Finding out an old friend has cancer...to contact them?, or not

[Thinkalot]

Hi.

 

In 2000 I took part in the opening ceremony of the Sydney Olympics, dancing. It was a great experience, and involved a lot of hours rehearsing etc.

 

During the months I was involved in that project, I got to know the son of a lady who used to teach me dancing. He was involved in a similar segment to me, and we chatted a lot. He was/is married, with a couple of young kids.

 

In all the years I'd known his mum, I hadn't met him before.

 

After the olympics, we kept in touch a little by email, and then that dropped off.

 

I've just found out he has terminal cancer. It is truly horrid, as his kids are quite young.

 

I was just cleaning out an old hotmail inbox of mine, and saw that I have his email address there. I don't know if it's current or not.

 

Anyway...do I try and contact him? And what would I say if I did? I haven't chatted with him in about 3 1/2 years.

 

I don't know. It's just sad.

[moimeme]

I would for sure contact him. Tell him you've thought of him (if you have) or that you remember him for whatever reason you remember him and that you're sad to hear he's ill. I'm sure he'll appreciate it.

[Thinkalot]

Yes, I know. My mum thinks it may be best to just leave it though, as he may not want people to know. We heard it on the grapevine, through a friend.

[Wolvesbaned]

If I had cancer, I would want friends to contact me, no matter how they got the news. At a time like that its good to know that people care. Plus, wouldn't you want a chance to tell him how thankful you are of the dance lessons and friendship?

 

Hearing news like this is yet another reminder of how life is just way too short. Sorry to hear about your friend.

[Thinkalot]

Originally posted by Wolvesbaned

 

Hearing news like this is yet another reminder of how life is just way too short.

 

You are so right.

[brashgal]

I say you won't know how he feels unless you try to contact him. You may not get a reply but at least you let him know that you were thinking about him and that could be a comfort to him.

[Fayebelle]

I am terribly sorry to hear about your friend.

 

Oddly enough my BF and I picked up a book from Miss Manners at a flea market this weekend and she has a section right along these lines.

 

According to Miss M the appropriate action is to send a sympathy card letting them know you are thinking of them. If you live near him offer specific help (i.e babysitting, running errands, fixing a meal, etc... IF you truly have time and a desire to help. Otherwise, it is perfectly acceptable to offer the sympathy wishes alone. This allows them to know you are concerned w/out obligating them to think of some way to answer your call (since they will more than likely have other things on their mind) Offering a specific manner of assistance lets them know what you are comfortable helping with so they do not feel they are intruding.

 

Or you can ignore Miss M and do it your own way. But I definately think you should contact him in some way, since from your replies I think you truly want to reach out to him.

 

Best wishes to you and your friend. I wish him all the best.

[Thinkalot]

Sadly, I learned today he is in hospital at the moment. He has just had an operation to remove some cancer from his neck, and has more to go through yet. His family is devastated.

 

A card is a good idea, as I won't be able to reach him any other way at the moment anyway.

[kirkyswife]

I am so sorry about your friend.

 

I am cancer survivor (8 months cancer free) and I relate to what he's going through I've been told 4 times that I am going to die and every time I kick a$$ - I use herbologists, acupuncture, and weekly steam baths, combined with medicine & chemo. I hope you find a card that is positive and upbeat -he's aware that he's dying but he wants to live every moment to it's fullest.

[Thinkalot]

Wow Kirkyswife! You must be very strong and positive...it's wonderful to hear your story...keep on kicking some a$$!