jmjacobs31 Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 I just got out of a relationship with what I think is a high functioning alcoholic. He is very good at his job. He would never go to work drunk, or jeopardize his job due to his drinking. He has called in sick before to drink, 4 times that I know of in the past 2 months since our break up. When hes not working he is usually drinking. He will start drinking alone on his days off in the am and then drink till he passes out. He will then wake up a couple hours later and then start drinking again. He will drink a bottle of wine in a giant glass. When he goes out to the bar he drinks at least twice the amount that everyone else drinks. When he goes out he will stay out all night drinking, sometimes not coming back until the next morning. Hes driven drunk before, but not often. Hes not comfortable in social situations unless hes drinking. He would always put drinking before me. Here's the thing though. He could go days with out a drink but once he starts he cant stop and rarely would he have a day off and not drink. When he drinks he also gambles. A LOT. its scary. I hated coming home form work at 6pm to him being drunk. it sucked. I also think he has depression and I am worried about him. He left me and i still care. Why must I care? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jmjacobs31 Posted June 26, 2012 Author Share Posted June 26, 2012 Thanks for your input. I actually hope he hits rock bottom and the only way that will happen is if I am gone and his drinking effects his job, which I am sure it will eventually. Its sad to know he needs help but wont get it but I know that I can do nothing about it. He needs to see that he has a problem and go get help. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
GLDheart Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 I just got out of a relationship with what I think is a high functioning alcoholic... ...He will start drinking alone on his days off in the am and then drink till he passes out... He will then wake up a couple hours later and then start drinking again... ...I also think he has depression and I am worried about him... ...He left me and i still care. Why must I care? Substitute in a [sHE] everywhere you wrote [HE] and you just described my story. Sadly my EX's vices also involved an affair. This led to an awful "surprise" breakup, and her taking off mith my 3 year old daughter that I am now in the midst of fighting through the courts to get her back into my life. I'm with you and I feel your pain. I walk around all day with a broken heart. I miss my family, I miss my old friend (we had a ten year relationship), and I miss my daughter. She would drink almost a twelve pack of beer every single day. She would drink alone. She would drink while watching the baby. I would always come home from a long day of work to her being completely drunk. On the worst days, she'd pass out shortly after I arrived. We no longer live together. I find myself struggling with hoping she hits rock bottom. In some ways I hope it happens so that she can turn her life around and become healthy. Either way, she has done an unbelievable amount of harm to me in her selfishness. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jmjacobs31 Posted June 27, 2012 Author Share Posted June 27, 2012 Substitute in a [sHE] everywhere you wrote [HE] and you just described my story. Sadly my EX's vices also involved an affair. This led to an awful "surprise" breakup, and her taking off mith my 3 year old daughter that I am now in the midst of fighting through the courts to get her back into my life. I'm with you and I feel your pain. I walk around all day with a broken heart. I miss my family, I miss my old friend (we had a ten year relationship), and I miss my daughter. She would drink almost a twelve pack of beer every single day. She would drink alone. She would drink while watching the baby. I would always come home from a long day of work to her being completely drunk. On the worst days, she'd pass out shortly after I arrived. We no longer live together. I find myself struggling with hoping she hits rock bottom. In some ways I hope it happens so that she can turn her life around and become healthy. Either way, she has done an unbelievable amount of harm to me in her selfishness.[/quote I am not sure if my EX cheated or not. I don't think he did, but I do believe he broke up with me so he would not cheat on me. I do know he started to hit on a girl he works with starting the day we broke up and has been out with 3 different girls in the less then three months we have been apart. I can relate at least 80% of our problems to his drinking. He will say hes an alcoholic but I don't know if he knows how serious his problem is. Hes crushed me and hasn't even looked back. Its scary to just let go because I am worried about him now that I am not there to "monitor" his behavior. His father committed suicide and he has a history of depression/alcoholism in his family. I really hope he continues down this path of self destruction so he can hit rock bottom and get help. Hes flat out told me he would rather lose me then go to counseling which is really sad. The only way he would get help is if his drinking affected his job, which it is bound to do. I started to see a therapist and its the best thing i could have done for myself. It stinks that you have a daughter that is involved in all of this mess, I cant imagine the added stress that is involved with that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fucpcg Posted June 28, 2012 Share Posted June 28, 2012 I am not a fan of alcohol at all. I know so many people my age group (40's) who still spend every weekend going out drinking to the same places, with the same people, and never do anything different, since basically turning 21. My mother was an alcoholic, and on her side of the family (Irish) there are quite a few alcoholics. My ex is a functioning alcoholic. Every single night she doesn't have her children, weekend or weekday, she is out till 2am bar close drinking. On the weekends she does have her kids, her heavy boozing girlfriends bring a case of beer to her house and pound it in her kitchen, with her boys sleeping right upstairs. She is promiscuous, she drives her and her girlfriends around drunk, and has a job that would be GONE if she got a DUI, and her life and her kid's lives destroyed. The first night I ever slept with her at her house, she asked me to come over and hang out, but her friends were there boozing it up when I got there, they get trashed together then gf's leave, she pulls me into living room on the floor and proceeds to scream her head off... next thing I know I am hearing footsteps upstairs in her house, and her six year old son comes downstairs.... WTF! I cannot believe she just did all she did that night with them home, I assumed they weren't home. That one still haunts me two and a half years later. For he it was no big deal. We stayed together for a year. After two months I broke up with her because of every commitment made to quit drinking by her was broken, and she was a nasty drunk, as well as irresponsible. When I broke up with her, she begged for a chance to make it work. I took a week to calm down, then told her I would get back with her only if she quit drinking 100%, I mean one beer even with dinner and I'm gone. She quit, and was such an amazing girl, my best friend, a much improved mother, her and I and the 3 children became an inseparable family, I swear she was my soul mate. Too bad the not drinking thing didn't last. A year into our relationship, we got into an argument, that next weekend she was out with her drinking girlfriends, and boom we were done. But wait it gets better! I am now thrown under the bus to justify her new drinking binge. I was such a crazy, psychotic, abusive boyfriend that she now has to go out drinking to undo the damage I did to her while we were together. She will not let me see or talk to her kids. I cannot send them birthday presents. She won't talk to me. She tells everyone how horrible a person I am. She is also seen out now every weekend, children at home or not now she's going out anyway. I've seen her walk out the bar with 21 year old boys, she's 40. She's been seen with more men this past month than I've been with women since the 90's. Alcohol. Boo. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fucpcg Posted June 28, 2012 Share Posted June 28, 2012 My ex doesn't even think about whether or not she has a drinking problem. She just thinks she's out having fun with her (young 20's) girlfriends. She will hit rock bottom some day, and if it's a DUI god forbid for her, and her children. Our whole situation ripped me apart, bad. I found so much help from going to Al-Anon meetings, I would suggest the same for you. Link to post Share on other sites
GLDheart Posted June 29, 2012 Share Posted June 29, 2012 fucpcg, your story is so scary... It really hits home for me because this is the future I see for my EX.... I truly hope you just did NOT describe the way she will be living if she continues on her path. She may have wronged me, but I do not wish this upon her. OUCH. I'm so sorry for your pain... And more so for her children that may grow up fearful and insecure due to thier mother's on again off again love and the crazies she brings into thier lives. Link to post Share on other sites
fucpcg Posted June 29, 2012 Share Posted June 29, 2012 Seeing my ex spiral out of control, and knowing what a horrible mother she is when drinking, it just rips my heart out all over again. It's not just the breakup, it's knowing those kids are paying the price, and that every day she is not being sober, is one more day she's closer to becoming a true life long alcoholic. Very, very sad for me on sooo many levels. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts