My wife filed for divorce.....

[QuestioningEverythin]

I have an awesome wife, we are of Christian faith, and try to stick to up most of the time. She is a great person, sweet, kind, shes smoking hot, a great mother, and awesome to me. Really no problems whatsoever besides a stroke of financial difficulties over the past 3-4 months. We have the most beautiful and cool little girl... she is sooo awesome, and my wife is 3 and half months pregnant also.

 

We have been together 11 and half years. The one thing we knew about each other (or at least I thought) was that we would never cheat on each other. I knew she would never cheat and she knew I would never cheat, because we both wanted to settle down and we both came out of crazy relationships with pieces of crap that cheated on us all the time. We have had our problems, big and small, but we always got through it. This chick saved my life, I was on the road to nowhere fast and she got me to stop partying and acting like a fool. She really saved me in about every way possible. We really love each other, and everyone could tell that knew us.

 

Well heres the screwed up stuff.... about a year and half ago, I hurt my ear, hurt my back, and my shoulder in a matter of 3 months and started taking pain meds. Well about 3 months into taking the meds, I decided I was going to quit taking the meds because I wanted to see how much better I had gotten. Well, the first day I stopped, I was sick as a dog.... thought I had the flu.....second day, still sick. Then I remembered I had a few friends out of town I had heard were hooked on pain meds so I called one and asked him what the heck was going on.... he said "you are hooked and going thru withdrawals". I thought, heck no. No way. So I called my doctor and told him and his words were "oh, you are addicted to them now so I cant see you", i said "you cannot help me get off?", and he said "no". Cold and f**##d up, right? So anyways, my "friend" (yeah right), started giving them to me so I would be sick and i tried to wean down on my on, well i went up and down and up and down for a while till finally I said screw it and went to an addiction therapist and he helped me quit via a short term medication thats non addictive. So, I took this and it was truly a blessing from God! Awesome.

 

My wife was aware of my problem, I used to talk to her daily about how bad I wanted to stop, how i hated my "friend", my doctor, and myself. I truly felt like a lowlife. Even though I was working and living a normal life, just had to take pills to feel normal. But, when I got off, my wife was so proud, and I mean happy and proud. But, the short term (2 month) meds I took to quit had a small side effect I was not aware of..... loss of sex drive (lasts about 4-6 weeks). Due to this, I only had sex with my wife 1 time in 3-4 weeks, even though she wanted it almost daily. I really felt like a looser deep down, even though i knew it was temporary, because that part of our marriage was always awesome and crazy spactacular!

 

Besides this, everything was fine between us besides some financial problems due to a crooked business partner I had. But because of this financial difficulty and sex drive loss, I really was questioning God, why was this happening? Stupid of me, I know. But then worst happened...... I was eating lunch with my wife in the bed and we finished, walked outside and her parents were outside moving her stuff out, she was leaving me!

 

I asked her why, she finally told me in front of everyone.... she had found 3 short porn flicks on my phone (and yes I know its wrong) and saw where I had tried to pull prank on a friend involving this really unatractive woman. And now, she thinks that I am not attracted to her anymore and must be cheating! This blows my mind!

 

Ok she leaves me and goes to her parents house an hour and half away to our home town where all our families live.

 

In the 11 and half years we have been together, she has left me 6 times counting this one. Everytime there is a problem, I think everything is fine, walk outside or get a knock at the door and her dad is outside ready to move her out. She moves back home with her parents for about a week. Everytime this has happened, she always ignores my calls and texts and emails, and she sends me the most hateful emails and texts, she talks about me to everyone very hatefully, and she has even flirted with guys on Facebook during the seperation, and even keeps my daughter from me. And everytime, I usually sit there begging her back, telling her I love her, go to church and prey, talk to the pastor and counsolers and try to do whats right, and sit and wait on her and just take everything she dishes out. And then she usually comes back after we finally talk and she is back to herself, just an angel. Its amazing.

