shorty19632004 Posted July 5, 2004 Share Posted July 5, 2004 I am a single lady that is 41 years old, and i have never been involved with a married man and have never thought about it either, but i am needing to know what are the signes that a married man is trying to get to close to a woman ? There is this married man that i work with that has been married for 35 years. well it seems like lately that he is trying to make the moves on me, he has been working there at my job for about 4 months now, every since he has started there he has been bringing me drinks to work for me and him every day. I asked him one day why does he do that he says the reason he does it because he likes me. then i have noticed that he always tries to get my attention somehow or another. He winks at me and comments on my hair and says i smell good. I have noticed that while we talk, he will stand so close to me. He told me before that he has been tring to get divorced for the last 10 years. I know you might think i am just seeing things, but will someone tell me whats going on here. I am trying not to get involved with this man if he does try to make a move on me. Please help me.. Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted July 5, 2004 Share Posted July 5, 2004 It sounds to me like he is make the moves on you. It's nice of him to bring you a drink every once in awhile, but why everyday? Does he compliment other girls at work as much as he does you? Maybe you should talk to him about this, before he starts taking it too far. Good luck, and keep us updated:). Link to post Share on other sites
Author shorty19632004 Posted July 5, 2004 Author Share Posted July 5, 2004 No he does not hardley have anything to do with any other women at work, just me, he does not bring them things from home or anything else. I am gonna try to talk to him tomorrow and tell him he needs to back off, i don't want to be with a married man, but if i tell him that , what if he says that he is just being friends, then i will feel stupid.Should i go to him and talk to him, or just let it be the way it is now ?? Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted July 5, 2004 Share Posted July 5, 2004 I think a woman knows how to send the right signals to a man. If you don't want him to bring you drinks every day, you can simply tell him that it is not necessary for him to do that. If he tries to start a conversation with you and you don't feel like it, you can simply respnd his questions very politely but colder. I think that usually puts men off: a cold attitude. If he asks you why the change in attitude, you can simply say that you're not comfortable having married male friends (which is the truth, btw, isn't it?). He'll understand, I think. If he's a gentleman, he'll respect your wish ! Good luck. Curly P.S. It doesn't mean that you cannot be friends, but he must stop thinking of you in a romantic way. Taking into considetarion the fact that he's married, it would be a proof of respect, too. Link to post Share on other sites
murasaki Posted July 5, 2004 Share Posted July 5, 2004 Originally posted by shorty19632004 I am trying not to get involved with this man if he does try to make a move on me. Please help me.. I'm not sure but I think what you're actually asking is how to get him to stop coming on to you -- because there's not a question of you getting involved with him, is there? You don't have to try to not get involved with him -- you don't want him, so no matter how nice he is, no matter how many drinks he brings you, no matter how close he stands to you, it ain't gonna happen, right? I'm just trying to clarify this because for some reason the way you've asked about your situation makes it sound like you're not sure about what you're going to do. Whereas it seems to me like the entire problem is with him -- getting him to lay off the "buttering up" routine. I agree with the other posters who say that if your intuition is telling you that his behavior toward you is inappropriate, then it probably is. If you're uncomfortable with it, that's all that matters -- that's enough to know that you need to make him stop. It kind of sounds like you think that by accepting drinks or his attention at some point you will be obliged to go along with his advances. Not so! He could bring you a bottle of expensive champagne every day, and run to hold the door for you every time you get up, and that wouldn't mean you owe him anything. You haven't asked for the drinks. You haven't asked for his attention. Are you looking for a way to get him to stop making you feel uncomfortable and obliged to him, without hurting his pride or making it too obvious that you know what he's up to? Maybe you could say something like this, "Gee Bob, you sure have been nice to me since you started working here. I'm glad you and I have become friends, but why don't you try to get to know some of the other nice people here, and let them benefit a bit from your generosity? You can never have too many friends, after all." And if he answers about how he likes you in particular, just say, "well I think you're a very nice guy, it's so good to be working at a place with a lot of nice people. I like you, I like Jane and Chris and Tom -- just about everyone! But you should stop singling me out for special treatment, it does seem a bit strange after a while. Buying the occasional drink for a friend is great, but let's not go overboard." If he wants to be a jerk about it and force you to be blunt with him, there's nothing you can do. Some people like to use that kind of emotional blackmail -- "play along with me and my little games, even though they make you uncomfortable, or else I'll have very hurt feelings and become your enemy." Nothing you can do if that's the case, except to stop accepting drinks and, as CurlyIam advises, start ignoring him. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted July 5, 2004 Share Posted July 5, 2004 Point Blank! "Gee Bob, you sure have been nice to me since you started working here. I'm glad you and I have become friends, but why don't you try to get to know some of the other nice people here, and let them benefit a bit from your generosity? You can never have too many friends, after all." And if he answers about how he likes you in particular, just say, "well I think you're a very nice guy, it's so good to be working at a place with a lot of nice people. I like you, I like Jane and Chris and Tom -- just about everyone! But you should stop singling me out for special treatment, it does seem a bit strange after a while. Buying the occasional drink for a friend is great, but let's not go overboard." I LOVE THIS!!!!! Do it.....say it.....write it............the creep even dangled the "trying to get divorced for ten years" crap to you? THAT was his way of telling you that he is willing to cheat on his wife because he "feels the marriage is not sexually satisfying" so as soon as he finds a lover this will change for him? What a bottom dweller this guy is! How do you "try" to get divorced......either you call your Lawyer or you don't. Am I wrong here? No I'm not. Tell the Jerk to "BEAT IT!!! How embarassing for you.......He is centering you out and making you look like you are interested (by bringing you drinks) you need to immediatly stop this! Especially in the workplace. Human Resource may not like this! Don't beat around the bush, the next time he brings you a drink......even if you could really use one.......do not accept it......tell him "no thanks! you keep it......I don't want a drink!" If he insists you keep it anyways - make sure he sees you throw it in the garbage! This creep will make you look bad if you don't stop this NOW! Good Luck, Bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
Paradise Posted July 5, 2004 Share Posted July 5, 2004 Originally posted by shorty19632004 There is this married man that i work with that has been married for 35 years. well it seems like lately that he is trying to make the moves on me.............He told me before that he has been tring to get divorced for the last 10 years..............I am trying not to get involved with this man if he does try to make a move on me. Please help me.. If you really don't want to get involve with this man, then you need to be straight and tell him up front. Don't lead him on b/c that will lead to nothing less than disappointments. Tell him you want to be friends but not get into a relationship with a MM. Do you like him? If you do, then you should mention to him that you're interested in him, but you don't want to start a prelateship until he gets divorce. This will put him to a test if he really means what he told you about that he been trying to get a divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
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