She "Really" likes me but doesn't want a relationship

[Introubledwaters]

Ok guys, I made an account for this so here's the (rather long) deal: Im 17, shes around 17. Liked this girl a year ago, a LOT. Asked her out (after texting her for 2 weeks ), she kinda made me wait for another 2 weeks before telling me the equivalent of : Friendzone now, potentially in the future (ouch). And then went on to date some douche. It took me a long time to get over her, and I never quite did. Her parents are strict , so when they found out, she got shut down, major trauma and all. I shifted schools during all this and we live about 2 hours apart.

 

I randomly started texting her about a month ago, and we continued our friendship. Every week shed start talking about her previous relationship, but when I asked her about it shed say she wouldn't talk about it. So I stopped. She then proceeded to bring it up about 4 times, and same thing every time. I presumed she wanted me to beg her about, but I acted like a douche and teased her about it. She got pissed, I got pissed. Stopped talking for a bit. A few days later, she apologized and so did I. Resume friendship. Then it gets kinda fuzzy from there.

 

Then the day before yesterday, we somehow ended up talking about relationships and we got to the point where she admitted her low self-confidence and insecurity to me. I then decided that she needed to know, and proceeded to give a rant that would have given me a free pass to the "forever Friendzone", she then told me how much she appreciated it and how much she was about to cry. She told me that no matter what we should be friends. I thought that was that and gave up. Said goodnight and thought " what a pity..."

 

Next day, I get a call from her friend (in my old school), telling me that in lunch, that she had confided that she had "feelings" for me, and they "hurt" a lot and that I should know. So i texted her, and she too told me the same thing, but she didn't want a relationship cus of her parents. I was a bit sceptic but she assured me that she really did like me. She then tells me cus shes in a pretty study focused school (no time) and that I'm going abroad for college next year, I shouldn't waste time with her.she just wants me to be in her life? That she wasnt who she was before, and she wouldnt hurt me.The kicker is I'm pretty much over her, but I don't want a "what-if" situation, and she's a great person too, and I know I can like her again, if it gets serious. So I told her we had a year to introspect over it.

 

Fast forward to today. She texts me and we start a convo. She then tells me she Couldn't focus on anything yesterday, and that's absolutely abnormal, she has never felt anything like this before. She said its all wrong, that she'd never be ready, and she doesn't want to me to wait. I told her straight : that she was probably feeling inadequacy, insecurity, fear that I blame her for the pain I felt for those 2 weeks, and the fear that I wouldn't like her as much as She liked me now and told her not to worry (I meant it) she told me that's what was on her mind. She then repeated that she really liked me but because of he last failure of a relationship (not just cus of her parents, remember he was a dumbass douche), she can't afford to go through that again. I told her that if she was that apprehensive, I'd talk to them myself. But she didn't reply to this specifically. Then she said she wanted to focus on her studies, and I asked her how this would be affected by a relationship? No answer.

 

I was debating on telling her the next time she brings it up that now or never. Im moving out next year and I need to be sure shes the one before I leave. Otherwise, it's no point right? All In or nothing I say. How can I wait, if I don't know what for?

 

Advice from you lovely females and studs please?

Forgive the typos, apple isn't exactly my best friend :/