 

But this time has been different, these seperations she does usually occur like clockwork about every 1 and half to 2 years. All she talks about is a family, we even just planned this baby and she is 3 months pregnant, planned! I have given up friends, family, and even medical school and a career as a doctor to be with this woman. For 11 and half years I have shown her repeatedly how much I loved her. I thought that my being faithful to her was the one thing she would never doubt.

 

Since the seperation 3 weeks ago today, she has slanderred the ever-living heck out of me on Facebook with lies and more lies, sent the most evil crazy texts and emails you can imagine, her mother is telling her to question everything I have told her for the past year or so, which I have had to go around and get proof to shut her mothers mouth.... and suprise suprise.... even with proof she still is fueling my wife to hate me. I cannot have a reasonable conversation with her. I cannot even talk to her. I have spoken with her father. I havent seen my kid.

 

I miss my wife, I love my wife, and would crawl to Australia over broken glass just to swin through an ocean of alcohol to just get a look at her.

 

 

The first week we were apart it was all crazy yelling and Facebook slandering, yadayadayada.... well finially her dad tells her that this is all bull and that theres no way I would cheat on her. (NOW THIS IS HER DAD!!!), and that everything Ive said turned out to be true. The next day we talk, she is actually calm and nice, though still talking the "D" word. Her mothers sees this and tells her that I came there threatening to take our daughter away from her in court (yeah right, Im trying to get her back.... Im gonna threated her). My wife calls me, I came over, she begins to hit me in the head, yelling the whole time as soon as i get there.... I say F&@# this and run for the car. Before I can leave the COPS pull up behind me because her trashy friend whom I had never met took it upon herself to call them. They take me to jail for disorderly conduct, simple battery (and i have knots on my head and shes looking perfect), 3rd degree child neglect (means yelling in front of a child) (and our child was NOT EVEN there) then takes out a restraining order on me, and one on me for our 5 year old. So, I get to spend the night in jail (isnt life awesome)..... Luckily though, there was a child molester and 2 murderers in the cell with me to make sure I could figure out how to use the payphone to call my attorney and get to put up $25,000 worth of property! Luckily, my parents and some other family members have a good deal of influence in this smaller town and we know judges, sheriff, ect.... ..... how bout them apples... any opinion?

 

Moral of my two part little post..... DONT EVER SAY, THINGS COULDNT GET ANY WORSE!!

 

Because she filed for divorce Friday, and piled up a ton of lies in the divorce papers. How do I get through to this woman before she destroys our kids and rips our family apart. Any help please!?!? I will be up for a while. This is driving me insane, loosing your family over stupid make believe mess and a man hating meddling mother-in-law. What do you do?

Edited July 2, 2012 by QuestioningEverythin

[malzy]

Ah sir, what a mess you found yourself in. I dont understand her change of heart but since you are christian's say that's what Jesus would do is at least "hear me out." Be accommodating, say you will give her what she wants if only she would grant you time to explain. Show rock solid proof and if she still wants a divorce then she must have never loved him. Ever.

If she still divorces you, i am sorry. Very sorry, but an evil meddling mother inlaw is hell. And reason enough alone to divorce. A marriage should not be so fragile.

[amaysngrace]

She sounds really immature to keep running back to mommy and daddy. I say let them have her for a while, more than just a week or two, and they'll all start to drive each other crazy.

 

You should chill sit back and enjoy how it's all going to play out.

 

But you definitely do need to go to court to file papers for visitation. Do that immediately.

[Exit]

I'm a bit confused because this seems mostly to be the same thread you posted on the 27th and you had a lot of replies from people. All I see added is the detail that your wife has actually filed the papers now.

 

I don't think you can do much in terms of her putting lies into the divorce paperwork. If you try to contact her and talk her out of anything it'll just give her more ammunition against you and you'll start a big argument. It sounded like her father was partially on your side because you mentioned that he told her you would never cheat on her. He seems like your only potential ally in all of this but then again he will forever be on her "team" just because they are family, so trying to work through him could also blow up in your face.

