Emme Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 She knows I love her very much. Of that I have absolutely no doubt. When was the last time you told her face to face you loved her.... When was the last time you reassured her that soon you will be one.... was that even on the table. Is begging beneath you... If you love this woman do what you need to do. When you are in love you take risks. Is she worth embarrassing yourself for.... If she is you have a lot of work to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author samj420 Posted July 5, 2012 Author Share Posted July 5, 2012 I have never stopped telling her I love her. In fact she herself told me that she has never experienced love like this (mutual). My wife was my first love (30 years). And this was my second love. So you see when it comes to relationships I am a green horn. Despite that, she knows even to this day that I truly love her. No question. Over the last year, I have embarrassed myself enough over and over again. She would not answer the phone. Then I had to resort to masking my calls and pretend I was the pizza delivery guy. She would then talk to me. I wish she was not a flip-flop. One day we would be talking about the impending divorce and a honeymoon. The next day she is nowhere in sight for weeks, only to resurface and talk about love and togetherness. I know she was torn, but she also knew I was diligently working towards a divorce. Unfortunately, in the meantime, I suspect she met another guy who probably swept her off her feet. If so, I am truly happy for her. And I mean it. A wonderful woman whose happiness is long overdue. I just wish she had the courage to admit it. That is all. My kids accepted it and they were sad to see the goal I was working towards did not materialize. But I know they want me to be happy. It was a wonderful 5 1/2 years. I have no regrets. I once again learned what it is to love and be loved. Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 I have never stopped telling her I love her. I need a date. month/day/year. When was the last time. No phone calls.. face to face. And this was my second love. Is that to say you've given up or she's not worth fighting for. Was... isn't IS. Despite that, she knows even to this day that I truly love her. No question. Over the last year, I have embarrassed myself enough over and over again. She would not answer the phone. Then I had to resort to masking my calls and pretend I was the pizza delivery guy. She would then talk to me. That is not embarrassing. Think bigger. How about the whole entire town knowing your the idiot professing your love outside her window. Even getting arrested because you don't understand the word NO or GO AWAY. That's embarrassing... a phone call is nothing. I wish she was not a flip-flop. I beg your pardon Mr. 5 1/2 years. One day we would be talking about the impending divorce and a honeymoon. The next day she is nowhere in sight for weeks, only to resurface and talk about love and togetherness. I know she was torn, but she also knew I was diligently working towards a divorce. Sounds like an affair to me. Sounds just right. Unfortunately, in the meantime, I suspect she met another guy who probably swept her off her feet. If so, I am truly happy for her. And I mean it. A wonderful woman whose happiness is long overdue. It sounds like a nice thing to say but you would rather she was happy with you. I just wish she had the courage to admit it. That is all. My kids accepted it and they were sad to see the goal I was working towards did not materialize. But I know they want me to be happy. It was a wonderful 5 1/2 years. I have no regrets. I once again learned what it is to love and be loved. She has the same courage you had. Are you willing to wait 5 1/2 years. I'm happy you have no regrets. She truly meant something to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author samj420 Posted July 6, 2012 Author Share Posted July 6, 2012 Yes she did. My psychologist tells me she is not worth it. The world tells me to move on. Only I know what it was like. But I have truly exhausted all avenues. If she never contacts me again then it was never meant to be. "To have loved and lost is better than not having loved at all". Thank you all for you inputs. I truly appreciate it Link to post Share on other sites
Author samj420 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 I did an in-house separation starting 2008. I was even paying here a separate maintenance. Yes, my daughter is better able to process the information now than before. I WAS a man and told here EVEN before I met the OW that I wanted a divorce Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 I need a date. month/day/year. When was the last time. No phone calls.. face to face. Is that to say you've given up or she's not worth fighting for. Was... isn't IS. That is not embarrassing. Think bigger. How about the whole entire town knowing your the idiot professing your love outside her window. Even getting arrested because you don't understand the word NO or GO AWAY. That's embarrassing... a phone call is nothing. I beg your pardon Mr. 5 1/2 years. Sounds like an affair to me. Sounds just right. It sounds like a nice thing to say but you would rather she was happy with you. She has the same courage you had. Are you willing to wait 5 1/2 years. I'm happy you have no regrets. She truly meant something to you. I'm not sure what you are advising the OP to do. That he should force himself into her life despite her protests? Oh that's really romantic in the movies but in real life it's not romantic at all. It's rather scary in fact. If she does not want to see or talk to the OP then he needs to respect that and give her space. Let her work this out on her own and come back on her own accord. Getting someone to be with you because you wore them down with stalking them or put so much pressure on them that they couldn't think clearly isn't very fulfilling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author samj420 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 As i see it, there are only two options: A) the day I am divorced,. I send her a text. Possible outcome: she will ignore it as usual. B) Drive 5 hours all the way to Richmond to her house. And I will be faced with these possible scenarios: 1) I will see his car in the driveway, which means he is living there, in which I drive back w/o making contact. 