phoenix65 Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I am in the process of leaving my marriage of 24 years. My youngest child leaves for college in 6 months, and once she goes I cannot face it being just my husband and me. I cannot stand to be in the same room as my husband let alone let him touch me. He has been cold, mean, critical and unaffectionate our entire marriage, but as I had low self esteem I put up with it and thought I didn't deserve any better. I really tried to make things work with him, but he has never tried to change, and now I have no feelings left at all for him. I didn't think I would ever involve myself with guys again or contemplate remarriage, but watching my youngest daughter having young guys fall in love with her and treat her really well has created a hunger in me to experience love as well. I have never experienced it, and it would be nice to be cared about. Realistically- what are my chances of finding a caring life partner at my age? People tell me I look young for my age, and I am not overweight. I am blonde and blue eyed. I am not fussy about height or income- I just want someone caring and who will be in a committed relationship with me. I've mostly been a homemaker and quite like just taking care of people so don't mind a traditional partnership. I don't even know where to begin to find someone- any help or advice would be appreciated. I can't actually think of anyone who I know of who has successfully remarried in their late forties- women seem to remain single if they divorce at this stage- so I am not sure if I should even be trying to find a new relationship or if it will just lead to more painful feelings of not being good enough.
Bristolius Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I think your chances are pretty good. But maybe it's best not to try figuring the odds and focus on starting a new life. Once you get out of your bad marriage everything will seem different. Also a warning: Loveshack is sort of like the island of misfit toys. Lots of pessimism here and the gender war is raging. Good luck!
Algermas Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I am in the process of leaving my marriage of 24 years. My youngest child leaves for college in 6 months, and once she goes I cannot face it being just my husband and me. I cannot stand to be in the same room as my husband let alone let him touch me. He has been cold, mean, critical and unaffectionate our entire marriage, but as I had low self esteem I put up with it and thought I didn't deserve any better. I really tried to make things work with him, but he has never tried to change, and now I have no feelings left at all for him. I didn't think I would ever involve myself with guys again or contemplate remarriage, but watching my youngest daughter having young guys fall in love with her and treat her really well has created a hunger in me to experience love as well. I have never experienced it, and it would be nice to be cared about. Realistically- what are my chances of finding a caring life partner at my age? People tell me I look young for my age, and I am not overweight. I am blonde and blue eyed. I am not fussy about height or income- I just want someone caring and who will be in a committed relationship with me. I've mostly been a homemaker and quite like just taking care of people so don't mind a traditional partnership. I don't even know where to begin to find someone- any help or advice would be appreciated. I can't actually think of anyone who I know of who has successfully remarried in their late forties- women seem to remain single if they divorce at this stage- so I am not sure if I should even be trying to find a new relationship or if it will just lead to more painful feelings of not being good enough. At 46 you can't afford to be fussy about anything except maybe an extensive criminal record. Everyone tells women they look young and beautiful, what else can they say? Men treat your daughter well because she's young, very few miles on the odometer, new car smell. Unfortunately for you women have a narrow window of desirability and yours has, on average, passed at least a decade ago.
sid3 Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I am in the process of leaving my marriage of 24 years. My youngest child leaves for college in 6 months, and once she goes I cannot face it being just my husband and me. I cannot stand to be in the same room as my husband let alone let him touch me. He has been cold, mean, critical and unaffectionate our entire marriage, but as I had low self esteem I put up with it and thought I didn't deserve any better. I really tried to make things work with him, but he has never tried to change, and now I have no feelings left at all for him. I didn't think I would ever involve myself with guys again or contemplate remarriage, but watching my youngest daughter having young guys fall in love with her and treat her really well has created a hunger in me to experience love as well. I have never experienced it, and it would be nice to be cared about. Realistically- what are my chances of finding a caring life partner at my age? People tell me I look young for my age, and I am not overweight. I am blonde and blue eyed. I am not fussy about height or income- I just want someone caring and who will be in a committed relationship with me. I've mostly been a homemaker and quite like just taking care of people so don't mind a traditional partnership. I don't even know where to begin to find someone- any help or advice would be appreciated. I can't actually think of anyone who I know of who has successfully remarried in their late forties- women seem to remain single if they divorce at this stage- so I am not sure if I should even be trying to find a new relationship or if it will just lead to more painful feelings of not being good enough. I have no idea. What I do know is that your being blonde and blue eyed means absolutely nothing. There's an abundance of blue eyed blondes these days, I see them everywhere I go. If I had to suggest one thing that will catch a man's eye, keep your body hard and tight. Men are extremely shallow these days.
Woggle Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 It's not too late but look in the right places. Try and get involved with something you enjoy doing and there are bound to be some single guys at these events.
darkmoon Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I'm quite old, a female, with female friends my own age - quite a few single older women choose to be single; no more dinner-demands, cleaning up after two people, or sex with a man who has let himself go...
sid3 Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I'm quite old, a female, with female friends my own age - quite a few single older women choose to be single; no more dinner-demands, cleaning up after two people, or sex with a man who has let himself go... Huh, not too old to go hunting a man without your panties on though. Interesting. Yet gross at the same time, just sayin.
mesmerized Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I'm quite old, a female, with female friends my own age - quite a few single older women choose to be single; no more dinner-demands, cleaning up after two people, or sex with a man who has let himself go... Marriage doesn't sound fun. I don't know if I can give you any advice OP. But two of my mother's friends recently got married in their late forties and early fifties and for both of them it was their first time so it's certainly possible.
pteromom Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Realistically- what are my chances of finding a caring life partner at my age? It's possible. Just remember that MOST guys who are single at our age are single for a reason. Sure, there are widowers and guys who have gotten out of bad marriages, and a few guys who took a long time to settle down, but most of them are messed up. (And yes, this goes for women too, before anyone says anything.) I think the main thing is to focus on having a full meaningful life. And if you meet a great guy while you are doing that, all the better.
darkmoon Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Huh, not too old to go hunting a man without your panties on though. Interesting. Yet gross at the same time, just sayin. but it's not you i'm after
sid3 Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 but it's not you i'm after Thank god for that! I still find that just as nasty today as I did back then. If I cared I'd teach you how to have a little class. Something told me you were old, and clueless.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 I got divorced in my forties; 6 years later and I'm remarried. I'm not the only woman I know in a similar situation. It's possible. But, I think it's premature for you to be thinking much about it when you aren't divorced yet. Getting through a divorce and out the other side is not a good time to try to connect with new men, for many reasons. You are not likely to be ready, and I don't think it's very fair to them. In my case, I needed to just casually and socially date around for quite a while, after I was starting to recover from all the negativity around my divorce. I had no idea how to go about it and I was pretty uncomfortable, plus, I did not have a good idea of what kind of man I would really like to be with at this stage of my life. It all turned out well. It can for you too. 3
darkmoon Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Thank god for that! I still find that just as nasty today as I did back then. If I cared I'd teach you how to have a little class. Something told me you were old, and clueless. so het up over my sex life? the knicker incident was weeks ago but you've keeping on-line tabs on me for weeks for this seemingly must-have on-line verbal assualt? << yes, i find you entertaining
curlygirl40 Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Oh my goodness, no, it's not too late. I'm in my 40's and have done a lot of online dating in the past 2 years since my divorce. When I'm on line dating my age range is up to 49, although I have gone out on a couple of dates with guys in their early 50's who messaged me who seemed interesting even though they were out of my 'age range'. Let me tell you, in my area at least, there are LOTS of good guys out there that want relationships in this age range. Most of them have been divorced, and their kids are grown or older and they are ready to date and ready for relationships. First, you need to be o.k with being alone. My X was emotionally abusive and when I got myself out of that marriage I decided I would be happier if I was alone forever. My first goal was my sanity. I do remember that feeling though of 'will anyone ever want me again?' 'Will anyone love me again'. And I'm here to tell you "YES". If that's what you want, you will find it. It's there for the finding. If you're open to it. I have seen several examples of women who have gone through divorce who end up alone and it seems like they are alone because they want to be, not because they can't find anyone. They might be jaded, they might be bitter, they might not be looking, they might be happy being single. So be o.k being alone for a while, grieve the loss of your marriage. Grieve the loss of what you thought your life was going to look like. Concentrate on yourself and your kids. Don't worry about being alone. Sit with it for a while and know that even if you are alone, that's o.k. But when you are ready, there are many nice, relationship minded men out there. You just have to know where to look. Best of luck 2
pteromom Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 whatever and you never told me what pteromom means. single for a reason. blah blah blah. Ummm. I'm married. Ptero = pterodactyls, because they are awesome. Mom = I have a child. 1
FitChick Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Thank god for that! I still find that just as nasty today as I did back then. If I cared I'd teach you how to have a little class. Something told me you were old, and clueless. DarkMoon may be old but this is what she looks like.
pteromom Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 not you but your statement men are single for a reason. what is that to mean? single men in their 40s and 50s aren't all bad. got my explanation of your name. pterodactyls are intresting Oh no, there are a lot of good people in their 40s and 50s. But you can be a good person and not good in a relationship. So when I said older men (and ladies) are usually single for a reason, it's true. Some reasons: - Commitmentphobe (run when things get serious) - Personality disorder (history of rocky "serial monogamy" relationships) - Very insecure/jealous so are dumped over and over - Expecting perfection out of their partner and run away over something minor - Abusive - Workaholic - Perpetual GIGS There are SOME people who have just had bad luck in love and found themselves single at 40-50-60, but there is often a reason.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 I don't even know where to begin... Well, anybody knows that the place to begin is extricating yourself from your current relationship. There are millions of people all over the world sitting right where you are, wanting something better, but clinging to what's there for FEAR of there not being anything better out there. Well, how can you know what's out there when you are still in here ??