 

At this point if I were in your shoes I would not necessarily try to talk her out of the divorce entirely, but I might try to reach out to her and ask if it can at least be done on civil terms, stop the mud slinging, stop the lies, she can file for divorce just based on the fact that you have irreconcilable differences and she doesn't need to drag your name through the mud. It might even catch her off guard if you sound agreeable to the divorce and only mention that you want it to be calm and civil. Be the bigger person here and other people will hear about it and hopefully back you up. Tell your wife that your ultimate concern is doing what is best for your child and that you are accepting of the end of the marriage if it is truly what she wants but that you don't have to tear each other apart during the process.

 

You mentioned in your last reply to your original thread that you stumbled upon a great job offer just by running into someone you knew it town and it sounded like things were starting to fall into place for you. Focus on the good things that are going on. You said you were also finding help in your faith and believing that this is about your wife and her issues and that maybe this is just what she needs to do. You said you will always love her and that is totally understandable, you aren't being a doormat to admit that you will always care for the mother of your child but you can make a choice between being a doormat or not when it comes to dealing with her during this process. Stand your ground, tell her she can go if it is truly what she wants but to stop spreading lies about you and to keep the child's best interest in mind. That's the best you can do. Do not beg or plead or anything like that or it will just make it look like the things she says about you are true and that you actually have a reason to be begging for her to change her mind. Do your best to stay calm cool and collected, tell her you are okay with this if it is what needs to happen, stand up tall and deal with business.

Edited July 2, 2012 by Exit

[YellowShark]

Wow. Addiction, porn, infidelity, money problems, medical problems, personal attacks on Stupidbook, divorce... Your god really must dislike you for all the crap he's putting you through. And don't tell me it's "a test" of your faith. That insults my intelligence.

[GLDheart]

... Your god really must dislike you for all the crap he's putting you through. And don't tell me it's "a test" of your faith. That insults my intelligence.

 

Yet your signature message is:

 

""Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.""

 

Without even getting into religion it is confilting a bit.

[worldgonewrong]

Wow. Addiction, porn, infidelity, money problems, medical problems, personal attacks on Stupidbook, divorce... Your god really must dislike you for all the crap he's putting you through. And don't tell me it's "a test" of your faith. That insults my intelligence.

 

Ahhh, we've reached the 'take a dump on Jesus' portion of the thread.

[M30USA]

If porn is infidelity worthy of divorce, then God help marriage in this nation.

[QuestioningEverythin]

Hey, porn is definitely wrong. And Im sure it makes some women insecure. But, when you have been together 11.5 years and NEVER been ANY reason to suspect cheating and NEVER been any signs or eveidence of pronography problems, and the entire 11.5 years you have been all over your wife like a rabbit in heat, then because of financial problems and other bull you dont feel like screwing for 2 weeks and you MUST BE CHEATING. LOL! I believe it is a little moronic to think a few porn filcks means you are not attracted to her anymore.

 

This is the kicker, all the pron clips (3 only) were off a site called PornHub.com, and it is a library of clips from other sites. Just as Limewire pulls all its music from other people, and one of the clips was off a site she said call something about "ex girlfriends???" ???. .... so she thinks this means I was my ex girlfriend, even though she is an eveil manipulative pig who has a soul made of dogcrapp.

 

I had been really upset, but over the past few days I have been around some successful and intelligent individuals who were very amused and inquisitive about my wife's "run to mommy and daddy" syndrome. And, I have to say, I agree with them 110% now.... and thats she always talked and talked and talked about family family family, she wanted a family. Well I gave her the family, heck, shes 3.5 months pregnant right now.... well, I think the only family she really wanted was her parents to show her some more attention. She is still a CHILD and wants mommy and daddy's attention. She always hounded me about not talking to my parents, and I agreed, they were jerks.... so I didnt, and not because of her, but because I thought they were jerks. But, come on man.... get real... who really is serious about a famiy, and loves their children for real, and runs out the door over anything without even talking to their husband first! In my opinion, if you even cared about your kids at ALL, for anything except being a trophy to dress up in desiner clothes and events, you would at least want to talk to their father before called daddy to come save you from the big bad porn addict, LOL.

 

Sorry for the sarcasm, but I have really had some time to meditate, and have been around some NORMAL sane families the past few days and saw how they acted together.... and let me tell you.... there are plenty of other fish in the sea, and some fish with normal unwierdo folks who dont crap on their kids, and who are mature enough to deal with problems like adults!

 

Dont get me wrong, I might take her back today, like an idiot! But, the whining and moaning from me is over. She wants out... theres the door. Her folks act like my wife has put up with alot and deserves better. Well my mind is cleared now.... and I deserve better. And I thoroughly believe, next guy in the picture wont be near as understanding when she leaves him for a week over some bull. Or lies about him to people. And I can dang sure tell you this.... he dang sure wont put up with her mama like I did and try to kiss her butt!

 

I think she has been brainwashed by franken-mother-in-law... that the grass is greener on the other side, but Im thinking that when she gets over there that she might realize......"thats not grass, its poison ivy!"

 

When Im with a woman, I am WITH HER! and JUST HER! same as my ex. But, when Im done with you, I am done, there is no rebounds.. my love is unconditional up to a point. And I have loved this one through some messed up stuff she has done and never got an "Im sorry" for anything. And everytime I sneezed I was having to beg forgiveness. My patients has about wore thin with this yahoos!

 

If yall pray.... say a prayer for my wife and for me and my kids! I would love to work it out, but honestly (read my entire post if you dont know the story... its under "she says she wants a divorce", first 2 posts in the thread), I am FRIGGING TIRED OF TRYING TO DEFEND MYSELF FOR IDIOTIC MICKEY MOUSE BULL THAT A BLIND DOG COULD MAKE SENSE OF WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A NOD IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION!

 

Thanks all, I appreciate the posts on this thread and my other one, it has really helped my to realize what I have been too love blind to see for a long time..... and thats I loved her and wanted a family... but she hasnt firgured out what those things are or mean yet!

 

Thanks again!|

[Jethro]

Give her the divorce as soon as possible. That part is simple.

[Chi townD]

She baited you, dude. And you took it hook line and sinker! She wanted you over there probably at the advice of her trashy friend so she could get you into an arguement and as soon as it started, BAM!! Friend was on the phone with the cops probably saying that you were a hair away from beating everyone to death. NOW, she files for divorce and I'm sure that incident is PLASTERED all over those papers! Let me guess, she wants Sole, 100%, custody of the kids with maximum child support, maximum alimony and all martial assets. She wants the RO in place and supervised visitation. She wanted to rake you over the coals and set you up to do JUST THAT!

 

Okay, here's the deal. You need to get a bulldog lawyer and see about getting some of those charges removed, if you say your family has some juice, have them cash in on some favors.

 

Your wife is gone. That "angel" is an alien now. You need to look out for yourself and your kids. NO ONE ELSE! Do not contact her, do not e-mail her, text her ANYTHING!!! Block her from Facebook. You don't want to read lies anyway. Get to a lawyer ASAP!!

[reboot]

I have an awesome wife

 

How did you type this with a straight face?

[Steadfast]

Ahhh, we've reached the 'take a dump on Jesus' portion of the thread.

 

Agree. No room for that but YellowShark is a great poster. That response is an exception, not a rule.

 

You've done no favors for yourself OP, but if a spouse is looking for a reason to leave, it won't take them long to find one. The red flag here is her history of leaving; leading to a suspicion that your wife has control issues. If both spouses do (have experience..) it's a volatile situation.

 

Marriages survive if both parties want it. I suspect you're leaving information out OP...about both you and your wife. You say you're asking for advice on how to 'get through' to her, but what you really want to know is to what to say so she'll return. Even if I knew, I wouldn't suggest that.

 

The right path to take is to vow that you won't ask of her anything you're not willing to do yourself, then back it up with action. Talk is cheap.

Edited July 6, 2012 by Steadfast

[Steen719]

I asked her why, she finally told me in front of everyone.... she had found 3 short porn flicks on my phone (and yes I know its wrong) and saw where I had tried to pull prank on a friend involving this really unatractive woman. And now, she thinks that I am not attracted to her anymore and must be cheating! This blows my mind!

 

UGH...really? How old are you and I'm sorry for the "religion" card here, but you are a Christian? Heaven help us!