2sunny Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Tell your H that you think the OM is your soulmate. He has the right to make an informed decision knowing full well you love the OM like you'll never love him (H). And stop trying to roadblock his happiness - if he now has found a gal that cares for him - enough to NOT disrespect him - divorce him so HE can find the happiness HE DESERVES - mainly because it's obvious you aren't planning to love him like he deserves. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Here's a question: how did you answer it when your husband asked you whether you would stay with the OM if you guys don't reconcile the marriage? (Or how will you answer it when he asks?) The reason I ask this is that whenever you talk about stopping the affair, it always comes out in the same, carefully crafted language: I guess I'll never know though since I DO fully intend to end things with OM.. ...this is also irrelevant, as I fully intend to end the relationship. In fact, as already stated MANY times, I DO intend to end things with OM IN FAVOUR of reconciling with THEIR father... You know what an "intent" is? It's a tendency, a plan that is subject to change based on circumstances. So do you "intend" to end the affair if your husband chooses to reconcile with you? And if he doesn't, will you stay with your soulmate? Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 So now that you've had your fun with another man, you get to rise to the challenge of Getting Your Husband back -- all good stuff to keep you busy and entertained, anything to stop from becoming bored. Let me tell you what I think will happen -- your husband will want to take you back ONLY for the kid's sake... now he knows that he is still attractive to other women out there (boy he found a nice woman so quickly, didn't he?)... and he will never trust you the same, nor will he value you the same. Some day in the future when you think this is all behind you, you will be looking at him adoringly, and he will be looking at you, when suddenly he will get an image flash across his brain of the other man banging you, and he will feel disgust for you... still, he will smile, and look away, his heart will be sore, and he will be full of mistrust for you. That's what you two will live with daily. And then one day his babies will grow up and he will be free to leave. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
96nole Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Some day in the future when you think this is all behind you, you will be looking at him adoringly, and he will be looking at you, when suddenly he will get an image flash across his brain of the other man banging you, and he will feel disgust for you... still, he will smile, and look away, his heart will be sore, and he will be full of mistrust for you. That is spot on. I don't know how many times I had to look away from the eyes of my ex for the same reason. There were times I would think "you're just a cheating bitch" when I would look at her. Look, you are obviously still torn between your husband and the druggie. You say you love your husband to the bone. But your main reason for wanting him back is because you don't want him to bone someone else. Apparently you think it's only OK for you to bone someone else. I don't think there is a future for this marriage because of you. You will always be thinking of your drug user. Let your husband go and be with the new girl. Give him the chance to be with someone who may not cheat on him. Because let's face it, you are going to do it again at some point. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GLDheart Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 By now her husband is so on the fence about taking her back (once bitten twice shy) that he is probably snooping on her. He most likely has installed tracking software and is combing through things very carefully. My point is this: If the OP fails to take advice from this thread.... I'm sure her husband will. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Look, you are obviously still torn between your husband and the druggie.... You will always be thinking of your drug user. Where did the drug association come from? Did I miss something? Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 (edited) Where did the drug association come from? Did I miss something? He got his threads confused. This is the one he was talking about probably http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/333161-trying-move-my-affair Edited July 2, 2012 by reboot Link to post Share on other sites
96nole Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 He got his threads confused. This is the one he was talking about probably http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/333161-trying-move-my-affair Whoooops. Sorry. Coffee must not have kicked in by that point this morning. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 (edited) I don't mind BS sharing their experiences or even attempting to I think it takes a lot of nerve to want your H to come back to you when you haven't even broke it off with your lover. You are very selfish. Now that your H has found a woman he can put on a pedestal you won't even allow him to have that happiness. I'm sorry lady but all you care about is yourself. If you truly loved him you would let him go be with a woman of quality. Edited July 4, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rheinhessen Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 I have written the NC email, informed and showed my husband and we have both agreed that I will send it tomorrow, early afternoon, as OM is collecting some course results tomorrow mid-morning and we both do not want to ruin his mood before he collects them... I have agreed with H that we will not make any immediate plans for reconciliation, but he and I will both attend IC to get a clearer picture of where we're both at and will take it from there... We not act like a couple, certainly not a married couple and nothing will immediately change any time soon, aside from NC between myself and OM and he has broken off contact with the woman - his own choice, I asked nothing of him. That is currently where we're at. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Did you inform your H that OM is your soul mate and you will always love him? If not, you need to disclose that information so he can make his decision based on truth and not assumption. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 I have written the NC email, informed and showed my husband and we have both agreed that I will send it tomorrow, early afternoon, as OM is collecting some course results tomorrow mid-morning and we both do not want to ruin his mood before he collects them... I have agreed with H that we will not make any immediate plans for reconciliation, but he and I will both attend IC to get a clearer picture of where we're both at and will take it from there... We not act like a couple, certainly not a married couple and nothing will immediately change any time soon, aside from NC between myself and OM and he has broken off contact with the woman - his own choice, I asked nothing of him. That is currently where we're at. Buying more time. Who cares about the OM feelings? Since you still care about how HE feels over your H feelings - you should D your H and encourage him to keep seeing his new gal... Notice how HE has some integrity... Enough to end it! Wish you had some of the same. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SomedayDig Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Sorry...I have a tough time believing that your husband thinks so highly of the OM's feelings. Call me cynical. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rheinhessen Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 I sent the NC email 1 hour ago and requested absolutely ZERO further contact... PRIOR to logging onto here and reading the subsequent 2 responses. My husband was copied in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rheinhessen Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 Sorry...I have a tough time believing that your husband thinks so highly of the OM's feelings. Call me cynical. My husband DID agree that I send it tomorrow afternoon, as a matter of fact. However, subject to my own train of thought, it was a now or never thing. I realised if I didn't send it tonight, I would delete it come tomorrow - I closed my eyes, clicked send and took a leap. Your opinions of me at this precise moment mean very little... I have done what my husband required me to do, granted, 24 hours later... and I then sent earlier than we further agreed of my own volition. Re. my posts last night, well.. 2 bottles of wine will do that to a person.. I wasnt in the right frame of mind for alcohol and it subsequently showed in my posts. Note to self: avoid alcohol for the next few months. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Alcohol usually lowers ones inhibitions and gives them the courage to tell the truth. Did you tell your H that the OM is your soul mate and you will always love him? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Alcohol usually lowers ones inhibitions and gives them the courage to tell the truth. Did you tell your H that the OM is your soul mate and you will always love him? This is what I wonder too. Also IF OM contacts you - are you willing to tell your H every time he contacts? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rheinhessen Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 Alcohol usually lowers ones inhibitions and gives them the courage to tell the truth. Did you tell your H that the OM is your soul mate and you will always love him?I asked my husband honestly, while we were in discussions yesterday, if he thought he could genuinely get over the fact I have alowed myself to fall more in love with a man than I ever have before and I have allowed myself to take part in and make love to a man like I have no other. He is under no pretense; I have not downplayed my feelings for OM in the slightest; I said the above practically to the word. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 That is terribly sad for your H! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 HOLY CHRISTMAS! Lady, you are all over the place. Look, here's the deal. You are coming onto a forum where a lot of us have been cut to the core by the same actions you did to your husband. So, you are defiantely going to trigger some less than savory responses from some posters. Hell, you came on here like gangbusters when I was reading through your post on the mistakes you've made and how you want and need your husband back and that you were willing to do ANYTHING to get him back. And I was pulling for ya! Then I came across the post where you said that you didn't want to hurt the OM. And I literally said this out loud, "AANNDD......she buckles." Okay, your husband doesn't believe a damn word you have to say to him right now. Sorry, but it's true. At one point you figuratively told him that he wasn't good enough for you, that the OM was your man. Not him. He has NO REASON TO TRUST YOU RIGHT NOW. Right now, actions speak louder than words and that is the ONLY way you are going to reach him. You can tell him that you were wrong and he is the only man you ever want to be with till the cows come home; he's not going to believe you. Why should he. You gave yourself to another man. Your body was a gift to your husband on your wedding day with the promise that he would love you and cherish you. You took that gift away and freely gave it to someone else. he needs to SEE actions, not HEAR words. Case in point, he saw you buckle with no contact with the OM. He saw that and that doesn't help your case and it doesn't prove to him that you're serious. If you want this, then it's time to get serious. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 I asked my husband honestly, while we were in discussions yesterday, if he thought he could genuinely get over the fact I have alowed myself to fall more in love with a man than I ever have before and I have allowed myself to take part in and make love to a man like I have no other. He is under no pretense; I have not downplayed my feelings for OM in the slightest; I said the above practically to the word. It makes me sad that your husband has lost all self-esteem and self-respect and is willing to try to reconcile with a woman like you. If he doesn't find his balls in time to dump you he will deserve it when you start cheating again. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rheinhessen Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 It makes me sad that your husband has lost all self-esteem and self-respect and is willing to try to reconcile with a woman like you. If he doesn't find his balls in time to dump you he will deserve it when you start cheating again.I won't cheat again. I have said thins to OM I never thought I would find the strength to say, I have hurt him irrevocably - I know this for a fact. I will never feel like this about another person and on that basis, no-one will compare. I DO love my husband (despite all of your assumptions) and I will throw myself heart and soul into reconciliation. I think I am done with this thread, I wont be checking back or responding further. Thanks for all the taken guys.. Link to post Share on other sites
SomedayDig Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 I think I amdone with this thread, I wont be checking back or responding further. Thanks for all the taken guys.. That's okay. We all know where you're headed anyways. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 I won't cheat again. I have said thins to OM I never thought I would find the strength to say, I have hurt him irrevocably - I know this for a fact. I will never feel like this about another person and on that basis, no-one will compare. I DO love my husband (despite all of your assumptions) and I will throw myself heart and soul into reconciliation. I think I am done with this thread, I wont be checking back or responding further. Thanks for all the taken guys.. Now that you are starting down the road of reconciliation, your focus can change. I can tell you that truly reconciling will take years and more hard work from you and your husband than you can possible imagine. I strongly recommend you go to survivinginfidelity.com and specifically to the wayward side forum. Post your story and ask for feedback. You can initially put a "stop sign" on your threads there which prevents BSs from replying. You will get solid constructive feedback from other waywards that have successfully reconciled their marriages. Once you have the courage, you can also post without a stop sign and get feedback from BSs as well as WSs. Sometimes the honesty here is to brutal to handle. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
96nole Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 That's okay. We all know where you're headed anyways. Yep. To the Separation and Divorce board. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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