Dangerous "friends" and "coworkers"

[capitald]

I notice that people like to use me for my mind and then if I don't want to give them what they seek, they want to intimidate me into giving in. People in NY that I know can be very petty, immature, tribal and tyrannical. They sometimes go into adult temper tantrums, namely rage. The suffer from narccisstic personality disorder. I simply won't be intimidated by these people, their stares or theiir anger. I know what is best for me and I don't need other people to try and force me to be one way or the other. It gets so irritating at times. If I had one wish it would be for the people know to stop being so damn petty at times and let things slide instead of getting vengeance or trying to get vengeance for every little thing. It makes me question whether the world is getting better or getting worse.

 

I am not some whore that can give you a mental massage if you want it. I am around the wrong kind of people. Maybe one day I will find my place. Its sad, there are many people in the world that expect me and other people to be their bitch, their servo-mechanism. I feel bad for people like this. They are never going to find happiness if they get mad every time they don't get what they want because they think people owe them something. I am not perfect but I don't think that anybody owes me something. My brother has a friend that I am not crazy about and I get the feeling that this guy feels that I owe him my friendship. But I know that we have somewhat of a mutual dislike so if I let him into my confidence, he will stab me in the back the minute he gets the chance. No offense but I just don't want to be friends with a person like this, there are better people out there.

 

There is also this women at work that almost got me in a good deal of trouble. She basically stabbed me in the back and told human resources that I yelled at her, when she was the one that verbally attacked me and then we both argued. Now this b***th expects me to be her friends again. For months and months I knew that something was not right because her best friends were my enemies (loosely speaking, the people that just did not care for my personality or who felt that I was a threat to them or their plans). It seems like she was just waiting for the right time to lash out and get her venom into me. Now she expects things to be back to normal and on Thursday I did not say goodbye to her, eventhough she said it twice, the second time angrily. I am thinking, what you almost got me in deep s**t and now I have to be polite to you. Screw that.

 

On Friday, I had them take down a picture they had hanging up which I felt a put down towards me, and that made her mad. Then the guy I work with at night started saying many things to her and caused her to get mad. She started kicking chairs and acting crazy because he told her the honest to god's truth about her. I wrote my boss a letter about this behavior as it was starting to become troubling especially seeing how this women is 45 years old and should know better. I am not going to hold grudges but I learned a VERY important lesson from this. When it comes to people the feelings and intuition have to be trusted and heeded above all. I let this women into my confidence and I disregarded that dealing with her always gave me a sour feeling in my stomach. When she became a non-person to me I lost that sour feeling that lasted about two weeks.

 

In any case, she left with a somewhat apologetic and hurt look on her face when she left. My counteractions really reaked havoc on her. Part of me felt bad but I did what I had to do. There are people that will stop at nothing to bring danger to other people and that do not know how to mind their own business. In any case, I hope you all have enjoyed reading this and have a happy 4th.

[einahpets]

i am very curious about what type of job you have......

[capitald]

A job in the healthfield.

[einahpets]

and that type of behavior is acceptable? i can't stand immature people and i can't believe temper tantrums are allowed at your work.

[capitald]

Your telling me, right, this lady was out of hand.

[lnichols]

What kind of picture was it?

 

You know, the best way of dealing with pettiness in the workplace is by staying out of it. That can be difficult, but you may have to just go in, do your job and stay out of all the pettiness that goes on. By participating, even by telling co-workers how you feel, you are becoming a part of the very thing you hate about work.

 

If you are their supervisor, you could set some time aside for a meeting and simply facilitate. Open up discussion and then just moderate it. There can be basic rules, like we can't talk about anyone who isn't present; no racism or sexism; try to air problems like mature people...

 

I work in a social service atmosphere, and I had a group of women who here working at the same facility, different shifts, who could not get along. It was petty crap. I called a meeting. We could not discuss anyone who was not present. That was pretty much the only rule. (That way, the conversation didn't turn into attacking someone who was not there to defend herself) I only had 2 staff who didn't show. The other eight just lit into each other. I stepped in when things got too hot. Other than that, it was like Jerry Springer in there for about 20 minutes. When things got quiet, I asked them if everyone had gotten it out of their systems, and they said yes. Things ran smoothly for several months after that. But we had to have these meetings periodically. Not exactly professional, but we weren't in a place that was around other workers, so it was okay.

 

If you aren't a supervisor to these people, then just ask yourself if you like your job. And if you do, then stay out of other people's problems. Take the high road. It will pay off in the end.