reachingskywards Posted July 5, 2004 Share Posted July 5, 2004 Hi Gals It was a really difficult decision to break up with my MM in the first place (about 6 weeks ago) and I presummed that he would leave me alone after we stopped having sex etc. But we've been seeing each other as friends and the emotional side of our relationship has grown. Then he invited me to go on a o/s holiday (to Florida) and I declined. He leaves next week and then goes away for another week with his family. I can't handle it anymore. I am going to send him this letter...... what do you think??? I know it's rude to breakup by email but I don't think I can handle seeing him in order to break up with him again. I've broken up with him twice face to face and I don't think I can handle doing it again. Sky Dear Pete This is difficult for me to say & write so please forgive me if it’s clumsy. I don’t think we should see each other for a while. I know we are ‘just friends’. But I am finding it hard to see you and only have appropriate feelings for you. In fact, recently my feelings have grown significantly. This doesn’t bode well for me. You are a married man and I am a single girl who wants to have a family. This is a no win situation me and probably for you as well. I enjoy your company immensely. But, I can’t both see you and at the same time get over you and move on. It just doesn’t work like that. I need some time and space to sort myself out. I hope you understand. Sky Link to post Share on other sites
BusyBee Posted July 5, 2004 Share Posted July 5, 2004 You left it open by saying, "You cannot see him for [font=times new roman]awhile[/font]". If you want to put final closure on it, you need to leave no words of hope. Also saying that you enjoy his company immensely is also leaving a door open by showing him that you would miss his company. I have broken off many relationships and it is hard, but you need to be more direct and final. Hope that helps, even though I am now an OW and havent been through a break-up with mine yet. Link to post Share on other sites
yogurtu Posted July 5, 2004 Share Posted July 5, 2004 I admire your courage to break up, even if it is by e-mail. You are doing the right thing. As a guy, I would rather have someone break up with me in person, out of respect for me. But it seems that you've tried that before, it didn't work, and now you don't have any other choice than doing this in writing. I agree with you that you won't be able to move on until you stop seeing him and speaking with him frequently. He obviously doesn't get the picture yet, or he wouldn't have invited you to go to Florida. Just make it final so there is no hope on his end that this will continue after "a while". I also broke up with my OW with a phrase that ended in "for a while", and now I regret it, because I feel that this may be making her keep the illusion that we will get back together alive, which is misleading, because I don't intend to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author reachingskywards Posted July 5, 2004 Author Share Posted July 5, 2004 Thanks for your advice. I agree I need to make it final. Sayinghow much I enjoy his company will also make it harder for him to let go -- and that's what I want him to do. I would really prefer to say it in person, but I know that if I do I will probably send all the wrong sorts of signals unintentionally. To be honest -- there are many reasons why I would prefer not to have I was thinking last night about why I am in this situation. All the guys I have gone out with are (1) unavailable on some level (2) have emotional problems (3) are loners (4) have very few emotional resources. This is my mother all over. She was literally in mental institutions my entire childhood and was also unavailable (and on prescription drugs etc). I spent a lot of my childhood just trying to be the right sort of child to make her happy. I think subconsiously I must be reliving this. Part of me would really like to make this guy happy -- but it comes at the cost of making myself happy. I have to put myself first from now on and think about what I want for myself and not what others want me to do for them. I'm glad I can come here and talk about stuff. Thanks for listening. Sky Link to post Share on other sites
yogurtu Posted July 5, 2004 Share Posted July 5, 2004 You should be proud of your assertiveness and desire to do what's best for you (and eventually for your MM as well in the long run). Keep us posted of how it goes. Good luck , Yogurtu Link to post Share on other sites
jerzgrl Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Hi..Newbie here. I'm grateful I stumbled onto this site. I just wanted to tell you that I broke it off with my MM 4 weeks ago today after being together for 15 months. I did it through an email too. It was really the only way that I could do it. For the previous two months prior to the breakup I tried several times to do it in person and by phone...he sucked me back in every time. I agree with what busybee said..you can't leave room for hope. That's what I did everytime in the past except this last time. I was very much to the point. We were planning on getting together for another one of our "talks"..however, once again our talk would have to wait until he was available. That was it..the final straw for me. I just couldn't take being put on hold any longer. I simply stated to him "There is nothing more for us to talk about. Lets just leave it at that. Please don't call me anymore." This was the first time that I told him to not call anymore.. In some ways, I feel devastated that he hasn't called...I feel like I never meant anything to him. I guess its an ego thing for me. On the other hand I know ending it was the right thing to do but it is extremly painful. It feels good to let this out to some who understand what I am going through. Thanks for listening, Jerzgrl Link to post Share on other sites
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