My marriage is on the rocks

[goodperson]

My husband is no longer in love with me. We have been married for 6 years and have a 2 year old daughter. About a year ago, I did notice a change in his behavior but did not think anything of it. About 6 months ago, I really started to pay attention and approached him on my concerns. He basically tells me he loves me, but is not in love with me anymore. He is not interested in counseling and says he just needs some time away to think. I am in agreement with it, and he has left two times but always comes back after a day. He tells me he comes back because of our daughter. We no longer sleep in the same bed anymore (it has been about 2 months now). Any time I try to get affectionate, e.g. a hug, holding hands, a kiss, he makes it very clear that he is not interested and tells me he needs time. I feel I have given him plenty of time and now I am at the point I want some resolution. The last time we tried to talk, it turned violent. He said some very, very, hurtful things and I attacked him physically. All this was in front of my daughter and I do not want this to happen anymore. I am not a violent person, but I am really at the end of my rope. It is not fair to my daughter to witness all of this nor is it fair for me to go through this emotional rollercoaster. I could easily leave him or kick him out, but I do not want to do that. I want to work things out, as I am still very much in love with him.

 

I do not think he is having an affair. He has not given me any reason to be suspicious. So I do not think it is another woman. I wish it was that easy. Does anyone have any suggestions for me?? Thanks.

[StartingAgain]

This is garbage. The stuff of romance novels. Either he loves you or he doesn't. What someone says when they make this statement is "I no longer feel that early stage romantic love as strongly as I once did and I'm not mature enough to understand that this is the way it is supposed to be." No reasonable person can think that after six years of marriage, he's going to feel the same way about his wife as he did ine day one. The love a man and woman have for one another after they've been together is different. There are still times when you feel that intense romantic love, but that kind of love is not sustainable. Unfortunately some people mistakenly believe it is.

 

but you can't live this way. If he won't work with you, the marriage is over. He has already emotionally divorced you. Time to give him an ultimatum. Either go into marital therapy and get to work on saving this marriage or get the hell out. You can't live this way. It will make you nuts.

 

You've set it up so he has nothing to loose. He can walk out, stay gone a day and come waltzing back in for the sake of your daughter. But he has a responsibility to his wife as well and what he's doing to you is wrong. No he has to commit to reconciling and working with you to build a better marriage, or he has to cut you loose so that you can get over the loss and find yourself someone who will love you the way he should. but you know what? He doesn't get to fence sit on this. You get to make the decision for him if he refuses.

 

I'm a man and I say your husband if screwing up in a major way. He won't realize what he's given up until it is gone and all these pathetic little excuses he's giving himself right now will seem so ridiculous. But then it'll be too late. Let him read my post. Time to grow up and be a man!

[Samson]

He said some very, very, hurtful things and I attacked him physically. All this was in front of my daughter and I do not want this to happen anymore.

 

So, leave.

 

A lot of marriage councellors will gladly take your money and tell you this is salvageable. Go ahead an try, but the odds of it working make investing the same amount in lottery tickets much more attractive.

 

Or stay and simply try to control the situation so your daughter isn't involved: Right. (not!). Impossible, but this is what he's trying to do. He hasn't walked out the door and not returned.

 

What is your urgency here? Why not suffer a year or two with him. You gottanother roomate lined up yet? Hey, better get on it!After all, your daughter will be a little older, perhaps making escape easier.

 

I'm curious, what was the initial "change in behavior you noticed?" Did anything preceed it, or did this change just appear without any reason that you know about?

[meanon]

He has clearly told you that he is not in love with you. He wants to stay despite that, can you live with it? If not then I agree it is time for an ultimatum, he either works with you to try and find a way to salvage the marriage or he leaves for good. I'm so sorry but I can't see what other options you have. Good luck.