a pretty good case for restricting TV time with that post.

 

I don't think it was anything to do with me becoming too dependent on TV or a computer. Like I said, this was when there was hardly ever anything to watch on the TV and I didn't have a computer, so how could I have been dependant on them? It would've been other issues which stopped me from being able to find fun things to do.

[denise_xo]

I don't think it was anything to do with me becoming too dependent on TV or a computer. Like I said, this was when there was hardly ever anything to watch on the TV and I didn't have a computer, so how could I have been dependant on them? It would've been other issues which stopped me from being able to find fun things to do.

 

Right. And those issues wouldn't have been solved by providing more TV or computer time. The problem here is not that the TV or a computer aren't available. The problem is that there is nothing except a TV or a computer that is seen to provide enjoyment.

[Ross MwcFan]

Did you have friends? When I was a child, I spent most of my free time outdoors, roaming the neighborhood with friends. We were bored sometimes, but boredom is motivation to problem solve--get creative, find something to do.

 

There have been different times in my life.

 

There were times where I had friends and I enjoyed hanging out with them, but I can only do that for so long, I couldn't enjoy spending all of my free time hanging out with friends, I'd eventually get really bored, need to spend time on my own, and need to do something else.

 

So when I wasn't hanging out with friends, there wasn't really anything for me to do.

 

Then there was a time when the friends that I had weren't nice people at all, I didn't even enjoy hanging out with them that much at all, I always felt quite bored when I was with them. I just hung out with them because there was nothing else to do. So I'd just drink and take drugs a lot of the time.

 

And then I ended up moving to a new area where I didn't know anyone, and therefore didn't have any friends.

 

Now, even though it would be nice to have some genuine friends who are nice people, I'm never bored because I have the Internet, plenty of channels on the TV to choose from, plenty of video games to play, books and magazines to read, puzzles to mess around with and solve, I can weight lift, and I have a car (I enjoy driving and it helps me get out of the house more).

[Ross MwcFan]

Right. And those issues wouldn't have been solved by providing more TV or computer time. The problem here is not that the TV or a computer aren't available. The problem is that there is nothing except a TV or a computer that is seen to provide enjoyment.

 

Exactly, but taking away the things that give me enjoyment wouldn't solve anything, and it just make me feel less happy in life, I'd just be 'existing' instead of enjoying myself.

[denise_xo]

Exactly, but taking away the things that give me enjoyment wouldn't solve anything, and it just make me feel less happy in life, I'd just be 'existing' instead of enjoying myself.

 

I disagree. As a parent, it is my responsibility to foster the ability of my child to engage in a range of activities. If my child grew up to not enjoy anything else but watching TV and playing video games, that would be a pretty huge failure of parenting, in my opinion. That's not to say I think they should never watch TV or watch video games. But you yourself advocated balance in a previous post. A child who is not capable of enjoying anything else except watching TV and playing video games, is NOT balanced, nor is s/he healthy. If my child portrayed those qualities, I would most certainly restrict TV to a minimum, and focus substantial amounts of time on doing other activities with the child.

[Ross MwcFan]

So you couldn't read a book? Go for a walk? Listen to music or radio? Draw? Paint? Play in the forest or in a near by park (if you were a child)? Play a game of cards? Go for a run? Play football? Join a sports club? Get a job (if you were over 14)? Go hiking? Go for a walk by the river or in the forest? Go swimming in the summer? Join a local youth club? Do some voluntary work? Help an old woman in your neighborhood?

 

Are you literally suggesting that there was NOTHING else you could possibly do???? Sorry, I don't buy that at all. Perhaps you couldn't think of anything else to do. But there wasn't anything else to do? Unless you were sitting on Mars, that's simply not true.

 

I thought books were boring, I wasn't interested in going for walks on my own, I didn't like any of the music on the radio, i wasn't interested in painting, I was only into drawing when I was a kid, the forests were really far away, but on the rare occasion that I went to forests and stuff I did enjoy them, cards was okay, I wasn't interested in running, I didn't really like any sports except for golf, but I wouldn't have been able to have afforded to play golf, and I wouldn't have had enough confidence to go play it on my own, I wasn't interested in having a job because I found work really boring, in fact more boring than just sitting at home with nothing to do, I wasn't interested in swimming, there wasn't anyone for me to go hikig with (my friends weren't into that kind of thing, and I knew nothing about meet up groups, and I wouldn't have had the confidence to join a meet up group anyway), I wasn't into youth clubs, I certainly wasn't interested in working and not getting paid for it (voluntary work) and I would've just thought that would be really lame, I don't know what you mean by helping an old woman in my neighbourhood (just knocking on a random old persons door and asking if they need help?).

[denise_xo]

I thought books were boring, I wasn't interested in going for walks on my own, I didn't like any of the music on the radio, i wasn't interested in painting, I was only into drawing when I was a kid, the forests were really far away, but on the rare occasion that I went to forests and stuff I did enjoy them, cards was okay, I wasn't interested in running, I didn't really like any sports except for golf, but I wouldn't have been able to have afforded to play golf, and I wouldn't have had enough confidence to go play it on my own, I wasn't interested in having a job because I found work really boring, in fact more boring than just sitting at home with nothing to do, I wasn't interested in swimming, there wasn't anyone for me to go hikig with (my friends weren't into that kind of thing, and I knew nothing about meet up groups, and I wouldn't have had the confidence to joing a meet up group anyway), I wasn't into youth clubs, I certainly wasn't interested in working and not getting paid for it (voluntary work) and I would've just thought that would be really lame, I don't know what you mean by helping an old woman in my neighbourhood (just knocking on a random old persons door and asking if they need help?).

 

Then the problem isn't lack of TV.

[Ross MwcFan]

Then the problem isn't lack of TV.

 

Do you know what the problem is? (More specific than the problem just being me).

[denise_xo]

Do you know what the problem is? (More specific than the problem just being me).

 

No, I don't know. But what I primarily read out of that last post you wrote are

 

i) complete lack of motivation.

ii) depression.

 

We all have interests and preferences, as well as things we don't like to do. But most people have a selection of interests that keep you going and motivates you to get out of bed some days, if not every day. And if you're not very interest in exactly what you're doing, you're doing it because of an interest of where it's going to get you (e.g. a future job in the case of education, or getting a pay check you want to use for something you want as an incentive to go to a job you find boring).

 

I don't think I have a more helpful answer than that (sorry, not very helpful, I know).

[Ross MwcFan]

No, I don't know. But what I primarily read out of that last post you wrote are

 

i) complete lack of motivation.

ii) depression.

 

We all have interests and preferences, as well as things we don't like to do. But most people have a selection of interests that keep you going and motivates you to get out of bed some days, if not every day. And if you're not very interest in exactly what you're doing, you're doing it because of an interest of where it's going to get you (e.g. a future job in the case of education, or getting a pay check you want to use for something you want as an incentive to go to a job you find boring).

 

I don't think I have a more helpful answer than that (sorry, not very helpful, I know).

 

That's okay.

 

Yeah I've never had much motivation and I've always suffered from depression I think, I think in fact before I had the things that I enjoy doing now, before I had a computer, before I had the material things that I enjoy now, and when there was hardly anything to watch on the TV, because of feeling very bored in life which caused me to feel more depressed, I think this actually caused me to feel even less motivated, my morale was a lot lower.

 

These days, I think because I feel better in myself, because where I'm living people seem to be a lot nicer and friendlier (most where I used to live weren't that nice, in fact there a lot of people had an attitude and were quite rude), because people on here, and my therapist have actually made me think about getting out there more, because I'm more likely to find an interest which involves getting out there and/or being around other people, and I think because I'm older now and maybe my tastes have changed, I do actually want to get out there more, go for a walk in the park on a sunny day, socialise with nice people, have a job that I enjoy, get my own place, maybe a relationship, etc. But obviously even if I do achieve these things, I'll still want to spend some of my time doing the things I enjoy doing now, like playing video games or whatever, I'm not going to want to limit myself to just 30 mins a day of doing these things. Like myself and Elswyth have said, the key here is balance.

