Elizabeth03 Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Hello, I recently told a small lie to my husband about where I got my haircut. I told him I went to the salon near us, but really went to Supercuts for a $9 cut. I have no idea why I lied! He is so nice, and never would've thought twice about it. But for some reason, I felt a compulsive need to lie, as if Supercuts is that bad of a thing. I feel awful now. Growing up, I lived in a household where my mom compulsively lied to everyone. I vowed not to be like that, and actually have done a good job of not telling small lies. We lied to my dad because of his anger issues. However, I'm afraid that I'm opening up a door by telling this lie. Do you think I should tell him the truth?I'm worried that he will think I have been lying about a lot more,which I haven't. I don't want him to find out from someone else, like when he goes to get a haircut. This sounds so stupid, but what should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 I think you're exagerating, but let's look at the options : - you do not tell him, and you may slide down this scale ... you are afraid that it is addictive. - you do tell him, and he may overreact by either believing you hide more or by bestowing so much trust on you that it might make it easier for you in the future to get away with a bigger lie. Does he know what you wrote about your mom ? Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Just tell him Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elizabeth03 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 He does know about my family. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 If you don't tell him now, you might lie about something bigger later. Trust him to help you not end up in that situation. Do you have that kind of trust in him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elizabeth03 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 I'm just worried that he is going to not trust me. I feel so stupid about lying about something so insignificant. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Come clean and just deal with it. It probably won't be that big of a deal to him if you explain it the way you've explained it here. But don't be afraid of his reaction...yes, care....but be more concerned with your own guilty conscience. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 I would say just what you have posted. He probably won't care either way but it unsettling for yourself so say just that, you aren't sure why you lied, it is bothering you and you would like to correct it by telling him the truth. You are doing so to help figure out why you choose to lie about such an innocuous thing. While it is better if we do not make mistakes, do the wrong thing, etc. We don't learn through our successes but through our mistakes. Here is an opportunity for your to look at the why, figure it out and what you will do in the figure. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 I think if this is the worst thing you ever lie about, your husband is a very lucky man. Just fess up. The fact that you feel so guilty about this small lie should be assurance enough that you aren't capable of telling a bigger lie. He has little to worry about. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 Tell him you cheated on him with his best friend, then say, "nah just kidding, but I did lie about where I got my haircut". He won't even care about the haircut then. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
never93mind Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 God! you husband is such a lucky man that you feel guilty for such a small lie! But, I see your point... One thing that takes the pressure off you, go ahead and lie, but then instantly tell your husband that you lied. That is a good combination that takes the pressure and guilt off. Link to post Share on other sites
Fugu Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 Hello, I recently told a small lie to my husband about where I got my haircut. I told him I went to the salon near us, but really went to Supercuts for a $9 cut. I have no idea why I lied! He is so nice, and never would've thought twice about it. But for some reason, I felt a compulsive need to lie, as if Supercuts is that bad of a thing. I feel awful now. Growing up, I lived in a household where my mom compulsively lied to everyone. I vowed not to be like that, and actually have done a good job of not telling small lies. We lied to my dad because of his anger issues. However, I'm afraid that I'm opening up a door by telling this lie. Do you think I should tell him the truth?I'm worried that he will think I have been lying about a lot more,which I haven't. I don't want him to find out from someone else, like when he goes to get a haircut. This sounds so stupid, but what should I do? I wouldn't worry about it. There are lies, and then there are lies. It's not that I condone lying -- I applaud you for at least checking your own thought process here. But maybe just come clean with him if it's really bugging you, or just let it go. I know that this is not the thing I should say on LS, but researchers have shown in study after study that most of us lie once in a while, about one thing or another. So you lied about getting at a salon when in fact you went some place cheaper. I don't know about others but that's one lie I could live with. lol! Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 I think you should really think hard about what your motivation to lie was. If you were a habitual liar, I can see why it would be automatic for you to lie about something insignificant. But this is your first lie. So what was it about this situation that prompted you to lie? Compulsive liars (your mom) lie because it's what they do. It becomes a automatic response. Other people usually lie to avoid conflict, consequences , to hide hurtful behavior or to spare someone's feelings. You may also have lied to gain a feeling of control. If you feel controlled by your husband or feel resentment towards him, you may have lied to gain back a sense of control. This could be your secret way to "one up" him. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 But this wasn't just some random, meaningless, compulsive lie. This seemingly "innocuous lie" is actually a canary in the coal mine. It is perfectly understandable for someone who perhaps has a compulsive shopping problem, or is fighting with their spouse about money, to spend "too much money" and then lie about that to cover it up. But there is no reason at all to lie about spending less money (salon vs. Supercuts). So it's not the cost, it's the location of where she got her hair cut that is important. No woman is going to cheap out on a haircut by going from salon to Supercuts if she thinks the husband is OK with it and the cost is not an issue. The hair appointment was an excuse to be somewhere outside of her husband's ability to monitor. What do cheaters do to cover up their activities? They say they are going to be one place but are really in another place. OP had to come back home with her hair cut or styled because that's what she told her husband she was going to do. Since she got it done much more cheaply, there would have been no reason to lie. She could have said "Honey I got a great deal on a hair cut, I went to Supercuts instead of the salon, I saved $30!" I'm not saying she was actually cheating per se. Maybe it has nothing to do with marital infidelity. But the OP had a reason to go to that particular location instead of the salon and a reason to lie to her husband about it. And she knows what it is. I think you are making some amazing assumptions and projecting. Why not ask the OP why she felt the need to lie? Why would she come on here, a board where she is unknown and lie here as well? Why would she need advice from others then? That seems to be a whole lot of effort for what reason? Usually people follow K I S S. I would take at face value until a true reason is given otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
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