mellowkelo Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 I have had this problem for over a year now that my husband doesnt seem to find me sexually attractive, i take full responsibility for the way i look (i have gained weight and struggled to lose it since our daughter was born 6years ago) but i find his lack of affection hurtful and upsetting. i have tried to talk to him and he always says hes just tired/had a long night at work/stressed about money etc.. when he does open up he tells me he loves me and doesnt want us to split but that he doesnt know why he isnt passionate anymore. he doesnt have the opportunity to cheat (and insists he never would anyway) but i cant carry on in a relationship where i am rejected day after day. i try sending naughty pics whike hes at work and dressing up for him but hes never interested and when we do have sex although its good its not very often and when i try to instigate and be sexy he laughs at me, i am a passionate person and dont know what to do, i dont feel its a good enough reason to leave him but the thought of spending my life being pushed away fills me with dread. iv been tempted by other men who show me affection bt would never cheat on my husband as i love him. knowing there are men out there who are passionate and affectionate makes me crave freedom..... help Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 I was in a relationship with a man who truly, truly cared for me and was very, very, very good to me. But, there was one problem and it overshadowed everything. He didn't show me affection. We made love twice in 5 years. He kissed me on the forehead when he left for the day. He was not attracted to me, plus he had sexual issues. But he was always there for me. He wasn't out running the streets, he slept by my side, he was home in his free time spending time with me. But in the end it was too much for me because it was too hard day after day feeling unwanted. I would fantasy about my most recent ex at that time and the summer before I was to leave town forever, I cheated on my bf with that ex. I thought I was justified because I was moving and never coming back...and because my bf touched me twice in 5 years. But I still shouldn't have done that. I stayed because I had no money and nowhere to go, but I still shouldn't have cheated. Today we are wonderful friends, but I regret what I did to him. I now know that I can't be in a relationship where there is ongoing situations of no physical affection: no romatic holding, no kissing on the lips, no hand holding no sex, no nuzzling, no snuggling, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 Have you tried marriage counselling? Link to post Share on other sites
hypersonic Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 There are several medical/medication issues that can cause a lack of sex drive. Low testosterone, high blood pressure, several antidepressants, etc. Have you asked him to go to his dr to see if this is the case? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mellowkelo Posted July 3, 2012 Author Share Posted July 3, 2012 Thankyou for your replies we have spoken on more than one occassion about how i feel lately i have offered marriage councilling and also individual councelling aswell as suggesting we have a weeks break to see how we feel apart. he refuses all suggestions. i have told him if nothing changes we will have no choice but to aplit but its as if hes in denial or doesnt take me seriously, he doesnt talk to me indepth and always ends a conversation about our marriage by going to bed as hea 'knackered' dispite regularly having arguements and even civil conversations about our lack of intimacy he always says iv put him on the spot nhe hasnt really thought about it. its infuriating as just feels like he cant be bothered to fix us . Link to post Share on other sites
neiljohnson85 Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 It sounds like maybe he is a bit scared and nothing personal to any men but I have learned that when men get scared or unsure they pull away from the ones that are trying to love them the most. Being pregnant and on a hormonal rollercoaster only makes you feel worse. my hubby always told me pregnant women are the most beautiful women. And maybe your hubby feels that way too but is scared you'll think he is lying because that's not how you feel. I know with our first prgnancy after I started getting bigger my hubby was scared to have sex for fear of hurting the baby. I read this article that showed that first time parents usually do not have sex but maybe once a month during pregnancy. Give him time after the baby is born and see if he doesn't change. But don't give up on him. Link to post Share on other sites
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