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Would you give up porn if your loved one asked?

BetheButterfly

By BetheButterfly,
in General Relationship Discussion

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Robert Z

Robert Z

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As for giving up porn if my SO asked, first rule of life applies - everything is negotiable. If it really meant a lot to her, fine, but she would have to be available for sex whenever I want. And she would have to get into it a bit - no dead fish.

 

Now if she isn't willing to do that for me, why should I give up porn for her? I would really like an answer to that question. Why is this a one-way street? Why do women's needs matter, but not men's.

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LondonBridges

LondonBridges

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I don't think men who use porn regularly CAN give it up. I think men have grown to rely on it AND feel it's their God-given right to watch it if they want to... that nobody should have any issue with what they do in "their" alone time. I have always thought that was a weak excuse - if I did meth in my alone time would that not effect my intimate relationships? The impact of porn use sure can have an impact that seeps into other areas of the relationship with their SO, but I suspect most avid porn-defenders out there would rather live in denial with their porn than embrace the fact that their relationship might just improve if they gave it up. This is very sad to me.

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Robert Z

Robert Z

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I don't think men who use porn regularly CAN give it up. I think men have grown to rely on it AND feel it's their God-given right to watch it if they want to... that nobody should have any issue with what they do in "their" alone time. I have always thought that was a weak excuse - if I did meth in my alone time would that not effect my intimate relationships? The impact of porn use sure can have an impact that seeps into other areas of the relationship with their SO, but I suspect most avid porn-defenders out there would rather live in denial with their porn than embrace the fact that their relationship might just improve if they gave it up. This is very sad to me.

 

How about this one. You had a serious drug addiction and are now projecting your problems and behavior onto others?

 

Correction, you said if. Do you equate meth use to masturbation as well? Is that just another addiction?

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LondonBridges

LondonBridges

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How about this one. You had a serious drug addiction and are now projecting your problems and behavior onto others?

 

Correction, you said if. Do you equate meth use to masturbation as well? Is that just another addiction?

 

It's an example of how what one does in their alone time CAN still have an impact on intimate relationships. Having been done "while alone" doesn't necessarily mean there are no natural consequences. I don't equate meth use to masturbation; I don't even equate it to porn use per say, but there are some similarities, addiction being one of them. Some men DO have an addiction to porn, not all.. some. Masturbation is natural, porn is not.

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Disenchantedly Yours

Disenchantedly Yours

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Robert Z

Again, why? He didn't say he has a dirty wife. He said he wishes he had a dirty wife. If he had something something like my wife gives great bjs, I could understand.

 

Is it just a matter of going public with something you think is private, even if intended as a joke?

 

Yes, I believe it's the fact of sharing something that should be between a couple. I don't see much difference in telling the whole world your wife gives great bjs and telling the whole world you wish your wife was more dirty. Kind of seems like an invasion of her privacy with her sex life with her husband. now if he was actually doing something constructive like going to talk to a professional sex or mental health therapist and talked about that issue, that's different.

 

 

I think you forgot that the wife [apparently the wife] was driving. So either she knew it was there or she was set up. If she did know about it, it wouldn't have taken a but a moment to wipe it off.

 

I doubt she knew it was there. And it might not have even been about the actual woman driving the car. Someone could have walked by that car and put that on the car. To me, it's still a degrading thing to announce to the world. Kind of like when a wife makes fun of her husband being inept at something infront of her girlfriends. I think that's a degrading thing to do to a man. Even if it's not being done infront of him.

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Disenchantedly Yours

Disenchantedly Yours

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As for giving up porn if my SO asked, first rule of life applies - everything is negotiable. If it really meant a lot to her, fine, but she would have to be available for sex whenever I want. And she would have to get into it a bit - no dead fish.

 

Now if she isn't willing to do that for me, why should I give up porn for her? I would really like an answer to that question. Why is this a one-way street? Why do women's needs matter, but not men's.

 

I think it's unreasonable to make you giving up porn only contingent on her having sex with you everytime *you* want. I certainly think she should be willing to have sex with you more then not. But to place the expectation on a human being to be there whenever you feel a sexual desire seems like treating that person more like a a sex toy. To me, if a woman puts in the effort to keep sex exciting and is willing to do some new things and is making an effort to have sex more times then she is declining, I think that's reasonable to asking your man to meet you half way and leave the porn off if you are working with him to meet most of his needs most of the time. I haver never said it was a one way street and we've talked about this before where I said that I've had sex at times I didn't always feel like it because I wanted to be giving to my partner. It's not always about doing what *you* feel like doing. And if you are making your partner your outlet for all your feelings on the basis that simply becaue you "feel" something, you need to act on that, that isn't right. What should happen is that sometimes she will need to be more open to sex even if she isn't always feeling it and the man should pratice a little more self control and not just think that every little fleeting sexual whim or desire he may have needs to be catered to as soon as he feels it. If I lived my life like you are suggesting a man needs to live his to be sexually statisifed, I wouldn't do have the things I need to do to keep my life straight. I wouldn't go the gym, I would eat fast food, I would eat ice cream if I was to satisfy the cravings I had more then if I practiced a litle self control. ANd I don't ask a man be perfect. I just want some self control and that is something I see very much lacking from men today when it comes to sex and porn. The availibity of porn has made it seem to men that they can't live without porn. Now some people are okay with otheres fullfilling every little whim and desire they have the second they have it. But since that's not how I live my life, my expectation is taht my guy not live that kind of life either. I don't want to be with a man controlled by his lust. I want a man who is in control of it.

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Disenchantedly Yours

Disenchantedly Yours

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I don't think men who use porn regularly CAN give it up. I think men have grown to rely on it AND feel it's their God-given right to watch it if they want to... that nobody should have any issue with what they do in "their" alone time. I have always thought that was a weak excuse - if I did meth in my alone time would that not effect my intimate relationships? The impact of porn use sure can have an impact that seeps into other areas of the relationship with their SO, but I suspect most avid porn-defenders out there would rather live in denial with their porn than embrace the fact that their relationship might just improve if they gave it up. This is very sad to me.

 

LondonBridges, I'm in agreement with you here. Good points.

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123321

123321

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I think it's unreasonable to make you giving up porn only contingent on her having sex with you everytime *you* want. I certainly think she should be willing to have sex with you more then not.

 

Having sex more then not is *precisely* what happened with my ex-wife. In the beginning it was fine but then very soon, in a few weeks, we were not having much sex at all.

 

How is that a good thing?

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Disenchantedly Yours

Disenchantedly Yours

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Having sex more then not is *precisely* what happened with my ex-wife. In the beginning it was fine but then very soon, in a few weeks, we were not having much sex at all.

 

How is that a good thing?

 

Where did I say having not much sex was a good thing?

 

I totally get a man being frustrated if his partner isn't putting in an effort with him sexually.

 

Did you and your ex wife divorce because of sex?

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Mme. Chaucer

Mme. Chaucer

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As for giving up porn if my SO asked, first rule of life applies - everything is negotiable. If it really meant a lot to her, fine, but she would have to be available for sex whenever I want. And she would have to get into it a bit - no dead fish.

 

 

So if you were my husband, and if I weighed 350 pounds and you asked me to lose weight, and I agreed -

 

but the condition would be that you would have to be available to do any housework or chores anytime I asked,

 

you'd go for it??

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