ShelBot Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Ok... So.... here goes. Mind you... I'm not perfect. I get naggy, bitchy, "crazy" at times, but they are usually reactions. And I'm working on how I react to others. I am in this relationship that's been on-again-off-again for about 10 1/2 years. The last break up lasted a year and a half. Before that the longest was 3 months. and other break up consisted of various days and weeks. He is 13 years older than me. We have 2 children together. We've never been married, but engaged once. I love him. It's hard not to, but I also dislike him, which is also hard not to. I did catch him cheating. I know the saying... once a cheater... always a cheater. He ate a cat food sandwich for that... so I think we are even. He is the bread winner (government position). I work part time from home. Recently (last month), we tried to live together again (after being separated for over a year) to help each other and our kids. It was nice for about 3 days and then I just wanted to eat a bullet. Remembering all the issues that we had before we'd separated. Yesterday, we discussed us living together again. Am I an idiot? Do I not like happiness? Why do I feel like I need to work things out with this man? We have lots of issues. Sex is not one of them. We both agree that our sex together is great. And we often wonder if it's the only thing we have in common. When we have cash, we don't fight as much either. Household chores tended to.... even less fighting. However, there's always something... ex. the car breaks down... we fight about money and break up. Or the trust issue... texting other women was a problem I'd had with him in the past. Now every time he picks up his cell phone I just want to chuck it across my living room. His phone is glued to his hands. I find that unattractive, even if it's not texting other women and he is just reading the news. I guess what I am trying to ask is... Am I wasting my time? Should I just give up? Or keep up faith that we will eventually find our groove and things will work out? Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 The biggest thing that sticks out here is the texting of other women... and that's a big red flag. Of course you're going to have issues when he picks up the phone. How was this issue resolved? There is an obvious lingering trust issue that needs to be fixed before this can get better. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 This is where the term "love just isn't enough" comes into play. If you both haven't gotten it together in 10.5 YEARS; you really never will. Some people aren't meant to be together despite loving them. I'd say the on/off aspect is your biggest red flag. It shows a lack of communication and lack of effective problem solving. I feel like you guys are just like oil and water. You just don't mix for a romantic relationship. Even after separating for a year and a half-- the issues are STILL there and a mere 3 days into living together again and you wanted to "eat a bullet." I'd say it's about time to make the split permanent. I don't see this ever becoming functional. Link to post Share on other sites
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