Did you go from Affair to Life Patners?

[Ducky23]

Reading through some threads on this forum, I have found that some people ended the affair part of the relationship by actually getting into a true relationship, be it marriage or exclusive dating, with their AP. I've always been a curious person, so this piqued my interest naturally.

 

My question is: If you moved from Affair to Relationship/Marriage, how has the Affair part of the relationship affected your actual relationship? Has it been good or bad? And why?

[SoMovinOn]

Reading through some threads on this forum, I have found that some people ended the affair part of the relationship by actually getting into a true relationship, be it marriage or exclusive dating, with their AP. I've always been a curious person, so this piqued my interest naturally.

 

My question is: If you moved from Affair to Relationship/Marriage, how has the Affair part of the relationship affected your actual relationship? Has it been good or bad? And why?

 

I started my A by getting into a true relationship with my AP. It would be impossible to do otherwise.

[Silly_Girl]

The fact the relationship started whilst he was married didn't impact on any aspect of our relationship once he'd cut ties with his wife and I was introduced to all his family and friends as his girlfriend. I think we were lucky because his wife had previously left him for another man and had continued that relationship, to a greater or lesser degree, so the fallout when he confessed, was minimal. All his family knew they hadn't been happy for many years so we experienced no judgement on that score.

[Got it]

Reading through some threads on this forum, I have found that some people ended the affair part of the relationship by actually getting into a true relationship, be it marriage or exclusive dating, with their AP. I've always been a curious person, so this piqued my interest naturally.

 

My question is: If you moved from Affair to Relationship/Marriage, how has the Affair part of the relationship affected your actual relationship? Has it been good or bad? And why?

 

We are moving towards marriage (engaged). How has it impacted our relationship? Well since I only know this one way with him I am not sure how it would have impacted oppose to any other way. I can say that having lived through an EMR and dday, etc. we have learned what things are most important to us in a relationship, how communication, conflict resolution, and energy by both parties into the relationship are vital. I think we have both become much more humble. I have learned how decisions can have major impact on yourself and others. On the positive side I have learned how much I can love someone and how much I can be loved.

 

While the dday was hard, due to his wife's previous affair and lack of relationship with his family I was welcomed with pretty much open arms have a good relationship with them. They have said they can see how happy he is and how unhappy he has been for so long.

 

Good or bad everything is a lesson learned.

[Radagast]

If you moved from Affair to Relationship/Marriage, how has the Affair part of the relationship affected your actual relationship? Has it been good or bad? And why?

 

The affair part has affected our relationship. It allowed us to get to know each other very thoroughly first and to be sure that we wanted to be together before taking that step. We have a wonderful trusting intimacy now that would not have been possible without the affair.

[Got it]

The affair part has affected our relationship. It allowed us to get to know each other very thoroughly first and to be sure that we wanted to be together before taking that step. We have a wonderful trusting intimacy now that would not have been possible without the affair.

 

Yes! My guy says the same thing. We have gone through some stressful times and I think have a better understanding of each other than we ever would have in a different beginning. We have had our ups and downs but we have learned so many things.

 

I think I have said this here before but dMM actively shows me everyday how much he loves me.

[cocorico]

 

My question is: If you moved from Affair to Relationship/Marriage, how has the Affair part of the relationship affected your actual relationship? Has it been good or bad? And why?

 

It has been good. I got to see him up close in a huge range of situations I would not otherwise have had access to. With previous Rs I had often found myself wondering how the person was in their previous Rs, and how that played into how they were with me. In the A I got to see that all in real time.

 

Also, the "safety net" of the A situation allowed the R to develop at its own pace, free from the pressures of outside expectation. There were no suggestions from well-meaning friends or family that "you've been seeing each other for so long, when are you going to take things to their next step?" or, "aren't you rushing things a bit? You've only been seeing each other for so many years?" so we were free to do what felt right for us, as and when it felt right.

 

It also protcted us from having to involve our kids until we felt the R was going to be a keeper, rather than give in to that usual dating pressure from over-eager wannabe SOs who think that the route into your heart / bed/ home/ life is through befriending your kids. We could choose when we wanted to introduce each other to kids, family, friends, colleagues, etc without the subtle pressure of anticipation from the other.

 

But mostly it helped by sounding a very dire warning about just how bad Ms can get if both souses do not love, respect and prioritise each other and the M, and sharpened our minds to make sure that we did things right in our own R so that we didn't fall I to the same toxic abyss that spawned theirs.