Should I tell him?

[kest]

There is this guy I've known for almost two years now. I got to know him quite well at the end of last year through university, and since then our relationship has grown. I feel myself attracted to him; he's so kind and thoughtful, he makes me laugh, he listens to me. We have similar interests and get on well. He's spent time with my family and gets along with them, and I've been around his family a little too. I've never felt this way about anyone before.

 

Often I wonder if he likes me. In the past he's given me some reason to think that he does, but I'm not very good at knowing whether it's signs of a genuine romantic interest or merely the symbol of friendship.

I would like to show him how I feel, but there are two things stopping me:

 

1) I am very nervous. I don't want to ruin the friendship we have, and I don't want to make him uncomfortable.

2) In a month, I am leaving the country for four months.

 

While it would be amazing to tell him before I leave (and while a few people have encouraged me to tell him) I just don't see much of a point.

 

What do you guys think? Should I tell him how I feel? And if so...how???

[tonyp56]

Well, here is the thing. Sometimes in life you've got to take a chance. What if you don't tell him before you leave and he falls madly in love with someone else while you are gone? Also, yes, it could end the friendship, but honestly, is it much of one if you are wanting more? Aren't true friends supposed to tell each other whatever without worrying about being judged?

 

So, IMO, you two are not friends, not until you TELL him how you feel and if he can't accept it and he don't want to be friends, then you really and truly lost nothing! However, if he happens to feel the same way, then perhaps you will find, well everything! Good luck and yes, I'm saying tell him!!! NOW.

[kest]

Well, here is the thing. Sometimes in life you've got to take a chance. What if you don't tell him before you leave and he falls madly in love with someone else while you are gone? Also, yes, it could end the friendship, but honestly, is it much of one if you are wanting more? Aren't true friends supposed to tell each other whatever without worrying about being judged?

 

So, IMO, you two are not friends, not until you TELL him how you feel and if he can't accept it and he don't want to be friends, then you really and truly lost nothing! However, if he happens to feel the same way, then perhaps you will find, well everything! Good luck and yes, I'm saying tell him!!! NOW.

 

I know. I've been thinking a lot about my relationship with him. I know that I've never felt much the same way about anyone who wasn't family or a close friend. I love him, I think (though in more of an emotional way). I want him to be happy and to succeed even if it means my own happiness and success is compromised. Maybe "love" is a very strong word. I do like him, and I would love to have a deeper relationship with him, but if he can seek happiness and love with another person better than he can with me, I prefer that.

 

I really understand your points. Friends should tell each other things, and I would like him to know somehow. My main problem is that I'm very nervous. I don't want to make a big deal of things, and I don't want to pressure him. And I have virtually no clue of how to tell him I like him...what to say.

 

Any ideas?

[Hopelessromantic3]

I know. I've been thinking a lot about my relationship with him. I know that I've never felt much the same way about anyone who wasn't family or a close friend. I love him, I think (though in more of an emotional way). I want him to be happy and to succeed even if it means my own happiness and success is compromised. Maybe "love" is a very strong word. I do like him, and I would love to have a deeper relationship with him, but if he can seek happiness and love with another person better than he can with me, I prefer that.

 

I really understand your points. Friends should tell each other things, and I would like him to know somehow. My main problem is that I'm very nervous. I don't want to make a big deal of things, and I don't want to pressure him. And I have virtually no clue of how to tell him I like him...what to say.

 

Any ideas?

 

Unfortunately, there's really no "right" way to tell him how you feel. It's going to be awkward,uncomfortable, and if you're shy or insecure, you'll probably want to run and hide the second the words come out of your mouth. Sorry to be blunt, but it's true. But, the good part is that it can be worth it. It can get you to a point where you don't have to wonder or have regrets. I wouldn't recommend trying to do it over dinner or coffee or anything, because that could potentially turn very awkward if you have to sit through the rest of the earl afterwards or something. So maybe if you just catch him somewhere casual and where you can make a quick escape if necessary. Sorry, that sounds bad. I'd acknowledge being uncomfortable right from the get go, be direct by saying that your feelings of friendship have turned to something more, you wanted him to know, and leave it up to him where things go from there.

 

Good luck!

[kest]

Unfortunately, there's really no "right" way to tell him how you feel. It's going to be awkward,uncomfortable, and if you're shy or insecure, you'll probably want to run and hide the second the words come out of your mouth. Sorry to be blunt, but it's true. But, the good part is that it can be worth it. It can get you to a point where you don't have to wonder or have regrets. I wouldn't recommend trying to do it over dinner or coffee or anything, because that could potentially turn very awkward if you have to sit through the rest of the earl afterwards or something. So maybe if you just catch him somewhere casual and where you can make a quick escape if necessary. Sorry, that sounds bad. I'd acknowledge being uncomfortable right from the get go, be direct by saying that your feelings of friendship have turned to something more, you wanted him to know, and leave it up to him where things go from there.

 

Good luck!

 

Thank you! I appreciate your bluntness. I have my doubts sometimes, because I'm not very physically attractive. I know the greatest beauty is on the inside, but it can't be denied that appearance plays a big part in romance. I feel for him, but I don't see how he would feel the same for me. I'm...very inadequate.

I am always nervous around him. Not so much butterflies as tingly. Just being with him creates a strange feeling in me. I did think about writing things down and just giving it to him as a letter, but I don't know how good a method that is.