Showing you care.

[SmileFace]

What are some simple ways you can show your appreciation in a LDR?

 

I was thinking cards and maybe care packages with little Knick knacks?

However we share funny pictures and stuff on our phones... So will it make sense?

 

I am very new to this and trying not to reason myself out of this potential relationship - so I am trying to keep my self interested.

 

Little info

Dated him while on internship, it seemed to have porentional so we both planned to relocate to the location in which our internship took place but life happened and I had to return home a 900 miles away. He tried to continue us but I already planned to reconcile with my ex if I returned home - which was decided before I met him. Fast forward 5 months and I go to visit we end up hooking up and have been talking ever since. We have planned for me to visit in July. I have tons to figure out about him and just trying to figure out how.

[ladyabstrused]

It really depends on the type of guy he is. Does he appreciate such items? Like my brother has a LDR and his gf sends him a stuffed toy which he keeps on his bed. Now that was something I never thought he would ever do because he is just not that type of guy.

 

She got him a drinking glass which he uses daily now. Many things you could do to show care, it's not so much of showering them with gifts, but simple things like a poem, or a phrase, a little booklet which you could write a reason why you love him everyday on each page (but this seems to be for a more serious relationship). Sketches or drawings. If you're really out of time, yeah like you said, cards. Little magnets to say special words.

 

My ex got me shampoos, soaps, candles, they don't even have to be those super expensive ones, just items that I like and would appreciate. It shows some sort of care in a way too.

 

Are you planning on doing something for your guy when you visit him in July?

[candy324986]

Hey SmileFace

um theres alot of things you can do to show your LDR that you really care about them. i notice when reading that you said you guys sent each other funny pictures why dont you make a photo album, fill it with all those crazy funny pictures you guys sent togetheir alont of text messages that you sent along with the picture as captions for the pictures and mail it to him? or how about pay attention to the things he weasr, does he wear sweaters alot, watches, ties or etc? and buy him one of those items but before senting it to him you get a plain white sheet of paper and you write something sweet and or funny on it and mail it to him. And you said he was visting in the summer why dont you sent him something summer fun? idk if that made any sense like maybe a hawaiian shirt, or sunglasses? basically anything! i did the honor of finding a website that might help you if what i written up there hasnt really helped that much.

 

24 Long Distance Relationship Gift Ideas | Loving From A Distance

[SmileFace]

We were talking about my visit and he asked for a souviner from my city. He has not been here yet. Now to create a care package of sorts ; that I get to hand deliver to him in about two weeks.

[ladyabstrused]

Sounds so exciting! What are you putting together for him?

[candy324986]

Im soo happy for you! =D i hope he enjoys it

[SmileFace]

Sounds so exciting! What are you putting together for him?

 

I don't know yet. It has to be something that represents the city and will have meaning to someone who hasn't lived here and can't be as simple as a "I love" Tshirt.

[ladyabstrused]

Sounds like you'll do an amazing job at that. Good luck with it!

[SmileFace]

Well good thing every thing is allowed to be returned. Don't think this is going anywhere. Too early to say it is over but they is a slight chance. It was interesting to have a romantic interest while it lasted. I should probably bring back my forever-alone avatar.

Edited July 12, 2012 by SmileFace

[cerridwen]

Well good thing every thing is allowed to be returned. Don't think this is going anywhere. Too early to say it is over but they is a slight chance. It was interesting to have a romantic interest while it lasted. I should probably bring back my forever-alone avatar.

 

His loss, Smile.

What a maroon.

 

((SF))

[Els]

Aww, sorry to hear that, Smile. Hope you're doing okay. We'll be here if you want to talk about anything.

[SmileFace]

It went from everyday contact - phone calls and texts to next to nothing.

 

We spoke on the phone the night prior and everything was fine. He was going out drinking with some friends so he was just checking in before.

 

The next morning I sent him a good morning text because it was customary. It was weird that I didn't get one but I have no problem initiating contact. Since it seemed pretty leveled.

 

I couple hours later I got a text stating that his mom surprised him with a visit that happened to be the same week it was planned for me to visit.

 

Which I said ok, I didn't purchase my ticket anyway.

