Suzi Posted July 3, 2004 Posted July 3, 2004 I just married and I have a daughter . my husband has two boys 7 and 11. They live far away and even my husband doesn't see them much. I have no idea how to contact them on distance. I am also very busy. Just sending gifts is not a solution. any advice?
supermom Posted July 3, 2004 Posted July 3, 2004 Can you call them? Do they have email? How is their mother with everything? Congratulations on your recent marriage. I was raised in Phx, but live in Camp Verde. Do you know where that is? good luck on everything.
Author Suzi Posted July 3, 2004 Author Posted July 3, 2004 Originally posted by supermom Can you call them? Do they have email? How is their mother with everything? Congratulations on your recent marriage. I was raised in Phx, but live in Camp Verde. Do you know where that is? good luck on everything. Thanks...Yes i can call or email them but it is so indiscreet. Their mom thinks that I am the reason that dad doesn't see the kids. it is not true. He is just upset that kids and their mom just care about gifts and money. He got no happy birthday or fathers day card. If the gifts are not very expensive they won't even thank him when he calls them. The only my guilt is that i take all his vacations. Since we have long distance relationship now he comes to see me everytime. In a year when he moves back to US things should be different. I am new here and don't know much around. Where is Camp Verde? I read a bit about your problem. How it goes now? wish you good luck too.
CurlyIam Posted July 3, 2004 Posted July 3, 2004 Hi Suzi Congrats on your wedding! I hope you're happy and hope you stay happy for many many years to come. Of course, being a wife isn't all about eternal bliss, but about responsability too. I think you, as his wife have the right to speak your mind about his relationship with his children and have the right to choose which role to play. First of all, do not blame them. It can be the ex's hand here. If mommy won't let you write a card, trust me, when you're a little child, you won't! I think you should stop thinking that all they want is material things, or at least try to make that a bit less important. If you change your approch: not look at them with doubt, but love and acceptance, they'll change their attitude too. I think children responde with love to love. I understand that the relationship between your husband and his ex are tense. She has no right to judge how he chooses to spend his holidays, especially right now, when he's a newly wed in a LDR. That's your hubby's choice first, yours only second. My suggestion is: when it comes to presents, try to make it less expensive(stop feeding the demon), but as meaningfull as possible. You can start to play arole in those children's lives slowly: by signing card for them first along with you husband, buy adding a few words from your part to them, should your hubby email them, to start establish some sort of contact with them, other then "the woman your dad married". Than, if you feel comfortable, during a holiday when he comes to visit you, you can take the kids to your place: imagine, they'll be on your house, on your time, seeing their dad! I think you'd win valuable points for it, if you really want to develop a relationship with his children. I think it is so nice of you, so considerate to be doing this. It is quite easy to give up on children, especially when one moves on with his life and when most bridges with his old live are burned. So... just don't assume the worst, give them the benefit of the doubt, lots of love and appreciations. May God bless your kind heart for giving those children their dad back! Curly P.S.Have you ever met them? Ever spent time with them? Ever talked to them? Do they like you?
Author Suzi Posted July 4, 2004 Author Posted July 4, 2004 Originally posted by CurlyIam Hi Suzi Congrats on your wedding! I hope you're happy and hope you stay happy for many many years to come. Of course, being a wife isn't all about eternal bliss, but about responsability too. I think you, as his wife have the right to speak your mind about his relationship with his children and have the right to choose which role to play. First of all, do not blame them. It can be the ex's hand here. If mommy won't let you write a card, trust me, when you're a little child, you won't! I think you should stop thinking that all they want is material things, or at least try to make that a bit less important. If you change your approch: not look at them with doubt, but love and acceptance, they'll change their attitude too. I think children responde with love to love. I understand that the relationship between your husband and his ex are tense. She has no right to judge how he chooses to spend his holidays, especially right now, when he's a newly wed in a LDR. That's your hubby's choice first, yours only second. My suggestion is: when it comes to presents, try to make it less expensive(stop feeding the demon), but as meaningfull as possible. You can start to play arole in those children's lives slowly: by signing card for them first along with you husband, buy adding a few words from your part to them, should your hubby email them, to start establish some sort of contact with them, other then "the woman your dad married". Than, if you feel comfortable, during a holiday when he comes to visit you, you can take the kids to your place: imagine, they'll be on your house, on your time, seeing their dad! I think you'd win valuable points for it, if you really want to develop a relationship with his children. I think it is so nice of you, so considerate to be doing this. It is quite easy to give up on children, especially when one moves on with his life and when most bridges with his old live are burned. So... just don't assume the worst, give them the benefit of the doubt, lots of love and appreciations. May God bless your kind heart for giving those children their dad back! Curly P.S.Have you ever met them? Ever spent time with them? Ever talked to them? Do they like you? Thank you for your kind words Curly. Yes I have met them 2 years before. We had to fly from Europe to see them . They told my hubby that they liked me. I liked them very much too. But there were some circumstances(new job, business trips, change of life, international move...)that hold us to go there after it. Kids are small to fly alone too. I would never blame them for not contacting dad.Kids are losing the most in divorce. Now we probably can't see them till next spring/summer. I will see my hubby all year only few weeks. We were together already 6 weeks this year. It was my choice, I went for my dream job...If all works fine we will move together next summer and I am sure then we will see his kids more often... I found this site suddenly and like it. I wish I knew it some difficult times I had in past. Anyway why we need to share only problems? I thought happiness is rare and we should try to share that too. BTW I love Paris...
shortbus74 Posted July 13, 2004 Posted July 13, 2004 Being from a "broken home myself" .............(have more parents than underware) Write letters!! Send pictures!! And try to have a civil relationship with the ex.... Sure gifts are great... but letter and pics are 100 times better... When my parents divorced I was 7 and to this day (30 now) they are still bitter towards each other... Try to build a relationship with the ex wife... It will be hard but the things you do for love!
Author Suzi Posted July 16, 2004 Author Posted July 16, 2004 Originally posted by shortbus74 Being from a "broken home myself" .............(have more parents than underware) : I think you should keep buying underware . Thanks for replying. I was just wondering if someone can advice what can I get 8 years old boy, my stepson, for his birthday. I just have a daughter and never had a brother so don't really know what boys like. I don't know what he likes or his wishes since he lives far away...
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