affairs how can we move on a rebuild our marriage

[pcustoms]

Wife n i been together 12yrs n married almost 9 we have 4 kids together n i have 1 other that he only knows her as his mother. His bio mom put him up for adotion n with my wife by my side we fought adoption n i got custody. I did let his bio mom try n prove herself by letting her see him a couple times n then i started seeing it was hurting my marriage having her in our life so i ended contact with her n she plans to sign her rights over. I had an affair on my wife 2yrs ago that produced a son. My wife stood by my side n said she can work past this. After my son was born we went threw lenthy court n $12k lawyer bill. She befriended a old classmate in which she met up with him 1 night n showed a pic of her to him in sexual clothing. Later she came home n told me story n she fell asleep. Bout 15min later her phone goes off n i try to shut it off n this guy is asking if he can have pic of her like the 1 he got shown. I text back n said what u mean. Then he said b4 u got out of my car u should me a pic. N i woke wife up n asked her again where she was n again she lied then i should her the text. I moved out for 3 days n we got back together n for 3mnths she tild me she hasnt talked to him other then a couple hi how are u so she wasnt mean. Well 3weeks ago i had feeling something wasnt write so i put app on her phone n caught a mess saying she went to his house but she didnt. 4days later she got with guy n had sex. I blew up n we had huge fight. I told her we can work past this. No she wont cut contact with guy n she filled for divorce but telling me conculing will help our marriage n she filled to show me how close we are to ending it. I speny 2yrs showing her i loved her n she was only 1 i want . Our sex life has always been great. She still has him as a friend n he is asking to meet up n texting her at 4am. Told her in order for us to move foward n build trust she must tell him that its over. We believe our marriage is salvagable but she dont want to hurt his feelings or lose a friend n i cant give her the trust she deserves with him in pic n he is 90% of our fights these past 3mnths. What should we do. We want to heal n rebuild marriage. We need to see how.

[Twins]

The very foundation of your relationship is cracked. But it does seem like you can get an opportunity to work through it. People have worked through infidelity. You both are at fault. You both need to WANT to work on it. I would suggest MC. It's a start. It won't happen overnight. It is no quick fix. But can be done. I'm always hopeful. Stay positive.