FWB to bestest friends with benefits to casual sex to just bestest friends forever

[sunc]

So I went to college and met this guy over the summer, pre-first semester. We connected really well and went into college being FWB. It turned to Bestest Friends with Benefits pretty quickly and then at the end of the semester he decided we should stop doing sexual stuff and being FWB. That lastest about ten days because we didn't see each other then we decided to be 'casual sex friends' which was his way of saying this way we don't end something (FWB), we just stop having casual sex (less 'commitments'?). I had slept with him during the night during the first semester too, but starting this semester causal sex doesn't include that so it'll be less relationship-y. Now he really likes me a lot and always tells me how amazing I am and how much he needs me and how we're close like family. He really does like me, but I used to smoke and he won't date a smoker or someone who's smoked. He's very stubborn about it. He also told me he wouldn't wanna date me cuz he can't marry me cuz I'm not russian or jewish, and he doesn't want me to be someone he dates and then breaks up with and never talks to again. He told me he wants me to be with him throughout his whole life. So he won't date me cuz he wants me forever in his life and the girls he is thinking about dating he can't marry and it wont matter if he can't be with them forever or whatever. He also has such a skewed perception about love, I asked him what would happen if he fell in love with someone who was not what he's looking for, would he just give up on her and deny his feelings? and he responded that he wouldn't fall in love with someone like that...i asked why and he said because he'd be able to control who he loves, enough to be like 'i can't love her' and he'd move on and find someone more fitting. I told him love doesn't work like that and he's being silly but hes firm on it. All our friends can see that he likes me and even our parents have asked us several times if we are dating or not. He obviously likes me, maybe even close to loves (he's cried at the thought of me not being his bestest friend forever anymore) me, but hes completely ruled me out as an option and is denying his feelings. he's convinced himself we could never date or be anything more than bestest friends forever but in reality we had already dated for 4 months just without the label dating. soon enough it was spring break and i was upset so i supposedly 'did' something with someone else, and in reality all we did was make out and i stayed over in his bed but my friend thinks i gave him a bj because i told him i had so that we would end our whole shenanigans cuz it hurt so much to be with him. and now school's ended and he keeps taking things away, like he doesn't want to cuddle or do anything that could be seen as super couple-y. and that just hurts too. i feel really rejected and upset all the time and all my other friends want me to get away from him but hes seriously my closest friend ever so i really can't just leave him and i want him to come around but i feel like he never will. and we kiss each other on the cheek and hug each other and text everyday and skype really often and he tells me he loves me but hes not in love with me and i just think itd be so easy to date but he doesn't want to cause i used to smoke. idk what to do or if i can get away but i know im pretty sure im just getting hurt staying around him but the idea of leaving him upsets me soooo much. help?

[Philosoraptor]

His reasons are his reasons and you need to accept them. Though I'd gamble there is a lot more to it than "you used to smoke" and he's giving you that in order to not hurt your feelings anymore than he has to.