Barrsitter Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 Sam...it sounds like you have some unanswered questions. No matter who did what to whom, I always believe that it's best to ask the other person directly and get the answers you need. Then you can decide what to do. Not getting answers is not closure, in my view. Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 WhichwayisUp I agree. God knows I am already being punished. I didn't come to this forum to get a thrashing. I just wanted some advice and perhaps some kind words. If one can offer only harsh words then one is better being quiet. I have also read many posts here that talks about OM/OW waiting and waiting with the MM/MW having NO intention whatsoever of leaving their spouses. At least I got the ball rolling and sold my house and applied for a divorce. I wonder what kind of thrashing they got... You can come on here and post your story, but you don't dictate the responses you get so quit crying about your thrashing, it's the freaking internet. I got my thrashing, still get it by folks here at times, suck it up and deal with it. Did you want everyone to pat you on the head and tell you it's gonna be okay? So you got the ball rolling, you're divorcing, then either go knock on your xAP's door or find someone else to care about and care about you. Maybe, just maybe, now that she knows you are going to be available, you are no longer desirable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
twinsmom Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 Oh please, Rick..When you came on here, you were a pathetic mess..Have a little sympathy, why don't you? Link to post Share on other sites
twinsmom Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 And, if I remember correctly, you were ready to leave your wife for your "true love". It didn't happen because she didn't love you enough..Don't project your thoughts onto other people's situations.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author samj420 Posted November 4, 2012 Author Share Posted November 4, 2012 Just an update. I will be officially divorced by the end of Nov. Middle of October was my 60th birthday. Nary a word from her. Although hurricane Sandy devastated parts of Jersey, I was spared, but nary a word from her. This has truly brought me peace and closure. Now I know she has truly moved on and so can I. Thank you for all the the kind (and not so kind words of advice). I do appreciate them Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 Sounds like you're ready to move on too. Perfect timing right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author samj420 Posted November 4, 2012 Author Share Posted November 4, 2012 As painful as it is, I have no choice but to move on. I truly loved her. I have been on Match.com the last 6 months. Had plenty of dates. It only made me realize that despite everything I truly loved her. The heart connection I had with her could not be replicated. I guess the man upstairs has something better for me. Link to post Share on other sites
canuckprincess Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 I have been with my mm for four years. He gave the same excuse as you and he has been married for 30 years. Recently I stopped believing anything would ever happen and I have seriously told him I'm not happy. It is a matter of time before I end it. I have been warning him I am going to if he does not do something positive for me, he is now taking notice. If she is like me 5 1/2 years is a hell of a long time and she is wondering if her life will ever be happy. If she waited that long I am sure she loves you still. Send her a letter??? Prove to her that you mean it. Win her back, if she waited that long chances are she still loves you. I'm curious, if she hadn't of pushed you or you hadn't got caught would you of carried on that way forever. Are you a cake eater? Link to post Share on other sites
canuckprincess Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 Let me see if i can make this more simple. She dumped me June 24 , 2011 face to face. She never wanted to see me again till I was divorced. This left me with very little choice but to resort to emails, text and phone calls. Once I even took the initiative and booked a ticket to go see her on sept 29, the anniversary of her mother's death. I thought she would be so sad that she would probably want to be with someone she knew who could comfort her. She knew I was coming. When I called her the night before to confirm, she ignored my call. I had to cancel my flight and hotel reservations. On numerous occasions I have hinted that I would like to see her, but no response. But now as my divorce is getting closer, she has completely disappeared. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that she has met someone else. Wtf, she dumped you? You kept her waiting almost 6 years giving her bull ***** after bs to keep her hooked. You manipulated her to get her to stay and then when she finally puts herself first you play the victim. Omg I'd swear this could be my mm writing this. Sorry but I'm pissed, i hope she keeps you waiting at least 6 years and everyday you should be finding new ways to win her back. I'm afraid of this exact same thing happening to me. It has taken her a long time to get over you, please respect her but let her know how badly you want her. Make her feel special, it took you a long time to put her first. Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 If you really want her, and it sounds like it's not just because of loneliness, do send her a letter (I'd say handwritten, regular mail) once you are done with your divorce. And do start that letter exactly with that - that your divorce is final. Then let it go, and let her decide if she wants to give you another chance. It may take months to hear back from her. Whatever you write, keep in mind that she went through hell, and whatever you experienced doesn't even compare. In hindsight, do you think you staying married made any difference to your family? Would you do it again? Or do you think you would have found ways to make it work eventually if you had divorced when the two of you first discussed it? I appreciate the fact that you posted. MM rarely post here. Link to post Share on other sites