2) I knock on the door and she either opens the door or shuts the door in my face. If she opens the door.... I am not sure what to expect. I have already been humiliated. I am not sure I am ready for another one. My heart (the irrational part of me) tells me to go there to get closure; my mind (the rational part) says I don't have to go there. Closure is from within. Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 I'm not sure what you are advising the OP to do. That he should force himself into her life despite her protests? Oh that's really romantic in the movies but in real life it's not romantic at all. It's rather scary in fact. If she does not want to see or talk to the OP then he needs to respect that and give her space. Let her work this out on her own and come back on her own accord. Getting someone to be with you because you wore them down with stalking them or put so much pressure on them that they couldn't think clearly isn't very fulfilling. Samj420 posts are not informative enough for me. What I want to know is how has he professed his love to this woman who's been waiting almost 6 years. There was a break down somewhere. When I asked when was the last time he had a face to face conversation which hopefully reaffirmed his love for her, he didn't give me date. Not even a month. When was the last time? that's the question. His idea of embarrassment is her not reciprocating over the phone. A phone... a phone... Not I went to her house rang the door bell and begged. Told her that I will wait for her as long as she needs me to because I love her. It's not about being romantic. Has he put in the effort is my question. Stop with the reading of the minds and speculations. Nothing in life will come to you willingly without you putting in the work. It's like people who sit at home and think a job is going to fly through the window right into their lap. You have to do the footwork sometimes instead waiting on the phone listening to elevator music. Stalking isn't my suggesting. My deal is what have you done other than a phone call. His standpoint is she should already know how I feel so there is no need for me to speak on it. That approach isn't going to work for him anymore because he's posting on LS. He's hurting. So he has his choice to make. Put in the work or walk away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author samj420 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 Let me see if i can make this more simple. She dumped me June 24 , 2011 face to face. She never wanted to see me again till I was divorced. This left me with very little choice but to resort to emails, text and phone calls. Once I even took the initiative and booked a ticket to go see her on sept 29, the anniversary of her mother's death. I thought she would be so sad that she would probably want to be with someone she knew who could comfort her. She knew I was coming. When I called her the night before to confirm, she ignored my call. I had to cancel my flight and hotel reservations. On numerous occasions I have hinted that I would like to see her, but no response. But now as my divorce is getting closer, she has completely disappeared. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that she has met someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Let me see if i can make this more simple. She dumped me June 24 , 2011 face to face. She never wanted to see me again till I was divorced. This left me with very little choice but to resort to emails, text and phone calls. Once I even took the initiative and booked a ticket to go see her on sept 29, the anniversary of her mother's death. I thought she would be so sad that she would probably want to be with someone she knew who could comfort her. She knew I was coming. When I called her the night before to confirm, she ignored my call. I had to cancel my flight and hotel reservations. On numerous occasions I have hinted that I would like to see her, but no response. But now as my divorce is getting closer, she has completely disappeared. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that she has met someone else. Thank you for sharing. Now lets see... When she told you what I bolded above. She said then and only then will I want to have anything to do with you (don't call, write, morse code). If that is the case. You are still married. Not divorced. When you get the happy blue paper what is your plan? Let's not make any speculations. Lets not give up without following this through if you say you love this woman. That is my point. Don't want for this not to be. Do as you were asked, the same as she did these past 6 years for you. Wait. Then when everything is to her specification, you've followed the yellow line to the very end and she's not there to reciprocate, then you know. That's all I'm saying. This woman has probably endured so much that she possibly doesn't want to deal with your sh*t and her defense mechanism is active. She won't allow you to hurt her with promises. You want to walk off the yellow line before you get to the end that's on you. You want this woman do as she asks and don't complain. If she's not at the end of the yellow line when you get there at least you know you kept your word and did as she asked. You remained true. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 She is now 54 and I am 59. Perhaps she has decided to move on and found another person. Perhaps, life is too short to wait for someone just because they don't want to pay child support. But i would have expected her to tell me the truth. Sorry, but I don't think people that cheat, and those that cheat with them are owed the truth. An affair is what it is, one big lie and betrayal. After what you have done, why do you feel you are owed the truth. Perhaps she perceived you chose finances over her. And don't say you didn't. The only reason to wait until after high school is child support. Because if it was to spare your children, I don't think you'd want to burden them with your betrayal of their mother when they are starting college. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author samj420 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Share Posted July 10, 2012 Let us hope oyu will never be in my shoes Link to post Share on other sites
