huntersdad Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Let me start by giving you a little background. My wife and i have been together 8 years and married 3. We met when i worked for there parents while i was in college. Our relationship has been pretty good up to about a year ago. We have been through a lot of ups and downs, 2 deployments to Iraq and unemployment issues. Around april of this year my Wife tells me she wants to move back in with her parents. I am not going to say that i was suprised as i have not always been the best husband.(She was unemployed for over a year while i was working and going to school) So i was not the nicest person. Never violent or anything just always tired and snippy. She recently started working as a correctional officer and about 2 weeks into this new job is when she decided she wanted space. She agreed to stay and see if she could find love again. Then in June i left for my 2 week army training and during this time she basically said it was over and wouldn't talk to me. After i got done with training i went to pick up my son and then what i was thinking was confirmed. My 4.5 year old son had stayed on some dudes couch while my wife stayed there. Now she is talking like she wants to be together and try and I really don't know what to think. When i confronted her about this guy she says that he is more someone who understands what she is going through and all that BS that girls like to say. She says that they have not had sex either. I really don't know what to think about that. He is early 50's and she is 26. What do you guys think her motives are. BTW i do make like 20k more then her but when she said she originally wanted to leave we made around the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 (edited) Firstly-thanks for your service! Now, you've been to a war zone 2X why would you choose to live in one? She hauled your tender years son to a basic stranger's home for a sleepover? That's just wrong on so many levels. You having to interrogate your little boy is understandable but also wrong. What was she thinking??? You've got a heaping shovel full of drama with this woman. What's her problem? Draw some boundaries to get yourself sane and keep your son safe. She's disrespecting you. Why she is doesn't matter. Edited July 2, 2012 by Balzac Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 My 4.5 year old son had stayed on some dudes couch while my wife stayed there. Now she is talking like she wants to be together and try and I really don't know what to think. When i confronted her about this guy she says that he is more someone who understands what she is going through and all that BS that girls like to say. She says that they have not had sex either. I really don't know what to think about that. He is early 50's and she is 26. Why would your son need to stay on this guy's couch? Where was his mother? I don't believe she didn't have sex and my giant spidey sense tells me you are being lied to in a big, big way... Link to post Share on other sites
Author huntersdad Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 Yeah i mean i don't believe her either. I am just stating what she has told me. Whenever I try to bring up our relationship she just gets angry like i'm bothering her or something. At this point I would like her to make her mind up and what she wants to do and stick with it. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Usually the spouses who want to move back in with their patents are the ones who never cut the apron strings in the first place or expect you to be their parent and take care if them like a child. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 You want her to make up her mind? Listen to what you've said!! You have reason to distrust and suspect her. She won't communicate to solve the marital discord yet you concede power of decision to her? Start turning over couch cushions, rocks, dirty laundry in search of your man pride! Dude, it's there somewhere. You're a daddy and in that you have to have a peaceful working relationship and home. How does her drama meet that criteria? Ouch, I know you're hurting but wake up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author huntersdad Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 oh i would love to just pack up my stuff and bounce but i have my son to worry about. I really don't have the $ to fight her in court for custody. Her family has deep pockets and that is one battle being a guy i will lose. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Ok so when she lives with her folks, what is your access to your son? Keep in mind that visitation is not the end of the world. It's interesting that you seem intimidated by her parent's wealth. Is their wealth contributing to your lifestyle via trustfund or generous gifts? Why is she working and who provides childcare? Link to post Share on other sites
WeAllMightBeNuts Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 She's having sex at a dudes house with you guys' son brought over and put on the couch. All I would need to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author huntersdad Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 I guess i have just never been through any of this and being in the service i have heard many horror stories of unfaithful wives and women using kids as pawns and i really don't want any part of that. I think that if we can split like adults that can be avoided. Her parents do not have that much money but they will borrow and get whatever it takes for her to win if i tried to go that route. Link to post Share on other sites
WeAllMightBeNuts Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Play nice, get a good PI, and an attorney. Remember Sun Tzu. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Curious how much her family knows? They're fine with their grandson couch surfing at strange houses? Seems an odd thing to me. I hate that you feel so intimidated. It's gotta be awful and stressful. Let's hope no new children come into this picture. Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 My 4.5 year old son had stayed on some dudes couch while my wife stayed there. Now she is talking like she wants to be together and try and I really don't know what to think. When i confronted her about this guy she says that he is more someone who understands what she is going through and all that BS that girls like to say. She says that they have not had sex either. I really don't know what to think about that. He is early 50's and she is 26. What do you guys think her motives are. BTW i do make like 20k more then her but when she said she originally wanted to leave we made around the same. What more do you need to see here? I think she is 100% having sex with this guy and has already been in an EA with him. She is gone dude. Link to post Share on other sites
Author huntersdad Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 Well i did it. I told her that I couldn't deal with how she disrespected me and my son and told her that i am done trying and this is it. She left and went to live with her mom. As of right now we have arranged ill have hunter a week and she will have him a week and keep trading back. I know this is just a temporary solution. Link to post Share on other sites
JD1977 Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Huntersdad I know it must have been hard, but you did good, she needs to know that whatever she choses to do is on her, but putting your son in that situation is not good, infact it is selfish. I agree completely with every thing Balzac said. Just remember you son will learn how to be treated in a relationship by watching and following you. Make sure you set good boundaries for yourself and your son. Keep us posted on how your doing. Link to post Share on other sites
shiftman Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 You are off to a very good start. I congratulate you. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Yeah i mean i don't believe her either. I am just stating what she has told me. Whenever I try to bring up our relationship she just gets angry like i'm bothering her or something. At this point I would like her to make her mind up and what she wants to do and stick with it. Make up YOUR OWN MIND! Then ACT on that! She's cheating dude! While you're at it - get DNA testing to be sure your son is YOUR son. Give her consequences, swift and harsh. She's not the woman you thought she COULD be. Link to post Share on other sites
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