savannah86 Posted June 28, 2012 Share Posted June 28, 2012 I already know the easy answer - "Because if you trust him, you shouldn't need to." But Dan Savage and a lot of other relationship experts say that YOU'RE bad if you go through his phone/email/Facebook. He is frequently on my phone (we don't have Internet at our apartment. I have a smartphone, so we share it.) He knows all my passwords. And my email, texts, and social networking is all out there. But I'm getting off topic. Specifically, WHY is it bad to look through someone else's texts? Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted June 28, 2012 Share Posted June 28, 2012 look thru the goddam phone, yes, some say no, but i say all's fair in love and war 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author savannah86 Posted June 28, 2012 Author Share Posted June 28, 2012 Well it's not so much that I do or don't. I'm more concerned with why it makes me a bad person if I do. Link to post Share on other sites
Robert P Posted June 28, 2012 Share Posted June 28, 2012 Well it's not so much that I do or don't. I'm more concerned with why it makes me a bad person if I do. It doesn't. Worst scenario: if he finds out, he can hate you and break up with you. Other than this, good and bad are just vague concepts. Who cares about them? Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted June 28, 2012 Share Posted June 28, 2012 Its kind of a double edge sword really. If a SO wanted to look through my phone, I'd tell her to have at it as I have nothing to hide. But that wouldn't stop me from being turned off by her suspicious character. Now if one has good reason to suspect something is up, thats a different story, but they better be right about their hunch. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted June 28, 2012 Share Posted June 28, 2012 Specifically, WHY is it bad to look through someone else's texts? Because every person has a right to privacy and some things that are just theirs. And because it shows a lack of trust in your partner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
YellowShark Posted June 28, 2012 Share Posted June 28, 2012 A person with nothing to hide, hides nothing. If I am in an committed, exclusive relationship then I would toss her my phone in an instant. Without question. She is supposed to have my back, and I want to prove to her that I have hers. So go ahead, here's my phone. Nothing to hide. That's what love is. If they don't toss you their phone, and you're in a long-term committed relationship, red flag. IMHO. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
WonderKid Posted June 29, 2012 Share Posted June 29, 2012 Well if my girl looks all through my phone, then I should be able to look through hers. BUT! In the beginning of the dating world I wouldn't even ask to do it. Because we are in the beginning stages, and I know she already has numbers of other guys in there just in case our thing doesn't work. Now when we get serious about a relationship, then yeah I will cut all my sideline girls and she should do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author savannah86 Posted June 29, 2012 Author Share Posted June 29, 2012 We've been in a relationship for 2 years and live together. I have some serious trust issues that I have been trying to work through. My dad cheated on my mom for 20 years. My past boyfriend before him was constantly on dating/hookup sites. I've caught my current guy about a year ago sending a text to a girl to hook up. He said he did it because he wasn't feeling wanted. I understand that. We worked through it. But I looked through his FB and found him chatting with a girl and she asked about his last relationship... He described it in a way that sounded like our current relationship... Only it was in a past tense. When I confronted him about it he was very upset about the invasion of his privacy and said he was talking about someone else, not me. But it's not adding up. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowShark Posted June 29, 2012 Share Posted June 29, 2012 If you've been together 2 years and live together... And he won't show you his phone... I would say red flag. When I was with my last girlfriend as soon as she started to guard her phone it was when she was being unfaithful. Since the same phenomenon happened twice, and she was unfaithful twice, I recognized that guarding her phone meant there was crap on it she didn't want me to see. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Link to post Share on other sites
nocontactsummer Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Savannah86, hmmm. Well I checked my boyfriend's phone for the first time ever a year ago (after three years together) and did NOT like what I found. I then checked his computer and found Facebook conversations very much like the one you found. He has given me every excuse in the book, but he has just never stopped. Plus it planted this little worm of suspicion in my head. We have now pretty much broken up, but it was because he couldn't live with my spying on him as much as I couldn't live with his behaviour. I do regret ever looking at his phone and wish I could've remained in blissful ignorance. But I did. I shouldn't have done it. I regret the invasion of privacy, and I see how unbearable that must have been for him. On the other hand, he was messaging other girls left right and center. I would say you need to get stern with your boyfriend now. Lay down the law and stick to it. I should have done that sooner. Link to post Share on other sites
Stillgrowing Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 I have been married just short of forever and I know that with kids, spouse, and an underwear eating dog, I'm feeling like I have very little that is just mine. I have nothing to hide yet I do have a desire to keep my phone/computer info just mine. I share my bedroom, my bed, my blankets, food off my plate, my bathroom. The worst my phone/emails say is that my dh is driving me crazy (situationally) and he could see that. I'm sure after 23 years I drive him bats**** and wouldn't fault him for texting that to a friend. Sg Link to post Share on other sites
LittlePrince Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 How else can he cheat in peace? Link to post Share on other sites
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