Author AllieKat Posted September 17, 2012 Author Share Posted September 17, 2012 Just posting this cause it helps get it off my mind. H just texted me to tell me 2 things: that the unknown number that keeps calling our cell is some credit place. The other thing is about his latest project on my car which is changing valve stems. He wanted me to know he may have figured out why tpms light keeps coming on. Something like that? Ok really is it just me or is he just trying to find reasons to text me? I dunno but this is strange stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AllieKat Posted September 17, 2012 Author Share Posted September 17, 2012 Hubby came and asked me if iwould be home for a bit tonight, i said yeah im not going anywhere. I had gathered up trash and hubby took it out for me. I noticed as i was making dinner he had gone to store and got some groceries and even picked up some snacks that Dd likes. I like typing this on here because its noted then and i can look back at stuff plus i get some feedback too and thats appreciated! Im probably annoying... Lol Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 Hubby came and asked me if iwould be home for a bit tonight, i said yeah im not going anywhere. I had gathered up trash and hubby took it out for me. I noticed as i was making dinner he had gone to store and got some groceries and even picked up some snacks that Dd likes. I like typing this on here because its noted then and i can look back at stuff plus i get some feedback too and thats appreciated! Im probably annoying... Lol It's your thread Allie, post your grocery list if you think it would help LOL. So why did he ask if you were going anywhere? I do think he likes having interaction with you still and he uses repairs to the car as a way to do that. I'm also noting the corresponding upswing from his last effort at pushing away.... just like clockwork! TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author AllieKat Posted September 18, 2012 Author Share Posted September 18, 2012 (edited) He asked because he was replacing valve stems on my car and had to take tires off so it took a anout 2 hours. Yesterday was a decent day so today should be quiet as history has shown. After he got car done we talked for about 20 mins! He seems to be dragging feet on bankruptcy could be cause i want to do it. I asked him if he could show me how to change a tire because i need to know how to do these things myself and he just looked at me dumbfounded he didnt really answer but i do need to learn. He was goung to football a little late and said hed like to let my car sit for a bit but if i needed to drive it go ahead. I said no ill let it sit but i need cat food at store he said hed grab it so when he came home he brought cat food and came in put it away and actually fed cats. I just said thx! In fact i thanked him a lot yesterday. So all in all better day. My house plant talked.... Lol Oh yeah and when i got in car today i saw he filled it up with gas for me. He took it to get air last night and must of seen i was getting low. Edited September 18, 2012 by AllieKat Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 I asked him if he could show me how to change a tire because i need to know how to do these things myself and he just looked at me dumbfounded he didnt really answer but i do need to learn. What was your take on this? TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author AllieKat Posted September 18, 2012 Author Share Posted September 18, 2012 I think he was not expecting that at all. Im a girly girl Im not ususlly the type that will turn a wrench so I think I threw him for a loop. And besides quite honestly I should learn. I think hes seeing a different side of me and it confuses him. Truth be told Ive always been a try anything type and ive always offered to help when he works on the cars. Thats just who i am. He never let me though because i think he liked being my go to guy. Even with cheerleading i was looking for a person to mix my music for a dance routine and he spent the whole day figuring out how to do it so he could do it for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AllieKat Posted September 18, 2012 Author Share Posted September 18, 2012 Thx coop- the miusic mixing was before we had our fight but i think your right on him. Seems more i stop pestering the better Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 I think he was not expecting that at all. Im a girly girl Im not ususlly the type that will turn a wrench so I think I threw him for a loop. And besides quite honestly I should learn. I think hes seeing a different side of me and it confuses him. Truth be told Ive always been a try anything type and ive always offered to help when he works on the cars. Thats just who i am. He never let me though because i think he liked being my go to guy. Even with cheerleading i was looking for a person to mix my music for a dance routine and he spent the whole day figuring out how to do it so he could do it for me. Almost anything out of the norm is going to be good and you saying that you would need to learn how to take care of those things makes the impending D real for him. Thats exactly what you want. Up to this point, the D has been his trump card whenever things got too close for comfort for him, a move that shows that your preparing yourself for (and accepting) the possibility of life without him is going to not only take that away, but make him sense the same reality. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author AllieKat Posted September 18, 2012 Author Share Posted September 18, 2012 I hope so Tojaz- i worry causd like today we havent had any interaction. I saw he gased up my car so i sent him a simply " thank you for putting gas innthe car" and he didnt respond, when i came home from work he didnt say anything so i just figured the "plant " was quiet and continued on my merry way! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 I hope so Tojaz- i worry causd like today we havent had any interaction. I saw he gased up my car so i sent him a simply " thank you for putting gas innthe car" and he didnt respond, when i came home from work he didnt say anything so i just figured the "plant " was quiet and continued on my merry way! When its a good plant.... water it, when its a bad plant...ignore it. Good for you Allie. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author AllieKat Posted September 19, 2012 Author Share Posted September 19, 2012 Im still really strggling inside. I just cant understand if he still loves me WHY he just doesnt make up with me. On the flip side I dont get if he wants a DIVORCE why he stays! When you think of either he just isnt showing definate favor toward either. If i had to write it down though he shows more signs of wanting out then of anything. Keeping this to myself though. I will NOT let him see me sad, down, confused or questioning.... Holding strong at least on the outside Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 Im still really strggling inside. I just cant understand if he still loves me WHY he just doesnt make up with me. On the flip side I dont get if he wants a DIVORCE why he stays! When you think of either he just isnt showing definate favor toward either. If i had to write it down though he shows more signs of wanting out then of anything. Keeping this to myself though. I will NOT let him see me sad, down, confused or questioning.... Holding strong at least on the outside Allie, I've said it before and I'll say it again. You are most likely asking questions about him that even he can't answer for himself. You have enough to cope with without trying to interpret his actions. Deal with what you can and let the rest play on is all you can do. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author AllieKat Posted September 19, 2012 Author Share Posted September 19, 2012 I know I just cant help but wonder. I sure do wish there was a crystal ball!! I worry so much about the holidays. Then i get mad cause i think if hes staying cause of money well he can go cause Its not my responsibilty to be stuck in a home with someone who doesnt care for me just cause he cant afford to go. If your going to want out of a marriage yoy need to GO regardless. Thats my angry rant for tonight Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 Rant away Allie, I think you've earned it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AllieKat Posted September 19, 2012 Author Share Posted September 19, 2012 If nothing else today I will be aware that in the last 12 days we have made progress!! Patience patience patience!! Link to post Share on other sites
riverratt Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 Great. Progress is good. I wish I had a crystal ball a few months ago, myself. Of coarse, where I was at, I probably would have dropped the thing and broke it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AllieKat Posted September 19, 2012 Author Share Posted September 19, 2012 Ugh my roomate/ houseplant stinks!!! Today its back to throwing my dry clothes from dryer in a pile on bed! Lucky me! I wonder really how long can i put up with this? Did i ever really have progress with him or was it just me reading to much into a few nice gestures which probanly meant **** to him. Im close to cracking today and ripping into him. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 If nothing else today I will be aware that in the last 12 days we have made progress!! Patience patience patience!! See above ^^^^^ Remember, not every single day is going to be a sweeping action for progress. So, he took your clothes out of the dryer and put them on the bed, heck, I'm grateful if someone takes the clothes out of the dryer period. Obviously something else must have happened for it to affect you so much from your positive place less than 11 hours ago?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AllieKat Posted September 19, 2012 Author Share Posted September 19, 2012 See above ^^^^^ Remember, not every single day is going to be a sweeping action for progress. So, he took your clothes out of the dryer and put them on the bed, heck, I'm grateful if someone takes the clothes out of the dryer period. Obviously something else must have happened for it to affect you so much from your positive place less than 11 hours ago?? He worked late and i think he did that so he didnt have to come home! On top of that hes not talking again so that drives me crazy and that makes me type better then going off on him. I know i should chill its hard sometimes like tonight Btw nice to see you Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted September 20, 2012 Share Posted September 20, 2012 He worked late and i think he did that so he didnt have to come home! On top of that hes not talking again so that drives me crazy and that makes me type better then going off on him. I know i should chill its hard sometimes like tonight Btw nice to see you Thanks, son is doing better and goes back to school next week. Don't think he is going to want to take the pavement head first again, couple of plates for a fractured skull....never broken a bone in his life...and the first one he does would have to be his head....sigh. I'm thankful he's mending and no more serious issues. It's good that you write it out here and, as frustrated as you feel, you don't let him see it. Business as usual. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AllieKat Posted September 20, 2012 Author Share Posted September 20, 2012 AK, i`m with you so much on what you are going through I understand. ( ok i`m crying now writing this so if the words get wrongg, all of you will undestan) you CANT make him love you, no matter what you do, and the more you try, the more it hurts, Best thing , for you is to let go, I know I cant and it does hurt! Im having a hard time with waiting this out!! Im so confused snd yet in my gut I still think it cares a little but its not enough to think I need him to show me more! Link to post Share on other sites
Author AllieKat Posted September 20, 2012 Author Share Posted September 20, 2012 Thanks, son is doing better and goes back to school next week. Don't think he is going to want to take the pavement head first again, couple of plates for a fractured skull....never broken a bone in his life...and the first one he does would have to be his head....sigh. I'm thankful he's mending and no more serious issues. It's good that you write it out here and, as frustrated as you feel, you don't let him see it. Business as usual. Poor guy! Glad hes better! Ive been thinking about you and hoping he was going to be ok!! Nice to hear good news! I missed your posts!!! Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted September 20, 2012 Share Posted September 20, 2012 Thanks hun...I've been reading to stay up on your posts, hoping that you and DD are out and about in the house tonight if he's there. Don't forget the positive progress you have made, see what tomorrow brings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AllieKat Posted September 20, 2012 Author Share Posted September 20, 2012 We are weve given the hiding up!! Doesnt seem To phase him but im still not giving up and im still biting lip. It just gets hard so i vent on here when its really hard. It helps me so much from going off on him, seems once i get it off my mind im better. :-) Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted September 20, 2012 Share Posted September 20, 2012 We are weve given the hiding up!! Doesnt seem To phase him but im still not giving up and im still biting lip. It just gets hard so i vent on here when its really hard. It helps me so much from going off on him, seems once i get it off my mind im better. :-) Non of what your doing, is to illicit an effect on him Allie. Its to help you, let you grow, get stronger, come out from the dark cloud. If your doing these things and looking for an effect on him, your missing the point. Flipside? You growing and emerging from the cloud.... now that will create an effect, and it has. When its for his benefit, he shrinks back into the hole, when you do something for your benefit, he stands up and takes notice. Remove him from the equation... House plant, not just in what you show him, live it. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
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