[Els]

I don't really think you can assume that all parents who don't allow a lot of TV watching are generally strict in all other areas of life. The OP was specifically about TV viewing and video games, and the assertion was put forward that denying your child "a lot more time" for TV and video could potentially cause depression in children. I think it is this assertion in particular that a lot of posters reacted against, and I find that to be a very different topic from 30 year olds having a curfew at midnight or putting a ten year old to bed at 7.

 

I agree with this, again. I was reacting to the assertion that TV and computers in themselves are horrible things (akin to marijuana, according to a certain poster ), and inferior hobbies compared to jigsaw puzzles, etc. It is unnecessary and outdated vilifying of a medium of entertainment. It should be restricted for young children and balanced by all, like any other mediums of entertainment, but the arguments some posters make are generally about how TV is 'evil and inferior to any other hobbies that a child might have'. I personally believe that any hobby is harmful to a child in extremes, be it playing football, watching TV, using the computer, or playing with friends. That is why it annoys me when people perpetually use extremes as an example of why 'TV is bad fullstop'. ANYthing is bad in extremes, even water.

[turnera]

Yeah. The problem is an internal attitude that you probably got from your parents. You see the world as something that should serve YOU, not the other way around. It's when you stop being all about what makes YOU happy and start looking at the world with fresh eyes that you can start finding joy in things.

 

When I take DD21 somewhere to run an errand or something, I enjoy driving someplace I've never been, and running the risk of getting lost. Excitement! When she was younger and I'd take her on walks, I'd make sure to stop at a knot hole in a tree to look for treasures, or watch some baby ducks try to cross the road, or sit and watch a squirrel bury its nuts. I taught her to find JOY in life. Operative word: FIND.

 

Lots of ways to do that, like taking a day trip to a town you've never been to before. Or trying a new restaurant. Or taking a risk and striking up a conversation with a stranger. Or joining a club to meet new people who share the same interests. Or starting on a weight loss program to give myself a goal. Or going to the nearby dock to just sit and watch a sunset.

 

There are a few million things on this earth that you could be trying out and finding joy from, if you can just shed the 'nothing makes me happy' yoke you have.

[denise_xo]

That's okay.

 

Yeah I've never had much motivation and I've always suffered from depression I think, I think in fact before I had the things that I enjoy doing now, before I had a computer, before I had the material things that I enjoy now, and when there was hardly anything to watch on the TV, because of feeling very bored in life which caused me to feel more depressed, I think this actually caused me to feel even less motivated, my morale was a lot lower.

 

These days, I think because I feel better in myself, because where I'm living people seem to be a lot nicer and friendlier (most where I used to live weren't that nice, in fact there a lot of people had an attitude and were quite rude), because people on here, and my therapist have actually made me think about getting out there more, because I'm more likely to find an interest which involves getting out there and/or being around other people, and I think because I'm older now and maybe my tastes have changed, I do actually want to get out there more, go for a walk in the park on a sunny day, socialise with nice people, have a job that I enjoy, get my own place, maybe a relationship, etc. But obviously even if I do achieve these things, I'll still want to spend some of my time doing the things I enjoy doing now, like playing video games or whatever, I'm not going to want to limit myself to just 30 mins a day of doing these things. Like myself and Elswyth have said, the key here is balance.

 

That sounds very good, Ross, I'm glad you're making progress.

 

About the bold, I don't think anyone here suggested that an adult should only watch TV for 30 minutes. I understood your OP as addressing the question of children. And you're above thirty, I think I enjoy certain TV programmes, as well as the internet (not into video games, though). But as adults we have a different way of processing those kind of influences than children do.

[turnera]

And volunteering. Have you tried that yet, Ross? IMO, there's NOTHING better to bring you out of unhappiness, than to help someone/thing/place that needs help more than you do. Plus you meet some great people that way.

