pink_sugar Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 What type of relationship someone has with their parents is not really any of my business. My respect for them is based on how they treat me and who they are as an individual. A good example is my husband's cousin. We went to his wedding and had no idea something was going on between him and his father. He didn't even go to any of his son's wedding events. We talk to the Uncle and he seems okay as well. To me I couldn't fathom why the cousin's father has an off relationship with him, but it's none of my business. The cousin has been nothing but polite and respectful to us. Not my business or place to judge.
without Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Well I used to not respect them, back then I was really strict. But then i grew up and started to see how parents can be hard to deal with and unreasonable. I try to hide it because I don't like people who openly talk bad about their parents. I have to know others reasons for not getting along. 1
Seductive Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 By "get on", I'm assuming you mean don't get along? If the parents are severely abusive, then I would understand. But, I also don't think it's appropriate to badmouth your parents to someone you just met, like on a first date or a friend you're getting to know. If a man tells me how he can't stand his mom on the first few dates, I would be weary of his character even if his mom truly was abusive or toxic. If you don't get along with your parents, I would say share it with those that are understanding and won't judge you for it.
2sunny Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 I respect a lot of people that don't get along with their parents. Not all parents are doing what's right... They are human. Doesn't mean others need to accept unacceptable behavior. If someone has a healthy boundary and THAT boundary eliminates the parent relationship - sometimes THAT is a WISE CHOICE. 1
carhill Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 I generally respect the validity of intra-family relations, but my terms of compatibility wrt an intimate relationship turn upon the specifics of such relations. One marriage with vastly differing familial backgrounds taught me that lesson.
Micki Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Yes. I would still respect them. However, I do have a problem with people who judge others who are close or have a good relationship with their parents. For example, if you are close to your parents, especially your mother people who don't get along with their own parents will call you a "mama's boy" or "mama's girl."
pink_sugar Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 By "get on", I'm assuming you mean don't get along? If the parents are severely abusive, then I would understand. But, I also don't think it's appropriate to badmouth your parents to someone you just met, like on a first date or a friend you're getting to know. If a man tells me how he can't stand his mom on the first few dates, I would be weary of his character even if his mom truly was abusive or toxic. If you don't get along with your parents, I would say share it with those that are understanding and won't judge you for it. Well of course you shouldn't really talk bad about anyone on a first date. Ex's included. (I do know people who do this. My dad has gone on about my mom for nearly 20 years). However, if you ask about one's parents, you should be prepared not to judge.
SpiralOut Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 I try not to judge. It's none of my business really. I just don't like it when someone complains about their parents, but has no problem using them for things like free rent, borrowing money, etc when they are fully capable of getting help from someone else. My ex did that with his mother; he would only call her or get together when he wanted something. It really bothered me. 2
pink_sugar Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 I try not to judge. It's none of my business really. I just don't like it when someone complains about their parents, but has no problem using them for things like free rent, borrowing money, etc when they are fully capable of getting help from someone else. My ex did that with his mother; he would only call her or get together when he wanted something. It really bothered me. My H's parents actually do that to him, versus the other way around. They only want him around when they decide they need something or when it's a given holiday like Christmas or Thanksgiving. Other than that, he needs a specific invitation in writing and time to be allowed over.
Fugu Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 The problem statement in the OP is a bit vague. Families can fail to get along for a wide variety of reasons. It could be that the children are spoiled; it could also be that the parents are manipulative and controlling, or abusive. In response to your question, I think it pays to know as much about the individuals involved as possible. In time, I think the truth will reveal itself. If a child is selfish and narcissistic, they won't restrict their immaturity and narcissism to just their parents. Likewise, the same holds true of parents. Know the individuals involved and then make judgments about each. 1
MuscleCarFan Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 My H's parents actually do that to him, versus the other way around. They only want him around when they decide they need something or when it's a given holiday like Christmas or Thanksgiving. Other than that, he needs a specific invitation in writing and time to be allowed over. As my wife has said my parents only invite me when they either something or it is a major holiday like Thanksgiving or Christmas. Otherwise they are none existent in my life. My mom has never made much of an effort to want me in her life so the less I see of them, the better.
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