canuckprincess Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 Sorry for being nasty this just hit way too close to home for me. Link to post Share on other sites
MourningLosses Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 QuietStorm. For you information my marriage was over in 2003. I have never slept with my wife since then. I had a separate maintenance agreement since 2003. My kids were too young for me to get out at that time. IT was a divorce waiting to happen. I met the OW in 2005. Oh did I mention to you that she was married at the time? Perhaps not. On the contrary I am not devaluing the OW nor my wife. I still love my wife but in love with the OW. How can you even assume that I was devaluing them? This stood out to me. So regardless of whether you had "the money to divorce" you could have come out in the open. You could have given your OW and wife each others numbers, told them both where things stood and made it clear your marriage was going to end once the house sold. Plenty of divorces are filed pending sale of property to be divided. The fact you didn't do that is telling. And don't say you wanted to spare your STBXW. You have shown her least respect of all so that won't fly. Actually you wanted to king hit your wife with a financial as well as emotional blow, you want to play big shot to the OW. Even her leaving you didn't phase you or make you do right by someone, anyone, other than yourself. Your wife should take you to the cleaners and your Ow should block you. Despite the fact OW sounds like a serial cheater even she deserves more. Let alone your wife! I pity my MMs wife that she is married to him but he was nowhere near as bad to either of us. Link to post Share on other sites
Summer Breeze Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 You're not even divorced yet and on Match.com for SIX months? Are you that desperate for external validation from women? Why don't you try being by yourself for a change. OP regarding the bolded from Alice's post. That means you were on match.com a month or so before you started this thread? To me that pretty well cuts any sympathy I had reading through this thread. You didn't ask any questions in your OP. You also refer a couple of times to other MM who never intend to leave so it says to me that you're well aware of the audience you were speaking to when you put that post here. You didn't ask any OW what their thoughts were. It feels like you were more in here tooting your own horn and looking for a bunch of anonymous OW to fall to your feet and say how wonderful you are. You know the pain a lot of OW on this board are feeling so why would you come here looking for some sort of validation or support from them? I figure you should have gone to some other forum that's more specific to MM who have been ditched. This wasn't the place. It does sound like you've gotten yourself together and for that I am glad. I hope you do find some peace and if the time is right then it's right. Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 This stood out to me. So regardless of whether you had "the money to divorce" you could have come out in the open. You could have given your OW and wife each others numbers, told them both where things stood and made it clear your marriage was going to end once the house sold. Plenty of divorces are filed pending sale of property to be divided. The fact you didn't do that is telling. And don't say you wanted to spare your STBXW. You have shown her least respect of all so that won't fly. Actually you wanted to king hit your wife with a financial as well as emotional blow, you want to play big shot to the OW. Even her leaving you didn't phase you or make you do right by someone, anyone, other than yourself. Your wife should take you to the cleaners and your Ow should block you. Despite the fact OW sounds like a serial cheater even she deserves more. Let alone your wife! I pity my MMs wife that she is married to him but he was nowhere near as bad to either of us. I agree 100%. I think the most disdainful thing about affairs and WS's plotting to leave their betrayed spouses and children is that it's all done behind the betrayed spouses back. Just because the kids have problems or the house needs to be sold doesn't mean the BS can't be filled in on the future plan so that they too can make plans for their future. I think it's downright cruel and heartless for the WS to plot the best outcome for themselves and not give their BS the same time and opportunity to do the same. Now you say the man upstairs must have something better in store for you. LOL...yeah I'm sure God is just heartbroken that all your cheating and lying and making the OW wait year after year didn't pan out in your favor. Stay on Match com and I'm sure he'll send you an angel from heaven. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
canuckprincess Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Samj420, I need to pick your brain about something but I cant do it on an open forum. Do you post on any other sites so I can Private Message you please. You may be able to shed some light on my situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author samj420 Posted November 5, 2012 Author Share Posted November 5, 2012 try [email protected] Link to post Share on other sites
Author samj420 Posted November 5, 2012 Author Share Posted November 5, 2012 There never was any plotting. The wife knew I was waiting for the house to sell in order to get the divorce. In fact she was in agreement. Have you not heard of platonic relationships? Just because I am on Match does not mean I am looking for a role in the hay. Or perhaps that is how most people think? Yes disdainful indeed. And yes I know in my case the future will work out fine. Even for you Miss Alexandria Link to post Share on other sites
MourningLosses Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 So you told your wife you were divorcing to be with someone else you'd been cheating with? Wow. Hats off to you. Poor doormat of a woman for being in a platonic relationship with you after that. I would kick your ass to the street. And you know that so I bet you never told her the truth. You want to paint it as "honey it just didn't work out, no one else involved, no hard feelings". You want that because it is easier for you. It isn't fair to your wife or your mistress. Link to post Share on other sites
Summer Breeze Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 There never was any plotting. The wife knew I was waiting for the house to sell in order to get the divorce. In fact she was in agreement. Have you not heard of platonic relationships? Just because I am on Match does not mean I am looking for a role in the hay. Or perhaps that is how most people think? Yes disdainful indeed. And yes I know in my case the future will work out fine. Even for you Miss Alexandria Having spent a few months on match a few years back I can assure you that most people aren't looking for a roll in the hay, nor are they looking for platonic Rs. Most are looking for romantic Rs that will lead to something going into the future. That is, other than the married men (and I would assume women) that are posing as single guys trying to draw women in. Most of them are there for the quick hit. Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Having spent a few months on match a few years back I can assure you that most people aren't looking for a roll in the hay, nor are they looking for platonic Rs. Most are looking for romantic Rs that will lead to something going into the future. That is, other than the married men (and I would assume women) that are posing as single guys trying to draw women in. Most of them are there for the quick hit. I think most of the women on match.com are looking for romantic relationships but a lot of the men are looking for nothing more then hook ups, even the single guys. At least that's what I've heard many women complaining about when it comes to match and similar dating sites. Link to post Share on other sites
Summer Breeze Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 I think most of the women on match.com are looking for romantic relationships but a lot of the men are looking for nothing more then hook ups, even the single guys. At least that's what I've heard many women complaining about when it comes to match and similar dating sites. Not the experiences of me or the 3 or 4 friends I've had that were on Match too. But with both what I've experienced and what you've heard it's far from people looking for platonic friendships as the OP had pretty much claimed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author samj420 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 LG you come from a different planet. Yes I met a few, all platonic. Would you like me to give you numbers? They will all vouch for me. We are not cut from the same cloth apparemtly Link to post Share on other sites
Author samj420 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 You have an apt name Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Last time I checked I lived on Earth. I don't think I was teleported to another planet. Not true! I think you're out of this world lovely! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 OP, you say you love(d) your other woman yet you kept her hanging on, year after year after year. Did you ever stop and think that she might have been hurting, that she might have deserved more than a guy she talked to n the phone and who she met up with one night a week? You knew she loved you, yet you would ask that of her...then when she finally gets up enough nerve to pick herself up and move on she's suddenly being cruel to you? Honestly, you had every opportunity to leave your marriage( divorce). If you and your wife were friends and your children knew you wanted to divorce, then why stay? If the two of you could share a house separately, why couldn't you as divorced? It sounds like you're blaming everyone else for the way your life has worked out...you're even blaming your son being in rehab for goodness sake! You may be in your 50s, but it sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do... and, for the record, most people here have been through rough times and heartache too...some of them have been times so bad you can't even imagine...they know what it's like to hurt, so they are giving you the view that may very well be your ex other woman's...to put it bluntly, she got sick and tired of waiting for you to pee or get off the pot, so she wised up and moved on. There's no secret agenda to her doing hat, no mystery, no hidden meaning...you broke her heart, she got smart and moved on now so should you 5 Link to post Share on other sites
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