PLEASE help:Torn between two girls...

[Dave]

This is kind of long-winded...but I really need the help of some objective people...and I have to illustrate the situation well.

 

Ok...here is my delimma that is driving me crazy...

 

Girl #1, T - My live-in girfriend of 3 years. We've been having some tough times in the last year. I think I'm beginning to see that we're not right for each other. I suppose I still like her, but lately it seems like we're more friends than lovers...I do enjoy spending time with her sometimes, but not usually. She's not particularly attractive, but that never bothered me until recently. It's almost like I'm just living with her out of obligation...or because breaking up would be difficult, since she still wants to be with me(I think), most of the things in the apartment we bought together and almost all of our friends are mutual friends.

 

Pros -

 

I already know her inside and out

 

We have almost the same sense of humor and taste in movies.

 

I have lots of fond memories with her...but almost none in the last year or so.

 

She's completely in love with and devoted to me.

 

Cons -

 

Gets extremely jealous

 

Has health problems

 

Has almost no sex drive (once a month or so)

 

She's fairly boring and doesn't like to talk that much

 

We have almost no common interests

 

Girl # 2, A - I've known her for a couple years, but I've been spending a lot more time with her in the last year (purely as a friend, until a couple days ago). I've always known we've had a connection. I always have a great time with her, she loves to talk to me (which I like)...we sometimes stay up to 3, 4, 5, 6 in the morning talking (and often drinking). She is quite intelligent, which I also like, since I consider myself to be as well. She's very petite, which I really like (maybe 5'2", 100lbs), a couple years younger than T, very attractive, funny and bi-sexual (which could prove to be interesting).

 

Pros -

 

Hot

 

Much more sexual...I'll get to that in the next part

 

More intelligent and witty than T

 

Easy to communicate with

 

I think I get along better with her

 

Cons -

 

Tends to repeat herself sometimes...can be quite annoying

 

Does not get along well with most people...very selective about her friends

 

Very argumentative...not to the point of being mean, though. She just tends to defend her opinions much more (and better) than most people.

 

Here's where it gets more complicated. T and A are friends. (heh...I said T&A) About 3 weeks ago, T and myself had a fight about A. T was sick for about a week and I went out several times. I hung out with A for pretty much the whole weekend. I didn't try to hide this from T, A was just a friend. Admittedly, though, A and I have always been attracted to each other, but we've never acted on it. Anyway, as I'm arguing with T, I'm defending myself saying things like (referring to A) "There's nothing between us", "we're just friends", etc. I admit, it was out of line to spend that much time with another female, even though I had no bad intentions. But, you know what? I had a great time...better than if I had spent it with my girlfriend...not just when she was sick, but anytime. I find out later that T called A's best friend and asked her if she knew if there was anything going on between me and A.

 

Here's where things get REALLY complicated. Saturday night, T goes out with friends. A, myself and A's roommate to to a bar, then to a party. We get back to the house around 3:30am, the roommate goes to her room to pass out. A and I stayed up talking as usual. We talked about lots of things, but, in particular, about the situation that happened 3 weeks before. She seemed quite offended about the whole thing...how T thought A would try to steal her boyfriend, etc. I relay some information about my recent frustrations with T...and that I thought our relationship might not last that much longer. We talk about how, in another world, we (A and myself) would make a good couple. We both admit to each other that we've always had feelings about each other. She starts to as me something, then says "nevermind." I was like, "What? Ask me anything." She hesitates for a minute, then says "Do you want to have sex?" Jesus Christ. Of all the things she could have asked...she had to ask the most difficult question possible. After about 5 minutes of reflection. I say yes. It was the best sex I've ever had...oral, multiple orgasms/positions...the whole deal. We agree never to tell anybody. It was a huge relief of the tension that was always between us.

 

I've never cheated on a girfriend before, and I feel very guilty...but I don't regret a thing. And it's as if a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders and new one was put in it's place.

 

I ask you this...is A the real thing or just me releasing some sexual frustration? Should I give T another chance? After all, I used to be very much in love with her. I'd love to hear any opinions/questions you might have.

[Weapon Tex]

If you ask me, your pros and cons list says it all. Complacency has set in. Your Pros for T suck and you defend A's cons. Sort of biased. I think your choice is the right one though, there are better ways of carrying it out of course. If I was you I would come forward with your feelings because you are not being fair to her (T).

 

A good line to use when you break up "welcome to dumpsville, population you..." I love that one.

 

Anyways, the sex was a bad idea and isn't regret and guilt sort of the same thing. Chacun son gout (to each his own).

 

SUMMARY - Can her ass (T), Tap her ass (A).

[Taressa]

Dave,

 

Since your heart has already left her, it seems the most courageous and kindhearted thing to gently break up with your current girlfriend. The new girl is just a motivating factor to get you to do something you've been thinking about anyway.

 

The new girl, quite honestly, sounds like a good plaything and you'll enjoy talking and having sex with her for quite some time until she finds a new friend of a friend to play with. But it sounds like you might be interested in just playing around for awhile. Be careful, Dave, this girl will break your heart someday if you give it to her. She just doesn't show the unselfish consideration of a woman who could love.

 

Gosh, I wish there was a choice three for you... one that involved mature love with someone who showed a little moral character as well.

 

Sorry, I don't see great things happening for you with either woman. But at least it has motivated you to seek change in a mediocre situation.

 

Best wishes for a grand love someday.

 

Taressa