[Els]

Thank you. Mine is a senior at university and will be taking a year next summer to do internships and then returning to get her PhD in bioneurological research. Right now she's taking 3 summer courses. All her choices.

 

And I'm a grad student who did actually, horror of horrors, use the computer as a kid, which led to me discovering the love of my life, which is the career I'm pursuing now. Your point is?

 

Elswyth, one of the other posters was trying to say that restricting tv is bad because, well, look at all the programmers and game developers who are going to come out of getting to watch as much tv as they want.

 

No, your comprehension is problematic. Let me show you the conversation again.

 

I think you're probably right where balance is concerned. I personally never understood the 'TV is the root of all evil' mindset . The best odds are probably achieved via moderation and tailoring the approach to the child.

 

Tell that to the 33% of all kids who are now obese who spend 10 hours in front of a tv or screen to every hour on their feet.

 

Is this called balance to you? Seriously, have some logic in your arguments, or at least read the posts you quote and tell me where I advocated letting children watch TV as much as they like, much less 10 hours a day.

 

Exactly. There are lots of benefits of showing your kids how to fish, of going biking with them, of having them help you strip your car, of reading a book together, working on a jigsaw puzzle together, of going camping...of basically creating a life for your kids where they know that they are your priority and they are loved and wanted. As well as sending them outside every day and saying 'go have fun' and letting them figure out HOW to have fun on their own, using their own minds. Rather than letting a tv or computer screen do that FOR them.

 

Actually, many programmers, web designers, game masters, etc quote their love of computers and everything related as starting from childhood experiences. Far too narrow-minded to say that a jigsaw puzzle necessarily helps a child more than a computer. If your child hits 18 without knowing how to use a computer or the internet because of YOUR doing, I can guarantee you that he/she will resent you for that far more than if he/she is not good with jigsaws. Computer knowledge is vital in the majority of careers today, and even to get through college usually.

 

right. And all those thousands of hours playing video games is what's gonna get you ahead in life. Reminds me of a comic strip where the parents are watching their kid (who they're afraid of telling he can't stay in front of the computer screen all day) and hoping he'll be able to earn a living some day testing video games.

 

If you can't see anything logically wrong with that exchange, you might want to ask your daughter to tutor you a little.

[zengirl]

I don't think it's appropriate for kids to be 'raised' by TV, and a lot of it depends on the age range you're talking.

 

My TV time as a kid was never limited, nor was my video game time, except when I was very little limited by the fact that the Nintendo was in the main TV room and I was a 2nd class citizen who only got that TV when no one else wanted it! I got up super early weekend mornings to play because that was the only time I could get a few good hours in. But I also played outside a TON when I was very little (when we moved houses, that changed, but we had a really imaginative looking garden and lots of fort space in my first yard -- it was also almost an acre big), played with toys, wrote stories in notebooks, and was very imaginative. My mother watched many programs WITH me, including educational programs (but also just fun stuff she liked - some of it possibly not age appropriate for a 5 year old, but none of it nasty or anything; just could've easily bored a 5 year old or gone above her head, I guess) and interacted with me while watching TV. She also read to me a lot as a kid, and I loved books! When grounding me, my Mom found taking away TV ineffectual and always struggled with whether or not she should threaten to take away books instead as a motivation!

 

I had friends, of course, and from the age of about 9 on -- once we had a computer and AOL -- spent a fair amount of time on the computer or internet. In middle school and HS, a lot of that time was spent writing stories, including TV fanfiction, and posting them online, which is how I know how to program a little, create a webpage, and where I developed a lot of my writing skills, particularly writing to an audience. I have actually been paid for my writing as an adult, so I feel like some of that paid off.

 

I don't think "limiting TV" in a per minutes way (unless you're dealing with an ASD kid or someone who needs such concrete limits) often has the desired impact of encouraging kids to build other interests. If we're talking about a very young child (under 5), you are likely in control of almost everything they do, and should guide them towards activities with interaction and learning potential. Good, educational TV shows can be useful too, as can appropriate websites, with supervision. There is LOADS of educational content framed as 'games' that really does educate children as well as any book --- better, really. You just have to know what it is, where it is, and how to use it.