Author samj420 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Share Posted July 10, 2012 Emme I might just do that. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 Let us hope oyu will never be in my shoes I never will be. Its a choice. I don't date married or committed women. And if I do date one and find out later they lied and are married, they are history. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author samj420 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 Happy for you. May I ask what you are doing in this section of the forum? Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Happy for you. May I ask what you are doing in this section of the forum? Because there are people that are experienced with situations like yours, whether they be a cheater, those that are willing to help them cheat, or those that are being crapped on by the former 2. I'm sorry if what I said, which more than likely is the truth, you did not like. Link to post Share on other sites
delirious Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 (edited) Because there are people that are experienced with situations like yours, whether they be a cheater, those that are willing to help them cheat, or those that are being crapped on by the former 2. I'm sorry if what I said, which more than likely is the truth, you did not like. Not you then, you are just here to beat him with a stick!! I do not think your posts are helping him so why are you here, exactly Edited July 11, 2012 by delirious Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 (edited) Not you then, you are just here to beat him with a stick!! I do not think your posts are helping him so why are you here, exactly What is someone wanting help with exactly that chose money over them, expected them to wait for them for YEARS, and then thinks that the person that didn't want to wait a decade or more owes them anything? He thinks she owes him some kind of truth. I am letting him know she doesn't owe him anything. If he wants to know what she is thinking, then he needs to hear all the angles, not just someone stroking him and telling him he is entitled to the truth from someone he basically threw away. I will say that at least he finally set his wife free so she can move on and rebuild her life. Edited July 11, 2012 by nofool4u Link to post Share on other sites
Author samj420 Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 Bravo ! You seem to know my whole life story in these short paragraphs. At least I have the balls to get a divorce. Have you read the other posts in the OW/OM forum? Many of them just want to have their cake and eat it too and have NO intention of divorcing. If you wish to berate someone, maybe you would do better to address them. I would appreciate no advice from you. Thanks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 She dumped me June 24 , 2011 face to face. She never wanted to see me again till I was divorced. Then do your divorce, give yourself time to heal and be on your own. When the timing is right, THEN get a hold of your OW and let her know that you are divorced and have been for x amount of months. Don't rush to call her as soon as your D is final. It's best to be alone and on your own for a while before getting involved. You call her and ask her out on a 'first' real date. No affair dynamic, no hiding, no lying. She will appreciate that and possibly give you a chance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author samj420 Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 Thank you whichwayisup. I wish there were more encouraging posts like yours. Like I said before, I did not come here to get beaten up. No matter who is in the right or wrong, most people come here to get some words of solace. I will take your advice. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author samj420 Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 Abelincoln. I was never planning on stalking her and never will. Not my style. If I remember correctly you were assassinated. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Thank you whichwayisup. I wish there were more encouraging posts like yours. Like I said before, I did not come here to get beaten up. No matter who is in the right or wrong, most people come here to get some words of solace. I will take your advice. Thank you. Just ignore and don't respond to ruder posters..Focus on the more helpful advice. When the time comes you do contact her, (don't show up at her house, that will make her feel trapped and like you invaded her space) let her know you're not giving up on her and you'll give her time and space to decide. If she loves you and wants to date you, give things a go, she'll say yes. If not, then at least you'll know and be able to let go and get on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author samj420 Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 WhichwayisUp. I absolutely agree. Thank you so much. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Bravo ! You seem to know my whole life story in these short paragraphs. At least I have the balls to get a divorce. Have you read the other posts in the OW/OM forum? Many of them just want to have their cake and eat it too and have NO intention of divorcing. If you wish to berate someone, maybe you would do better to address them. I would appreciate no advice from you. Thanks You wondered what she might be thinking as to why she didn't want to wait, and I told you. I simply too issue that you expected her to wait, and thought you were owed the "truth". Simple as that. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts