SciGuy Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 So, I understand that closure needs to come from within, but does anyone have a story where they were cheated on, broke up, went NC, and the cheater admitted to everything they had done? I just saw the girl I had been dating for 6 months who was messing around on me the whole time. You can read my prior posts for the full story. Walked past each other several times today and we both avoided eye contact. She still has yet to admit to anything and I'm struggling with that... Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 My ex didn't. Though I suspect that he knows that I know. I think that some cheaters believe that they were "justified" in their cheating and therefore they don't feel that they were ever in the wrong. I suspect that some don't feel the need for further unpleasantness or to hurt you since you're not together anymore. Therefore further revelations are irrelevant. If you still see your ex on a regular basis, I'm not surprised that you're still struggling. For now, every time you see her, it will trigger the memory of what happened. Until you don't see her anymore, your healing is likely to be held back. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowShark Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 My EX didn't either. I even caught her and scumball in-the-act and still those two claim I made it all up. 99% of the time cheaters don't admit they are cheating, even when caught. If they do admit it, you'll never get the full story, just "trickle truth." Link to post Share on other sites
CarboniteCammy Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 When I was with my ex fiance, I found out after he died that he'd been cheating on me with several people. Going through his stuff, I found random hotel keys and several girls I'd never met (we were together three years, I should have known all of his friends at that point) kept wanting to come over and get their stuff back out of OUR house. I went through his MySpace account (this is how long ago this was) and through his gmail account and I was shocked with what I saw and found. It was horrible. While we were together, I had suspicions that he was cheating, but I could never be sure. I confronted him on it and he always said he'd never be a cheater because he knew how awful it was. I don't think that most cheaters admit what they do. I think that to a certain extent, it's embarrassing for them to say, "Hey, I just can't keep my d*ck in my pants," or, "Sorry babe, just can't keep my legs closed." There's no excuse for cheating and you may just have to take that for what it is. Don't expect closure from someone who isn't even able to be honest with you in the first place. It will just make you angry and it won't make the past any easier to deal with. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted June 28, 2012 Share Posted June 28, 2012 The only way they admit it is if you catch them. And even then, it was yor fault anyway (cough....cough...bullsh*t). I could give you a standard list of crap that they say, but what's the point. Their actions did all of the talking. Link to post Share on other sites
Reddice Posted June 28, 2012 Share Posted June 28, 2012 My ex never admitted it either, even though I caught her red handed in front of his door with a bag of groceries. What's even funnnier, even after we had broken up she still wouldn't admit she was dating him, despite the fact that her facebook, blog and twitter were plastered with declarations of love and discribing her dates with her "boyfriend". Link to post Share on other sites
Robert P Posted June 28, 2012 Share Posted June 28, 2012 They usually know they're wrong, but they don't care. There can be 3 reactions: 1 - The cheater says he's wrong, but he's lying, because he doesn't think so. 2 - The cheater doesn't say he's wrong, because he really doesn't believe it. 3 - The cheater says he's wrong and he's being sincere. It's rare. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 28, 2012 Share Posted June 28, 2012 The quick answer is no, because for the person doing it...it's a completely different perspective, they have their own justification, their own views and feelings about why they do it or did it. Seeking closure from a cheater is a futile thing, because you'll never quit understand their choices from your perspective...for you it's just a betrayal of loyalty, trust and emotions but that's not the focus of the person cheating, in fact in their act it is selfish...they're thinking of themselves and how they feel, your feelings they can only acknowledge them logically but not emotionally. You've got to find a place to forgive them...like bible jesus, you've got to realize that this person has unhealthy issues that are not as personal and directed towards you...you cannot teach a person to respect you or even permit them from something they would otherwise do that they feel is acceptable...their upbringing and childhood can have a lot to do with their morality with it, and trauma experienced makes them immune to the sympathy and empathy of it...plus it's again different from which side the fence you are sitting on. You've got to forgive them and let it go, for yourself not for them, you've got to get in control of that emotion and not let it define or plague you...you're never going to get the answers you want and feel you need to move on, there is no good reasons, there is no explanations and sayings that will ever make it ok. This person has issues and they'll have to leave with that as well as the guilt, life burdens everyone in the end and it all seems to come around...its hard to accept their behavior and how they hurt you but you've got to wrap your mind around it wasn't just about you, the issues is bigger than you and they cheated on themselves, not just you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
LittlePrince Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Does anyone ever admit anything? No. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweett Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 I caught mine in the act. I had suspected something for a while but he said i was insecure and he became emotionally distant. One night he didnt answer my calls or texts so i drove to his house and found another girl in his bed!!! When i caught him his reponse was he wasnt ready for a relationship but that was a lie because he had established one with her behind my back while we were still together now they are engaged!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author SciGuy Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 Well, believe it or not, she text me on Friday asking if she could apologize in person. I was shocked. This is after 2 months of NC. Link to post Share on other sites
