If a woman hits a man, is it the man's fault?

[M30USA]

It's been 5 months into my separation and what bothers me more than anything is that my STBXW still believes that her assault on me (leading to her arrest) was either caused by my provocation or is "both" of our faults. She downright refuses to take full accountibility for it. She has refused to apologize. Even when the prosecutor called me I made it clear that I hadn't received an apology yet, and he surely relayed this to my STBXF, yet she still won't apologize. It's just beyond me. Some people just never see their own faults.

 

So here's my question: even if I called her names and got angry with her, can that possible justify her assaulting me? She CLEARLY believes it was justified. That's the thing. The reason she doesn't apologize is not that she refuses out of stubborness, but rather that she doesn't even believe she did anything unjustified! And if that's the case, then reconciling with her would certainly result in her assaulting me again. It's a logical certainty.

[KR10N]

A man should never hit a woman. A woman should never hit a man. It's wrong either way unless out of an act of self defense.

 

Sticks and stones.

[bentnotbroken]

No it is not his fault if she strikes him. Never take abuse..physical, emotional or mental. Those are her actions to own. And being arrested is the consequence of those actions. She needs to be held fully accountable. My question would be if she is repulsive enough to call names, why isn't she repulsive enough to walk away from?

 

Reconciliation will more than likely result in her assaulting you again especially if she believes that the names you call her give her provocation. Do you think you did anything wrong...just curious?

[fucpcg]

She clearly thinks it's justified, you clearly don't. Neither one wants to talk about their own actions apparently. No your behaviour is not justified, calling her names, yet all you focus on his her behaviour. If you were a healthy man, you would not have responded to the fighting with name calling, etc. The person with the most maturity always has the most responsibility. If it wasn't her, it should have been you. If it was neither one of you, then you should be worried about your performance, not her apology.

[M30USA]

She clearly thinks it's justified, you clearly don't. Neither one wants to talk about their own actions apparently. No your behaviour is not justified, calling her names, yet all you focus on his her behaviour. If you were a healthy man, you would not have responded to the fighting with name calling, etc. The person with the most maturity always has the most responsibility. If it wasn't her, it should have been you. If it was neither one of you, then you should be worried about your performance, not her apology.

 

I've talked about my own actions. Even in court I admitted to calling her names, etc. She flat out DENIED in a court of law ever hitting me. What a joke. Turns out that family court doesn't prosecute perjury because she later admitted to it as a requirement to getting the charge dismissed. Her lawyer in court even asked me if I take responsibility for what I've done to make the marriage bad. I replied, yes, I'm human and I've made mistakes, but the problem here is that our mistakes are so incredibly out of proportion...I do things wrong, sure, but she takes them to ridiculous and even illegal levels. If I do something on a scale of 2 out of 10, she comes back with something a 9 or 10. Totally imbalanced. And to expect me to say, yes, I'm responsible for the marriage going south is to incorrectly assume that our marriage was equal fault. It wasn't. It was so imbalanced it was ridiculous.

[fucpcg]

Yes but do yourself a favor and worry about you. Last Friday, I was at an AL Anon meeting, and drifted off a bit on some really ****ty events that had happened recently with my ex. A guy there stopped me, and reminded me those meetings are not for venting about an ex, they are not for feeling pity for what we went thru, it is about us moving past a horrible and painful episode in our life, and to feel happy and healthy regardless of what our former partners are doing or have done. He checked me, and it was exactly what I needed at the time. I'm just trying to offer you the same.

[somedude81]

"Your honor, she called me a mother F er that had a baby penis and she faked every time, so I gave her a black eye. My actions were completely justified."

 

Any chance a reason like that would work?

 

Then why should it work for a woman?

[carhill]

I was reading another thread where a woman advise her husband of her intent to divorce him, whereupon he, while in the same room, threw and broke a vase as well as punched a hole in the wall. In my jurisdiction, such acts of violence in the presence of another can be considered to be assault. Had she whacked him with a frying pan if feeling threatened by his actions, she could be charged with battery and the judge would sort out the self-defense/threat angle.

 

Words can be threats too, and considered assault. Say 'gun' and 'president' in the wrong place and see how it goes. Same with domestic situations. It's not black and white.

[M30USA]

"Your honor, she called me a mother F er that had a baby penis and she faked every time, so I gave her a black eye. My actions were completely justified."

 

Any chance a reason like that would work?

 

Then why should it work for a woman?

 

THANK YOU! Finally a person with discernment who can see past the cultural blindfolds.

 

To see it in any other way is to put women on the same level as children--completely unaccountable for what they do. We all know adult women are not children so stop treating them like children. Demand equal accountability. That's our country's motto, right? "With liberty and justice for ALL". Not for men, not for whites, not for Christians...FOR ALL.

Edited July 8, 2012 by M30USA

[fucpcg]

My ex accuses me nonstop of being a crazy, psychotic, abusive boyfriend that she had to escape from, ever since she dumped me. She has made up horror stories about me, she has told them to her family, her children, her friends, she has tried to convince my friends that these things really happened. She tells random acquaintances these stories. She tells people she needs to file Protection From Abuse against me even though she hasn't seen me near her house, her work, or her children from the moment she dumped me. She goes out on drinking binges every weekend and tells people she is doing it to "recover" from the hell I put her thru. She has slandered me every single way possible.

 

I love this girl, I love her children, I love her family. I am soo saddened that she has taken this route with me, with our relationship, with the relationship I once had with her children. I wonder what she went thru in life to have got so bitter and nasty. I once loved her, I still do, I just know I must do it thru a distance. We are all a product, and a sum of our life experiences. Although there were times I was the world's best boyfriend to her, I look back and see so many things that I did that I am not happy about. I didn't do anything like she described, those are more her vocalizing things that she went thru in previous relationships that she felt glad to dump on my lap.

 

She can say, do, accuse me of anything she likes. My job is to worry about me, my faults and weaknesses. I love this woman, and feel bad she is in such a dark place in her life.

[M30USA]

My ex accuses me nonstop of being a crazy, psychotic, abusive boyfriend that she had to escape from, ever since she dumped me. She has made up horror stories about me, she has told them to her family, her children, her friends, she has tried to convince my friends that these things really happened. She tells random acquaintances these stories. She tells people she needs to file Protection From Abuse against me even though she hasn't seen me near her house, her work, or her children from the moment she dumped me. She goes out on drinking binges every weekend and tells people she is doing it to "recover" from the hell I put her thru. She has slandered me every single way possible.

 

I love this girl, I love her children, I love her family. I am soo saddened that she has taken this route with me, with our relationship, with the relationship I once had with her children. I wonder what she went thru in life to have got so bitter and nasty. I once loved her, I still do, I just know I must do it thru a distance. We are all a product, and a sum of our life experiences. Although there were times I was the world's best boyfriend to her, I look back and see so many things that I did that I am not happy about. I didn't do anything like she described, those are more her vocalizing things that she went thru in previous relationships that she felt glad to dump on my lap.

 

She can say, do, accuse me of anything she likes. My job is to worry about me, my faults and weaknesses. I love this woman, and feel bad she is in such a dark place in her life.

 

No offense, but your perspective seems unhealthy. You are too understanding and that, in turn, will make it even less likely that she will change. People only change when they literally get thrown out on the curb or really get harshly dealth with in life. When people are unconditionally loved, why would they change? They're getting everything they want without having to behave well. Humans are selfish at the core. You need to realize that. Any person, given the opportunity, will take advantage of a situation. The only way this doesn't happen is if this selfish trait was stamped out from an early, early age by disciplining parents. Or it can happen later in life by experiencing hardship and suffering for one's own selfish actions.