Author Tallblueyed Posted August 21, 2012 Author Share Posted August 21, 2012 After catching her twice, who knows how many she has had over the years or how long this relationship has been going on. Actually it was three So I think I have officially hit the 'grieving’ stage. I still have bouts of anger and frustration; but lately I have been consumed with emptiness, sheer loneliness, and void of love that once filled our home. This weekend I cried twice, which hasn’t happened since DD back in March. I keep thinking that the details of the affair(s) will help me; as I am certain she has not come clean with me about other things that have happened. I know it would hurt to hear about new stuff, but I keep thinking it will somehow help me in my recovery (maybe fuel the anger instead of the grief?). Is it a bad idea to reach out to her and plead for details? I don’t want her to think it is a path of reconciliation, but I would like to have a better understanding of the details and events that occurred. I was thinking about revising (to minimize references of reconciliation) my own version of “Letter to Wayward Spouse”, as it seems very applicable. Letter to Wayward Spouse It should be noted, that while I don't expect/want any reconciliation, she is still heavily invested in "doing whatever it takes" to make it work (which may give me the door to get details). Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 If she's already had 3 affairs, she is not interested in any heartfelt pleas. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tallblueyed Posted August 21, 2012 Author Share Posted August 21, 2012 If she's already had 3 affairs, she is not interested in any heartfelt pleas. I am sure you are right. The first two were 10 years ago, and the last one was this year (not that it matters). I feel like the 'door' for me to discover what happened is closing, and that if I don't act now I will never have a chance to know everything. Maybe it is moot in the big picture, but it feels so overwhelming right now. It is so frustrating to hear her plea for another chance, but be unwilling to give me the information and/or closure that I deserve. I can see it from her perspective, in the sense that if she were to divulge all the info then it would only further solidify my decision in D - and she would be right. But my plea to her would be that I would be able to reconcile and heal better if I saw the whole picture. She is hedging her bets and going all in with her position. The irony remains that the only way I would have ever considered R would be with the full disclosure I am asking for. Link to post Share on other sites
GuyInLimbo Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Why the hell do you need details? She did it. It's over. It doesn't matter who/what/where/when/how many positions, etc. This woman has practically destroyed you emotionally. She needs to be out of your life for good. There is no working on it at this point. How many times are you willing to be a doormat? She's a pathological liar, man. Treat everything she says from now on as a lie and move on with your life. It sounds like your IC is helping you, but you're not there yet. Stay strong and do not let her back in your life. Those are crocodile tears she's shedding. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tallblueyed Posted August 21, 2012 Author Share Posted August 21, 2012 This woman has practically destroyed you emotionally. Right now is feels more like literally than practically. Thanks for your strong words - I know deep down that it is a mistake to reach out to her and that the details don't matter or change anything...just a momentary lapse of weakness (and I didn't reach out to her). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tallblueyed Posted June 11, 2013 Author Share Posted June 11, 2013 So it has been a year since I asked for a divorce. I continued IC until we were divorced, which was at the New Year. Everyone was right, and time has been very generous to me, as I feel like (and am) a new man. I continue to meditate every day. And I have even thrown my hat back into the dating scene with an amazing and humbling reception. It turns out that there are lots of girls that are looking for and appreciate a guy like me. It is difficult to believe a year ago I felt like nobody would ever want to be with me; back then I would have taken anybody who gave me attention – now I am actually being selective about who I spend time with. But most of all, I am happy when I am by myself, alone – I like myself and am proud of what I have endured and accomplished. Just wanted anybody who reads this to know that it does get better; cliché aside, time and hard introspective work will push the pain away and make way for happiness. Thanks for all the support, it was a real tough time and this forum helped me tremendously. -A 5 Link to post Share on other sites
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