iambookworm Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 My ex didn't. I found out by investigating. He already had a wife and was cheating on her with me. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 (edited) My wife stuck to her story that she was sorry it hurt me but that it was an experience she need so she would know what it was like to screw more guys. She said it was good because she found that she really did love me and that I shouldn't dwell on it. True gas-lighting. Now she tells me she is sorry, regrets what she did and knows it was terribly wrong. I firmly believe she is terrified I am going to leave her and will tell me whatever she thinks I want to hear. It has been over two decades since her cheating and she's been a great mother and good wife so it's really hard for me to justify leaving her now. The problem is, since our kids are gone the thought of what she did bothers me more than ever before. I think it's because I no longer feel that I have to "stay for the kids" and that leaving her now would hurt her more than when she was younger. That sounds really cold but not compared to what she did to me. Edited July 2, 2012 by drifter777 Link to post Share on other sites
louise_23 Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 So, I understand that closure needs to come from within, but does anyone have a story where they were cheated on, broke up, went NC, and the cheater admitted to everything they had done? I just saw the girl I had been dating for 6 months who was messing around on me the whole time. You can read my prior posts for the full story. Walked past each other several times today and we both avoided eye contact. She still has yet to admit to anything and I'm struggling with that... my ex will never wholeheartedly say he's responsible for cheating. in my house. while i was out. many many times. thing is, i dont care anymore. i really couldnt care less if he admits anything or not. i dont care about him. hes not who i thought he was, so what he thinks/feels/believes means absolutely squat to me. youll get there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SciGuy Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 Well she met with me a couple weeks ago. Spent 3 hours talking to me, apologizing, crying, and explaining why she did it. She attempted to text me a few more times later that night which I ignored. Haven't heard from her since. I do feel like cheaters want to purge the guilt by admitting they're wrong and that's their main motivation. Yet, a part of me wants to believe that there is some good in her and she is truly sorry for what she did to me. I found it hard to even look at her the entire interaction. I see a totally different person. I once saw an amazing, intelligent, strong women. Now I see an immoral, worthless, lying, cheating, miserable girl. It's an awful feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
foralittlerespect Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Well she met with me a couple weeks ago. Spent 3 hours talking to me, apologizing, crying, and explaining why she did it. She attempted to text me a few more times later that night which I ignored. Haven't heard from her since. I do feel like cheaters want to purge the guilt by admitting they're wrong and that's their main motivation. Yet, a part of me wants to believe that there is some good in her and she is truly sorry for what she did to me. I found it hard to even look at her the entire interaction. I see a totally different person. I once saw an amazing, intelligent, strong women. Now I see an immoral, worthless, lying, cheating, miserable girl. It's an awful feeling. SciGuy, I know how you feel. And I agree with what others are saying. Trying to get the closure you need from people like this girl is definitely a “going to a dry well for water” thing. She isn’t sorry she cheated…she is sorry for how terrible she feels for getting caught and being a class-A coward. She’s not apologizing because she understands how she hurt you…she is apologizing to absolve her own feelings of guilt. And you can’t do that for her. The only way SHE can move forward is to look at her issues, why she does this, etc. And she won’t, judging by the content of your conversation with her. (“Explaining” why she did it? Why do you need one? She is sick and has the emotional intelligence of a teenager. If that.) In fact, I think your being willing to hear her bullsh*t is prolonging her inability to face her actions, and also deepening the pain you are feeling over being betrayed and lied to. You have every right to feel this way…I am so, so sorry that this happened. But you waiting for an apology from her to move on and start living your life is not going to help you. I say this from experience (recent, I might add. See my other posts...) My ex used to yell at me for even insinuating the obvious…he is STILL making half-assed attempts to contact me. I changed his name in my phone to “El Manipulator” to remind myself of his lying, cheating ways. Haven’t responded to a single lazy text he’s sent me since the day I broke it off because I don’t even want his “apology.” He’s going to have to get his ego boost from another girl who will buy his “poor me” stories. He still never admits that he cheated. Everyone and their dog knows that he did, too. Does it hurt? Yes. It does. But as deeply as I’ve allowed myself to be hurt by this a** clown, I have decisions to make in the present. And I’ve decided to protect myself from him and move on with my life, each day making little steps to become my best self. I hope you will too, and maybe someday as a result, the both of us will attract a mate who is perfect for us. Focus on you for a change, and not the actions of a sick person you once loved who is now (thankfully) gone from your life. Hugs to you. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Depends on the person. In my case, my exW met the other person at my behest and they had each other's contact information. We processed my 'wrong' in MC. What they discussed I had no idea. I got the issue out there and worked it. It's done now. Life is good. Link to post Share on other sites
GLDheart Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 ... I changed his name in my phone to “El Manipulator” to remind myself of his lying, cheating ways... I love it! I once used the theme music from "halloween" as the ring tone for an ex. It helped to prime me for the impending doom of the phone call I was just about to receive. Link to post Share on other sites
foralittlerespect Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 I love it! I once used the theme music from "halloween" as the ring tone for an ex. It helped to prime me for the impending doom of the phone call I was just about to receive. HAHA! That's great...little things like that really help! Link to post Share on other sites
aawebdev Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 they donot admit many a times.it depends on the person though.but i believe many of them makes excuses Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts