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Been while since your divorce? How have YOU changed for the better?


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My ex really was too bitchy. She really did start the vast majority of our arguments. And I indelibly ended some of those arguments. There was never any violence. Sometimes, when I had enough and I'd loose my temper, I would say things that could hurt her in a way that only someone as close to her as me could do. This, I believe, permanently destroys real intimacy and trust.

 

Our divorce was hell for me. If for the most part, you stay single, at the end of this process you can't run from the reality of your own mistakes. It no longer matters who was more wrong. This whole thing, by definition, isn't about her anymore. I've learned, and changed who I am for the better not for her, but for me. Whether romance, family or friendships, people need each other.

 

Sometimes, you may feel so angry and hurt that you think you have to "get even." Do it and you're cutting off your nose to spite your face. The next time you're wondering whether you should say that mean thing you'd like to say: think it, write it down, swear you'll say it to her a week later, whatever; use any mental trick you have to use, but DON'T say it!

 

Now I'd like to learn from one of your salient mistakes.

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