What percent of lies are caught?

[joe44b]

My wife lies to me. Most of the lies that I catch are small, insignificant things. Prior to our getting married 10 years ago I thought I made my position clear. She had been lying to me while we were dating, and I told her that if we were going to get married she had to be open and honest with me.

 

I'm not a person with a bad temper that gets upset with every little thing, so I really don't understand the necessity of lying.

 

The latest lie was that she had paid a medical bill on a specific day. I had asked her about it several days prior, and one evening I asked her if she had paid it. She said "Yes, she paid it that day by phone". I asked "Did you get a confirmation number". She said "It's at the office".

 

I know her email password, so I looked at her email and there was no confirmation, and the money wasn't withdrawn from our bank account. The next day I checked and there was an email and the money came out of the bank. I said "I see you paid xxx today". She said "No I paid it yesterday, they don't post the same day it's paid".

 

A couple of weeks later she had another bill from the same clinic, so I decided I would pay it over the phone just to test. I got an email confirmation instantly and it came out of the bank account instantly.

 

Prior to that I found that she had taken a loan from her 401K to pay some legal bills for her daughter. I asked her about it and she denied getting the loan and said that her other daughter paid the legal bills. What she doesn't know, is that I opened the mail and saw the documentation, so I know she got a loan of at least $1,600.

 

There have been many similar instances over the years.

 

The thing I wonder is what percentage of these lies am I catching, and what percentage does she get away with? I've got to the point where I don't believe anything she tells me anymore.

[KungFuJoe]

This can vary from "better communication skills" to "absolute deal breaker".

 

So far you've given two financial examples. For most couples, finances are a stress point, and depending on your situation, she might have lied to keep you off her back...maybe she DID forget but didn't want you coming down on her about it and figured she'd just lie to hold you off, then deal with it later. It's still never good to lie, but it's helluva lot different than what I consider to be deal breakers:

 

1) Lying about things she does with other people (i.e. said she was going out with a girlfriend to see a movie, you find out later she went to a bar and got drunk).

2) Lying over trivial items (i.e. chronic or compulsive lying where there is no real motive behind it)

 

What else is she lying about?