Affairs can be fatal!

[Mrs-Petite]

I am a new menber but have been lurking for a couple months now. After reading so many posts that I could relate to I felt compelled to share my story.

 

I have been married 3 times which is alot for someone only in their mid 30s but I come from a strict Asian family who arranged my first marriage at 16 to a 38 yr old man I have never met. I was extremely unhappy so after 6 months I ran away with nothing but the clothes on my back. I worked at a fast food place where I met two black women who had a room to rent. In order to pay rent and get to work on time I quit school and at 18 got my GED then put myself through college where I met my 2n'd husband. We only dated a month before we got married. I thought he was perfect! Affectionate, hard working and gives me all he makes to spend how I liked and overall treats me like a queen. Surprisingly my family loved him almost on sight. He has a way of making everyone around him feel like they're best buddies. The only flaw is that he is over protective and extremely jealous. I am not a vain person but I do realize that I am an attractive woman so I attract alot of attention from men of all ages and ethnic background.

 

I have been a featured model in many popular mens magazines such as Playboy, Maxim, Low Rider etc. though I didn't model until my 3rd marriage. Nothing pornographic just glamour and artistic nudes though some people consider any nudity to be porn. I would rather not say who I am but I bring this up only to give an idea of how much attention I get. This was a huge problem for our marriage. He gets angry at anyone looking at me and especially if I look back even when its not on purpose. This caused alot of tension and I began a friendship with a man twice my age. He was my shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. But six months later i realized I had feelins for this man but I still loved my H. Our friendship turned into an affair. My H found out and was devestated. He put a gun to his mouth and ended his life leaving me a note that says he hopes we are together in a next life and that he could be a better H so I wouldn't have to look elswhere because he can't bear the thought of me with anyone else. We were married 6 yrs.

 

Fast forward a year later I married my AP. i know it was soon but I am the kind of person who hates dating and being single. Being married helps keep some of the unwanted attention away and I like having someone to come home to. Anyway before we married i found out he was cheating on his fiance with me. He told me things weren't working out and she had basically broken the engagement. Even though I was upset at just now finding out about this I believed him. Apparently she changed her mind and when she found out about me she became obsessed in getting him back. She was the same age as he was 50 yrs. I was 25 so I think my age and looks pissed her off more. She followed me to work one day and ran me off the road. I totaled my car but was very lucky to only sustain a broken ankle which took 2 yrs to heal. She was arrested and charged with attempted murder and is still serving time. My husband and I are still married and though there is a huge age difference we actually get along great. But to this day I will never be able to forget how much catastrophies we caused due to the affair. I try not to think about it but I had awful nightmares for months and it took a year of counseling and anti depressant meds for me to get back to being semi normal. We have been married 9 yrs now. He was the one who got ne into modeling which I did up until I turned 30. Now I have a great job as a web and multimedia designer. He owns his own business and we do quite well. I do worry that due to our age difference and the fact that women usually outlive men that I will not have him for much longer.

 

To wrap this up I want to say that I have many regrets on how I handled this situation and hope that whoever reads this can learn something from my experience. I should have put more effort int my 2nd marriage because he really was as close to perfect as it gets. Don't get me wrong, I am happy with my current marriage but I could have been even happier if I had found a way to assure my 2nd H that there was no reason to be jealous without turning to an affair. Affairs always end in heartache for one or more persons and in my case it cost a great man his life and my very own was threatened.

 

P.s. i am now 34 yrs going on 35 in August. I put in the wrong year under my profile which I will have to fix but wanted to point this out to avoid confusion.

[Steadfast]

Most domestic violence is centered around infidelity...in large or small measure. It seems most spouses who step out never stop to consider it.

 

Being married to a beautiful woman is not an easy gig. I imagine it's the same with a exceptionally handsome husband, but I have no experience in that.

 

Men are generally shallow creatures, even ones with a high IQ. All to often they evolve to base their identity in the marriage, because the beautiful wife is a prize to be admired and envied. When something -anything- shakes that foundation, it isn't just losing a spouse, it's losing a life. Add on top of that the stripping of one's masculinity, and it's a short fall to the bottom.

 

The wise thing is to not lose yourself in any relationship, and try to love someone from the inside out. Looks fade, but charterer grows with age.

 

Thanks for posting. That's a powerful message.

[GLDheart]

Just Wow. One Betrayed spouse dead and another behind bars....

[Mrs-Petite]

Most domestic violence is centered around infidelity...in large or small measure. It seems most spouses who step out never stop to consider it.

 

Being married to a beautiful woman is not an easy gig. I imagine it's the same with a exceptionally handsome husband, but I have no experience in that.

 

Men are generally shallow creatures, even ones with a high IQ. All to often they evolve to base their identity in the marriage, because the beautiful wife is a prize to be admired and envied. When something -anything- shakes that foundation, it isn't just losing a spouse, it's losing a life. Add on top of that the stripping of one's masculinity, and it's a short fall to the bottom.

 

The wise thing is to not lose yourself in any relationship, and try to love someone from the inside out. Looks fade, but charterer grows with age.

 

Thanks for posting. That's a powerful message.

 

I agree that many men are shallow but my 2nd H (I'll call him M) wasn't that way at all and neither am I. He never treated me like a trophy wife and in fact for the first two years of our marriage he tried to make me appear less attractive by dressing me in horrible shapless dresses that cover me from neck to ankle and not wearing any make-up in the hopes that I will not draw attention. I went along with it to make him happy and because I don't care to be hit on constantly either. When I leave the house alone I pretend to talk on the phone to keep guys from approaching. One day I did this and forgot to turn off the ringer so as I was making a one sided conversation with myself the phone rang. You can imagine my horror as there was a guy standing by waiting for me to hang up so he could talk to me. That is how bad it is. The awful dress code didn't help all that much so I stopped leaving the house alone except when absolutely necessary. I didn't like the attention any more than he did but he was so very insecure that I would leave him for someone rich or better looking nothing I said made any difference. I wish we had tried marriage counseling to help him with this because I know that if he wasn't so jealous and angry all the time we would have been the happiest couple and I would never have cheated but that is no excuse for what I did. No one could compare with how well M treated me and my family and friends, not even my H now. My family disowned me when they found out so I am estranged from them all. They saw him as a saint and I am the evil wife. They are not willing to even meet my H and all my friends have pretty much abandoned me for the same reasons. I lost a great deal out of this mess but all I can do is to make sure not to make the same mistakes again and hope my family can forgive me some day.

[Mrs-Petite]

Just Wow. One Betrayed spouse dead and another behind bars....

 

Yes, if it didn't happen to me I'd say it is a soap opera story. My life has been one big roller coaster ride since I was 12 and only now has settled into something that resembles a normal life.

[Steadfast]

So, after carrying around the huge burden of beauty, being an irresistible sex object and cheating, you take your clothes off for men's magazines?

 

There's a lot of contradiction in your story.

 

I have experience dealing with models. They were some of the most self-absorbed individuals I ever met. Like you, many of them complained and struggled with the attention, but the love/hate relationship they had with it made them and everyone around them miserable. I kept a professional distance, but some would complain that the world was eating them alive, which made me wonder why they'd cover themselves in honey.

 

All that said, yesterday is gone and tomorrow is promised to no one. Today is all we have so make the best of right now. You'd probably dislike your husband comparing you to past lovers (while pining for them) so do him and yourself a favor and resist the temptation to do that to him. Then again, he cheated with a married woman. Some things are hard to forget.

 

It is what it is. You have a message that women tempted to cheat need to hear. That makes your experiences valuable. Use them wisely.