commitment issues

[doug]

hi!

 

i have a problem that i wanted to share with people here as there is a lot of good advice floating around. i have been in several relatonships over the past few years and have been in love too. the problem that i usually face is that whenever i am involved with a woman there always has be another one which i like just as much if not more than the one i'm with at a particular time.

 

this 'pattern' that i seem to have developed has now occured to me thrice. people tell me its because i have severe commitment issues and even if i am willing to commit to a person, suconsiously my mind seems to be working against my concious decision and therefore i develop another relationship to avoid getting into any commitment.

 

i also seem to be more sensitive to hurt than the average person and little things manage to irritate and hurt me which i tend to remember and hold against a person.

 

according to me, i have had a very normal childhood with older aswell as younger loving siblings and loving parents. where do these issues arrive from?? maybe they are unrelated and i am just being paranoid about a mere coincidence. being touchy is not such a huge problem in any case. comments from people would be quite welcome.

 

cheers

 

douglas

[Tony T]

You are a victim of the Better Deal Syndrome. In the 1976 book by Robert Ringer, "Looking Out For Number One," Ringer coined the theory to describe guys just like you.

 

Basically, the Better Deal Syndrome provides that no matter who you are with...no matter how beautiful, nice, handsome, rich, etc.,...there is ALWAYS someone out there who is more beautiful, nicer, more handsome, richer, etc. That's just the way it is.

 

The problem with keeping your search going is that it never ends and you miss out on incredible happiness. The search is not nearly as fulfilling or enriching as a genuine relationship with one person. Being in a committed relationship give you the love, security, stability, etc. that most people long for.

 

You can continue your chase forever and you will always find someone new to be interested in. But you will never have fully lived and enjoyed the satisfaction of truly being loved by someone who is special.

 

And when you get a certain age, these ladies you chase won't give you the time of day anymore and your days will be numbered. That is when you will really be depressed that you didn't get to know one really well, dedicate yourself to her, share your life with her, and enjoy the special feelings that come with a relationship like that.

 

So, maybe you can continue your chasing and sightseeing. But give yourself a time limit. When you hit a certain age, then if you aren't addicted to your current lifestyle, change your ways and find out what life and love is really all about.