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 It's possible but that really shouldn't be your main focus, the last thing you need in my opinion is to go jump into another relationship before you really get to know the man. You don't want to repeat the mistakes of being insecure yet you don't want to be overkill and act super defensive because the last thing you want is "for another man to treat me like my husband did! I'll never put up with that again!"...It would be jumping from one extreme to another just because of this marriage. You've got to reclaim your independence, stability (mentally, emotionally, in your life) and confidence back in order to prepare yourself for the dating world...you don't want to fall for the first man you run into and you don't want to cling the first man that gives you any sense of a false romance then as typical as can be falls into his roles and there again you're holding onto how things used to be and you're planning and building your whole life around this person. You've been married and raising kids for a major portion of your life, give yourself time to adjust in the lifestyle of not having to do that 24/7 anymore. Take some control and responsibility in your life, do things that interest you that you've never had time to do for yourself...don't be afraid to go out there and live for yourself and most importantly find yourself a bit, get to know who you really are without the influences of your husband waning over your life like a glass ceiling. Go to festivals, wineries, make single friends and just have a good time. When you've come to a place where you've dealt with the residuals of your last marriage and feel comfortable in your life again mentally, physically and emotionally and can see and feel clearly, then make the move to start something serious or date. If you worry about getting old you're just going to be in panic mode and just settle IMO, that's the most natural reaction. You're going to only know what you've for the last 24 years, so it's going to take some time...but ultimately I think the time is worth it when you invest in yourself...when you invest in yourself it's like a home, when you invest in others It's like buying a car...one typically keeps going up in value and sticks with you in the long-term, the other depreciates as soon as you drive it off the lot...that's what It can be like If you just relationship jump, you won't find yourself that way. There's so much you need to learn, I just hope you give yourself enough time to learn it. But maybe I'm wrong, maybe you're someone that can't live without the family/married life...but I don't believe so, I think if you give yourself a chance you can even surprise yourself of what you can do, and even who you are. 2
pteromom Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 what if the poseter had been a man rather than a woman. would your tune have been the same? Absolutely!
ThaWholigan Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 It's absolutely possible. My mother divorced my step-dad at around 40. Now she's in a LTR (about 5 years now) and she is 50. Read Ninjainpajamas' post though and take it in....
pteromom Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 gee. just negative reasons. how bout the positives? every one of your reasons could be rewritten as a positive. They may be positive to the person experiencing them, but for someone trying to get into a relationship with the person, they are negative. So sure, I could have changed - Commitmentphobe (run when things get serious) to - likes to be free and have a good time - Personality disorder (history of rocky "serial monogamy" relationships) to - Interesting and passionate person who loves exploring the full range of emotional potential - Very insecure/jealous so are dumped over and over to Loves fully and completely! - Expecting perfection out of their partner and run away over something minor to Refuses to settle for less than the best! - Abusive to Assertive and confident - Workaholic to Successful - Perpetual GIGS to Wants to experience everything life has to offer But from the perspective of someone trying to find a mate, these positives are pretty negative.
El Brujo Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Loveshack is sort of like the island of misfit toys. Lots of pessimism here and the gender war is raging. In addition, I'll warn you that some of us on LS have heads harder than granite.
NXS Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 I am in the process of leaving my marriage of 24 years. My youngest child leaves for college in 6 months, and once she goes I cannot face it being just my husband and me. I cannot stand to be in the same room as my husband let alone let him touch me. He has been cold, mean, critical and unaffectionate our entire marriage, but as I had low self esteem I put up with it and thought I didn't deserve any better. I really tried to make things work with him, but he has never tried to change, and now I have no feelings left at all for him. I didn't think I would ever involve myself with guys again or contemplate remarriage, but watching my youngest daughter having young guys fall in love with her and treat her really well has created a hunger in me to experience love as well. I have never experienced it, and it would be nice to be cared about. Realistically- what are my chances of finding a caring life partner at my age? People tell me I look young for my age, and I am not overweight. I am blonde and blue eyed. I am not fussy about height or income- I just want someone caring and who will be in a committed relationship with me. I've mostly been a homemaker and quite like just taking care of people so don't mind a traditional partnership. I don't even know where to begin to find someone- any help or advice would be appreciated. I can't actually think of anyone who I know of who has successfully remarried in their late forties- women seem to remain single if they divorce at this stage- so I am not sure if I should even be trying to find a new relationship or if it will just lead to more painful feelings of not being good enough. Well just going by how you've described yourself here I think you'd have an above average chance of meeting soemeone. You say you have a hunger for love so that would separate you from other women in your age category who're more interested in a meal ticket. Also being with just one man for all those years would be an advantage over women who've had numerous marriages/relationships and are now jaded. So overall you'd be way ahead of most women in your age category and I think men would see you as a good catch. I'm not sure if this is the kind of advice your looking for but good luck in your endeavours.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 You say you have a hunger for love so that would separate you from other women in your age category who're more interested in a meal ticket. Impossible! Aren't we all rolling in the dough we extorted from our ex husbands in the divorce settlements?? We don't need no meal tickets! We have all the moolah!
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