 

At any rate, as a kid and even as an adult, I was always more of an indoor cat. I had loads of hobbies besides TV and computer --- one all-consuming one for a lot of my adolescence in the form of ballet (and related theatre and modeling) that took up hours of my time most days. That was probably the only unhealthy hobby I had, but no one worries if their kid is practicing ballet 4 hours a day! I didn't have a lot of outdoor hobbies or a desire to go out and play. I played with friends, sure, but we did crafts or watched movies or played board games or something. Every once and awhile, I'd go out and play Manhunt or something with neighborhood kids, but I mostly preferred to be inside. I think parents who try to force their kids into activities they clearly aren't suited towards, like trying to make an 'indoor kid' into an 'outdoor kid' or vice versa, really wind up missing opportunities to help mold the kid as they are. For me, it was stories -- but stories weren't just on TV or in games, they were everywhere. So, my mother made sure to encourage me to find things to do that were skill-building, rather than just taking away something I liked. That was only ever done as a punitive measure.

 

And, as xxoo says, until we're talking teenage years, the easiest way to get a kid away from the TV or computer is simply to invite them to do something with you. Little little kids, it can be anything. Elementary kids, any of the many things that might suit their individual interests. When you're getting to teenagers, it's a bit silly to be restricting TV time, I'd say. What they watch? Sure. But I can't imagine if my Mom had put a clock-time on how much I could watch or play. My life would've been far less rich, I'd say.

 

I also always had the TV on when studying, unless writing a paper. When I was grounded and couldn't, I literally did homework slower and worse. Not out of spite, but because I was a bit ADD. The TV helped me. I find it hard to focus on just studying, even now, without the TV on, unless the material is particularly compelling.

 

There are now carefully produced cartoons for children that teach language, social skills, math, reading. Many of these are on PBS. If you are interested, look up Martha Speaks, Word Girl, Arthur, Cyber Chase, Word World, etc on pbskids.org. All of these shows also have computer games for children to play online, as an alternative to video games.

 

They're coming out with more educational video games these days too and I expect we'll see a bigger push. Hubby works in Simulations, but he has a lot of friends in the video game market, and truly educational games (I could get a job with some of the companies in design, because they want actual Ed professionals to consult) are the newest fad. A lot are still in design, though. We'll get there.

Edited June 27, 2012 by zengirl

[turnera]

And I'm a grad student who did actually, horror of horrors, use the computer as a kid, which led to me discovering the love of my life, which is the career I'm pursuing now. Your point is?

No point. A reply to your comment that mine turned out just fine, since you seemed to be assuming she wouldn't:

Good luck with your kids, hope they turn out well in spite of everything.

[Els]

No point. A reply to your comment that mine turned out just fine, since you seemed to be assuming she wouldn't:

Good luck with your kids, hope they turn out well in spite of everything.

 

Do you usually make a habit of reading only one-tenth of someone else's writing before replying to it? So much for being encouraged to read while young, huh.

[turnera]

fwiw, Elswyth, you are NOT the only person posting on this thread, so many people are commenting to many people. Your logic was faulty.

[turnera]

Do you usually make a habit of reading only one-tenth of someone else's writing before replying to it? So much for being encouraged to read while young, huh.

Oh, my, aren't YOU the quick-witted one! SO impressed! lol

 

You commented, I replied to that comment. Sometimes what someone writes isn't worth replying to. Try it some time.

[Els]

Every single one of your posts that I listed there quoted mine. If you're commenting to someone else, don't quote mine. If you quote mine, I'll assume that you're responding to MY post. Go ahead and point out how my 'logic was faulty'.

[turnera]

And, as xxoo says, until we're talking teenage years, the easiest way to get a kid away from the TV or computer is simply to invite them to do something with you.

Yes, so true!