Permission to Cheat

[Aviationstud]

I need the opinion of a wise woman. I have a girlfriend that I've been with for about a year. She recently gave me permission to sleep with other women and still be with her at the same time. This is something she volunteered without me asking for anything of the sort. Needless to say, I was taken back by what she said. I expressed to her that I felt really weird after hearing her say that. I told her that I don't even want another woman, just her. We dropped the subject and then it came up again about 6 months later. It came up after she admitted to lying about something else about her past that happened before me. I again was taken back by what it is that might cause her to say such a thing. By the way, it's not because she's freaky or anything like that.

 

So why would she say this? My first thought was that she must have cheated on me and that this was a way to make things right in her mind without having to admit to it. I went so far as to ask her about it but she claims that this never happened. Still, I feel that whatever the specifics are, she had to have made this concession out of guilt for something. This isn't the kind of thing that a person does just to be nice. In reality, she's rather jealous and gets upset when I even look at other girls in front of her. That only adds to the mystery. Should I go with the notion that she has cheated and is too afraid to admit to it or is there something else that might be the case? What would it take for other women to allow their man to have sex with other woman and still be OK with it? Why would a woman think this way?

[dudesomewhere]

that's guilt for cheating man, plan and simple.

 

ah, when a relationship is built on DISHONESTY it's gotta last!

 

hehe

[innocent112]

if it is not that she cheated and she said that it was something that happened before you look at it from a jerry springers point of view. Maybe she was a prostitute or a stripper and had sex with guys for money before she met you. Now she met someone that she loves (which is you) and she feels guilty that she slept with all these other guys before you. You should also get checked out to . Maybe she contracted an std, slept with you then found out that she had one later on. To cover it up she said you can sleep with other women to cover up her mistake, so you think you got it from someone else and not her. I know this sounds bizzare but this world isn't perfect, people do some crazy stuff out there.

[meanon]

I really don't know but the things that occured to me are:

 

She would like to sleep with a woman (most likely)

She suspects you want to sleep with other women and is testing you

She wants an open relationship

She has cheated in the past (unlikely).

 

The most important thing is to regain trust, at the moment you do not believe what she has told you. I'd start with the lie she has admitted to telling you about her past. Explain the importance of having no secrets and ask her what she fears will happen if she tells you. Reassure her if you can. Good luck.

[Bryanp]

To Aviationstud,

 

I think your analysis of the situation is right on target. She more than likely has cheated on you and she is trying to relieve her guilt. Nobody in their right mind would accept this unless she has somebody now or somebody in the future that she would like to sleep with. I think this is a huge red flag. You need to deal with this now. There is something very wrong going on and I think you know this. Ask yourself why you would wish to be in a relationship with a women who continues to tell you to sleep with other women if you like? I think you know the truth. She cheated on you or is planning to cheat on you.

[honey2005]

If she hasn't cheated on you, maybe she's planning on it later? Or maybe her friends or someone else has put into her mind that men don't want to stick to just one girl, and she feels if she doesn't let you know you can, you will stop loving her or cheat on her and not tell her about it.

[Bojickwoman]

Maybe she is thinking about cheating on you and will be able to justify it if you were to sleep with someone else also. By giving you permission to sleep with someone else, perhaps she feels that is the "green light" for her to pursue cheating on you. Sounds like you both need to sit down and have a long talk about this.

[twalkoe]

Stud,

 

I have to admit, this is a strange one. I, for one, would have a huge problem if my b/f told me that I could sleep with other men. It wouldn't make me think he cheated, it would make me feel like he didn't love me anymore.

 

So that maybe one solution...maybe she's falling out of love and is trying to get you to move on early as to not hurt you in a break up.

 

The second thing that comes to mind, is that maybe she is dropping hints that she would like to invite another girl to a sex session with the two of you. Potentially, she is feeling out what your response would be.

 

But, seriously, the most likely thing is that she is insecure about your relationship and is trying to find out how committed you are by throwing out an absurd statement to get your reaction. She probably needs some sort of reassurance from you, that even the thought of sleeping with another woman, makes your stomach turn.

 

I doubt highly that she cheated. Think of it this way... If you cheated, and regretted it, kept it a secret as to not lose the person that you love...would you give them your permission to go out and have sex with another??? Not me!

 

Talk to her!!! Tell her half laughing that you think she wants a threesome and see what she says!

[moodyblues]

I agree with everyone else that she probably has either cheated or she was setting up a situation to cheat on you. Other than that, is she Borderline?

[Mr Spock]

They are all plausible explanations. You need to sit down with her and tell her you're thinking ALL of these thoughts, and if she refuses to be honest or you're unsatisfied with her explanation, get out of the relationship.