 

He then said it was her first time visiting since he moved there.

 

Then again I said ,ok. No problem we can always figure out a new date.

 

To which I did not get a reply. It is weird that he sent me this over text since he usually seems to call me about things like this. However I have no reason to jump to extra assumtions.

 

Anyway I sent a random text later in the day, "what you doing" text. He replied then I wrote back - then nothing.

 

Then wrote me the next day "Wish you could still come"... which I replied the day after "me too".Then nothing..So I decided to check on him...no answer.

 

There is absolutely no communication on is end. It isn't his work schedule, because he had time before - even when working doubles.

 

So I am done trying. I am no longer initiating. I am definately not trying to figure out why. I actually tried in this situation.I was open, caring, not jaded, not discounting his feelings - I did what I could to try and make this work. However it is pretty obvious when someone is pulling away.

 

Thanks all, this is just a next small hurdle to get over. He is more than welcome to explain but it is done on my end.

[Els]

I think you made the right choice, purely based on reading your post. You're a strong woman, hon. No point putting in all that effort for someone that doesn't put in any, in any way - LDRs especially are an investment, and when you realize that what you're investing in is not worth it, it's time to pull out.

 

{{hugs}}

[SmileFace]

Thanks Els. I am just going to let this one figure it self out.

 

However if this leads to nothing I am stepping away from guys.

 

From falling for a best friend, my ex breaking it off with me and the disgusting amount of flakes, in the past year. I need a break because I will only end up bitter if I face anymore defeat in dating or do something really stupid, like ring up the ex. I hope I have enough strength for a full break. The no sex part is going to suck but eh I am over casual sex and don't intentionally chase one night stands.

 

I could spend some time figuring my life out - get back in the gym, fix up my diet, go see a school conselor, get my car, try to get hired full time at work, look for a transfer job, finally moving to the sunshine state.

Edited July 12, 2012 by SmileFace

[Eternal Sunshine]

Aw sorry to hear that SF. I can relate...I am at my wits end with dating and feel like I just can't do it anymore. My life would be so much better if I just focused on other things.

 

I think, given that you still have so much time left to settle down, you can afford to have a break if this guy turns out to be a no-go.

[SmileFace]

Update coming soon ...

[ladyabstrused]

Aww I'm sorry to come back to read about what happened, SF.

 

I admire your strength in this and I just wish something good happens to someone good like you. It's just that I've been coming across so many relationships failing and I just wonder what's up with that.

 

Hope you're feeling all right. Shall wait for your upcoming update. *hugs*

[SmileFace]

Ok so he ended up calling me yesterday. He didn't act as if everything was ok so we did discuss everything .However I think we both need to work on our communication with each other.

 

When he told me that his mom was coming down for the week. I automatically replied stating that I didn't purchase my ticket. I didn't want to impose so I was trying to see what would have worked for him. He then continued to say that she just sprung it on him. I said it was fine and we can choose a different date, he didn't reply. That is when I backed off and he started contacting me less.

 

Anyway so he called me yesterday explaining that he didn't mean to cancel the trip but that is how it came across to me so I put the trip on the back burner and ended up blowing all my ticket money in the last couple of days. He explained how his mom is coming and not staying with him and really wants me to come.

 

However with only a week to the trip ticket prices have sky rocketed.I know he wasn't to happy about his mom coming - basing off of what I know about their relationship but I didn't ask and assumed when he first told me he was only using that to cancel. However I think he got a little discouraged that I didn't express interest in his mom coming or see how it made him feel. Because he went on forever how she is coming and when he asked for the last year she never did. And how can she is even afford a week vacation and yadda yadda. I did automatically assumed it was cancel but I am not cool with meeting someones mother - especially when are not in a declared relationship.

 

We talked about all this last night. We were looking for ticket prices for that week but it is way over my budget and he isn't chipping in so I tried to pick a next date and he said his friends will be down there and the date he choose I can't do. So I told him to choose a date today and we will figure it.

 

Anyway right now its all up in the air. I don't know what to think - its there and not there. I told him how I didn't like the lapse in communication and we discussed that. However the visit part is stressing me out since I don't know what to do. It easier for me to visit and I can afford to with good timing but I don't like the indecisivness. He isn't pushing me to come next week and is just asking but tells me if I can't afford it don't stress myself. I don't know the visit part seems one sided. I am so ready to get up and go see him but he doesn't seem to care to do the same.

 

I am confused however I do like him and want this to work. I really just don't know how. Like we talked for hours last night and stayed up texting until the fell asleep.

[TMichaels]

Why are you the one who's doing all the traveling and footing the whole bill?

 

You went to see him the first time, right? It's his turn. Have you asked/suggested that? If so, what sort of reaction did you get?

 

Best,

TMichaels

[SmileFace]

I didn't go to see him. I went to his city for vacation and I seen him.This trip was planned so soon since my family was going to be in his city so I decided to go see him. It was planned for him to come visit me but I wanted to push the date up.

 

It is easier for me to go see him ,I do make more and I can't host so me footing the bill for a ticket and him driving, hosting, picking me up and paying for activities when I was down there would have evened out. The plan was for me to come down and then he will have made the visit next.

 

I am just trying to be fair in the whole situation and don't ecpect him to pay for me to get there but be more understandable that if I am coming out there I don't need the indecisivness. The trip would have been planned and set if he only told me about his mother and didn't leave me in limbo for those couple of days. I am just really confused to the process. I don't want to feel like I am being naive by flying out to see some guy.

Edited July 14, 2012 by SmileFace

[january2011]

If it were me, I'd try to cut through the cr*p. He either wants you to be there or not. And you either want to be there or not. If you both want it to go ahead, then make it happen, finances lining up and all that.

 

You can still go even if his mother is there. You just have to plan for time on your own doing other things while he is entertaining her.

 

Ask for clarity. Ask him what he wants. And if it aligns with what you want, then go for it.

 

If you get any wishy-washy-I-don't-know-I'm-not-sure, then say that you need clarity. If he doesn't know, then you're not going to make assumptions or guesses on his behalf. I'd then suggest that you tell him to get back to you when he is sure. But I wouldn't hold your breath.

 

Sometimes, circumstances can conspire making it difficult for two people to get together. But there are always ways and means if both people want to make it happen. Otherwise, if both of you are putting up these barriers about why it's not ideal, it suggests that deep down, neither of you really want this.

 

Edit: For what it's worth, this is coming from someone who did fly out to see some guy.

 

Edit2: Sorry Smile - just saw your update in OTT - I think this guy is a write-off.

Edited July 18, 2012 by january2011

[SmileFace]

Sorry I didn't mean to make the "some guy" seem bad. He isn't some guy. However we talked it out and tried to figure out a next date but he kept pussy footing around choosing a next date and I didn't have the money for a ticket on such a close call. We were fine still talking out side of this but we got into a silly text misunderstanding on Saturday and I didn't hear from him since. I sent him a text Sunday trying to clear some things up but that is when I freaked and assumed he blocked me on his mobile but his phone is indeed turned off( as in no service). I have not heard from him since and he has not replied to my facebook message or even made an update. I really don't know if he is ok. We don't have any mutual friends that still resides in his state. Plus he doesn't haven't family down there. I am hoping his family tag him in something on fb while they are on vacation so I can know he is ok but this has went south.

[SmileFace]

From post in OTT

 

The thing is - this doesn't seem like him . I am extremely worried - beside the little mishaps he has been trying to make this work. I really hope he his ok. I don't know what else to think, I really have no way of finding out. I feel horrible. Now if he is - I am done, he would freak if I ever did something like this or went this long without contact. I really don't know what to think. I know where he works and his address. I don't if I should try investigate this more or leave it alone.

[january2011]

Call him at work. If he picks up, I think you have your answer. If he's going to disappear off the face of the earth for a few days, then he's not going to make great LDR material.

 

As awful as it may be to contemplate this, his only "out" in this situation is an emergency - a real "life or death" emergency.

[SmileFace]

Call him at work. If he picks up, I think you have your answer. If he's going to disappear off the face of the earth for a few days, then he's not going to make great LDR material.

Not possible at the company we worked for. However I will try and figure something out if more time passes. Sadly enough that is his only out in this situation. I really hope he is just an ass and is ok.