Not sure what I'm doing wrong...

[itmol]

Hi, first time poster... Might be long, thank you for reading if you do so.

 

I am a 22 year old male. I haven't had a girlfriend in over 3 years and I don't know what I am doing wrong at this point... I've hooked up with a few girls since then (only had sex with one of them) but nothing really happened from there. I keep getting friendzoned and what not and I just don't even get it. My friends are getting serious with girls that have feelings for them. It used to be the other way around. Maybe I'm trying too hard? I don't know. When I hang out with all my friends, I always manage to keep everyone smiling and entertained. The girls that are with us are always smiling and giving me those googly eyes but most of them have boyfriends so it's useless to do anything from there.

 

Anyways, other than that I mean I'm not very good at getting many girl's numbers but when I do, I try and talk to them and usually either get ignored or little responses. A couple girls always respond, and respond with the quickness but I already know I'm friendzoned since one of them calls me dude and bro and what not. The other one told another girl she would think it's weird if we dated because I'm like her brother (and that makes no sense, I knew her for like a year so wtf?)... I hang out with girls, I pay, I am a gentleman, etc. I just don't know what vibe I'm resonating that turns these girls in the other direction.

 

I'll be descriptive with one encounter so as to give you an idea about the girl that said I am like her brother. She started working where I do and we worked together for about a year or so. She was actually the first one that I pretty much started talking to right away. I went around asking for co worker's numbers because I got a new cell phone and all mine got deleted. She immediately grabbed the paper from my hand and wrote her number down without me even asking. Was I wrong to assume that she was interested and wanted me to talk to her? So I did. We ended up talking and then she threw that "Oh, we work together so I'm not really looking for anything because that could be weird..." Cool, fine. I respected that. I tried hanging out with her anyways so that maybe I could change her mind. I was very respectful, didn't make things awkward, made her smile/laugh and in short we had fun. I hoped by being my fun outgoing self she would see me in a different light, especially since I was respectful. WRONG. I didn't even get a thank you hug after I dropped her off... After that, we talked a lot at work and I felt like we became close. She would tell me a lot of personal stuff that she didn't tell anyone else. Same with me. I tried moving it further, but I still got denied. Then eventually my really good friend (who happens to be a girl I hooked up with a long time ago) told her how good of a guy I am and she should definitely give it a try but then she said I was like her brother... I don't even know.

 

So that's my story. Thanks for reading and any advice on how to approach women, how to ask for her number and where to go from there would be totally appreciated.

[WeAllMightBeNuts]

Don't talk so much.

 

Don't be so available.

 

Be confident.

 

Don't be needy.

 

Super nice means needy and low value.

 

Higher value things are more challenging to get. Not many of people can afford a Ferrari but a lot of people want them even if there is zero logic to owning one.

 

Get it?

[oldshirt]

 

I hang out with girls, I pay, I am a gentleman, etc. I just don't know what vibe I'm resonating that turns these girls in the other direction.

 

 

The vibe you are resonating is that you are a safe, friendly, nonthreatening, asexual girlfriend to them. Women doen't date and have romantic/sexual relationships with their asexual girlfriends. Even lesbians sexualize their relationships....you need to start doing the same.

 

You are entertaining them, giving them laughs, listening to their problems, giving them a shoulder to cry on and you aren't trying to get into their pants.

 

Don't feel bad, that's what society, your mom and a lot of your female 'friends' have told you to do. The problem is if you aren't a tall, handsome, buff, rich guy, that will send you quickly to the friendzone.

 

Stop being an asexual girlfriend.

 

Dress, groom and style yourself in a sexier and more masculine manner. If a gal catches your eye flirt with her, tease her, banter with her and sexualize your presence with her. DON'T try to friend her and pretend to be asexual and try to make her comfortable!!!!!!!!

 

If you are interested in a romantic/sexual relationship with her then for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT! pretend to be asexual and pretend that you aren't interested in her romantically/sexually!!!!! That is disengenuous, deceitfull, manipulative and ultimately unsuccessfull as that is how people immediately get sent straight to the friendzone and once you are in the friendzone it is damned hard to get out.

 

Do not be boarish or crude or disrespectfull and don't try to date rape people but do not hide or disquise your sexuality and your sexual interest. FLIRT with people and good-naturely tease them and banter with them and don't be afraid to make them a little uncomfortable. Comfort and safety are the kiss of death. A little sexual edge and discomfort is stimulating - don't fear it, embrace it.

[oldshirt]

 

A little sexual edge and discomfort is stimulating - don't fear it, embrace it.

 

I'll also add that you will likely get rejected quite a few times right off the bat. That's a good thing. If you start flirting with and teasing someone that has absolutely zero romantic/sexual interest in you, they will reject early on. That's good because then they won't burn up any more of you time while you try to impress them by being their dancing monkey or their man-bitch or asexual girlfriend with a shoulder to cry on. they'll just walk away leaving you time to move on to the next one.

 

The good news if you do this, one of them will stick. If you keep being some gals man-bitch then you just get bogged down and look pathetic and will make no forward progress at all.

[itmol]

I get what you're saying. Makes sense. I think that I just think it's stupid how guys get friendzoned so easily. All girls do is complain about how they wish there were more nice guys out there and how they wish they could find a nice guy and then when they finally do, right to the friendzone I go. Just another stupid game all these girls play. But anyways, thanks a lot for the advice. I'll give it go and see where things go from there.