Petronaut Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 Hello, I dont know who to go to so I just created an account on here to get some help/advice of experienced people. I am 23 years old , student and my girlfriend have been together for nearly 4 years now. The first two years we were together in a long distance relationship, I visited her in every break I could a we were very happy. She was approx. 2500km away from me, we skyped everyday and it was good. I knew she was the girl of my life since the moment i saw her first. In the las october shecame to me and is living here since then. At first she lived in my flat and everything was great, but it was exhausting for her because I am studying in a different city than her. ( she is doing her masters degree here now) A few months ago she moved to a flat in the city she is studying now. We still saw us every few days, and everything was good. Now, a month ago I went to do my bachelors degree in another country for a week, and after i came home she was very cold to me and told me she has homesickness. At that time, everything was falling down slowly. She stopped holding my hand and dindt want to kiss me anymore, I was very confused and didnt know why. Now, she told me that the doesnt feel love for me anymore, but she doesnt know why and she is very sad that she is making me feel bad, because she sees that I am trying so hard to make everything right. I always did everything to keep her statisfied. She now told me that she sees no future for us. I am doing well in my studies and when I finish Im going to have a very good job as an engineer and we could go to her country, no problem. Furthermore, my family is pretty wealthy and I have no concerns when looking forward. She told me that she wants a family 3 months ago and cried how much she is loving me. I told her when Im finished with my studies we can have kids and a good family with no financial hassles. I relly dont know how love can change for someone if youre doing everything as before, as right as you know it. I really dont want to lose her, because we went through hell to be together but now she doesnt feel me anymore for some reasons. What to do? Thanks for reading my wall of text and sorry for my english, I am not a native speaker sadly. Link to post Share on other sites
BlazePT Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 Hello, buddy. Really sorry to hear about your BU. I'm in the same situation you are: 23 y.o., studying to be an engineer and my 3 year relationship just ended all of the sudden, 2 months ago. She didn't love me anymore either. First, I'd say you're still in a bit of denial... I really dont want to lose her Here is the catch... Sorry to say this but you've lost her already. I know what it is like to hear somebody say to you that they love you more than anything in the world and say that they want a family with you, and one day BOOM it all falls apart... But one cannot force someone to love you back. Truth is, probably she was thinking about this for some time and was probably in denial with herself: she couldn't believe she was stopping to love you. You couldn't do anything to make her change her mind. I'd like to know how exactly you reacted in front of her when she broke up with you: did you beg,plead,cry...? If there's a little hope that she'll change her mind, the way you reacted counts a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Petronaut Posted June 30, 2012 Author Share Posted June 30, 2012 Blaze thanks for your quick reply. My reaction was calm at first, because I couldnt believe it at first but then I couldnt hold my tears and cried ... As did she. Then I asked her why and asked her what I should change. She said I should change nothing and I am a very nice guy and I treated her very well...she cant explain it to herself why the love has faded...now she wants me as a friend. We still talk alot and I am still visiting her and we went smimming and for lunch together and she seems really happy with me ... i dont understand. She is so far away from home in a foreign country, I need to support her...because she came for me in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
BlazePT Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 Ok... I can totally relate to that. She and I also started crying in front of each other and went out a couple of times too... But mate, the truth is, you can't keep doing that. Of course she seems happy around you... She's confortable with you and it's normal: you've been her best emotional support for 4 years now. But you have to stop it now... She clearly told you that she doesn't love you anymore. You HAVE to cut contact for your own well-being. Let her know that. Let her know that you can't be around her just as friends, since you still have feelings for her. This is not about her anymore. This is about YOU. Besides, Petronaut, you can't do anything to make her want you back; you can only do things to push her away and trust me, being friends now not only will make you hurt yourself even more, it will help her validate her decision. It will hurt as hell, but you have to engage NC mode now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Petronaut Posted June 30, 2012 Author Share Posted June 30, 2012 (edited) Blaze, I am sorry for your loss too...thank you for your suggestions, I am going on an internship on monday for a month, I will try my best to keep your tips in mind. Ps: what to do if she calls me or texts me? Edited June 30, 2012 by Petronaut Link to post Share on other sites
Author Petronaut Posted June 30, 2012 Author Share Posted June 30, 2012 She tried to call me. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
BlazePT Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 She tried to call me. What should I do? The best you can do right now is just ignore. You might even want to change your phone number. It's for your own sake. You might risk hearing something that you don't want to hear and it will set you back important steps on your recovery. If she really needs to talk to you and tell you what you WANT to hear (which we know what it is), she will make a greater effort to communicate with you, like show up at your door (which it might not happen, given the enormous distance)or something like that. Stay NC. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 BlazePT is correct...stay NC. The worst thing to do with an ex is to convince them of why you should stay together. At this point, she doesnt care if you are getting a Masters degree for the good of both of your future or not. Not meaning to be harsh but that's what happens with an ex that flakes out on the relationship. Any plans go kaput and need to be revised on your part. Any time you guys talk will be loads of drama, breadcrumbs, confusion, and most of all...hurt. Lay low for awhile. Link to post Share on other sites
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